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MuffledScreaming — Potato x Potato!Reader [Crackfic commish]
Published: 2014-03-12 12:52:26 +0000 UTC; Views: 11831; Favourites: 439; Downloads: 0
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The strangest commission I've ever got.
Pfft--
Like seriously.
This is some funny shit man. I have no idea.


He was utterly in love with her. It was the blossoming of a love filled romance between...

Two potatoes.

They lay together in the packet, whispering sweet nothings into eachother's ears. There were also other potatoes there, but they paid them no attention. To them.... They were alone with each other. Just the two of them.

But their situation wasnt exactly the best. What had once been a date in the fields, had somehow came to this. They were hostages. Doitsu the potato, and [Your Name], the potato, were in a grave situation. They held onto eachother like a life line, wanting nothing more than to just go home. They wished to rip out of the packet, and walk back to their field and continue their lives as normal.

But alas... Potatoes have no hands or legs.

And suddenly, the packet was ripped open. Giant fingers plunged into the bag, picking up some of the other victims of this horrible crime. Doitsu the potato held onto his wife, holding tightly as she cried onto his rough skin.

But it was his turn. Doitsu was torn away from his lover, screaming at the top of his potato lungs. She screamed after him, but could not move a muscle. She could not grab onto him and pull her potato back.

For he was already gone.

And for the next five minutes or so, his screams echoed throughout the entire room, accompanied by a soft 'splat' everynow and then. But eventually... All was quiet.
He had became mashed potato.

He died an honourable, but brutal death.

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Comments: 195

SandwichEverywhere [2014-03-13 00:56:55 +0000 UTC]

GOD! I'm crying!!! DOITSU! I mean.. POTATO!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!! NOT THAT! WH-HA-WHYYYYY???

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TheLondonMassacre [2014-03-13 00:47:19 +0000 UTC]

WHY AM I CRYING OVER POTATOES???

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VOCALOIDHakuYowane [2014-03-13 00:40:38 +0000 UTC]

(Oh, my. xD)

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HYBRiD-eMPReSS In reply to ??? [2014-03-13 00:40:14 +0000 UTC]

Oh... Lord... Someone help me... This is the best fricken thing ever... I cannot breathe... XD
~Rose

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Celestial-Biohazard In reply to ??? [2014-03-13 00:38:55 +0000 UTC]

I'm trying hard not to laugh out loud because the news of the missing plane in Asia is on the telly. But this is hilarious.

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Nightdoodles In reply to ??? [2014-03-13 00:35:02 +0000 UTC]

Potatoes...
The always ignored tubercle culture.
Privileged non-potato people will never understand their struggle for salad equality.

Godspeed, Doitsu the Potato. You are a martyr of the Potato cause.

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jillian834 [2014-03-13 00:32:08 +0000 UTC]

how many potato/no potato/i am a tree

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HarleyTye [2014-03-12 23:14:44 +0000 UTC]

This is hilarious. I love this so much. I know it's somewhat tragic so I feel really bad about smiling throughout this story....

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Ranma-Ranma In reply to ??? [2014-03-12 23:08:05 +0000 UTC]

I will never look at potatoes the same way ever again...

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Whitney-Le-Nerd [2014-03-12 22:47:04 +0000 UTC]

love this so much XD

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Caesol In reply to ??? [2014-03-12 22:05:51 +0000 UTC]

ATTACK ON TITAN

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EpicPieFace In reply to ??? [2014-03-12 22:04:47 +0000 UTC]

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112horseygirl In reply to ??? [2014-03-12 21:59:09 +0000 UTC]

I like potatoes.

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blooper64 In reply to ??? [2014-03-12 21:45:05 +0000 UTC]

Oh, that was brutal and horrible! I loved it XD

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aqua-violet97 [2014-03-12 20:55:53 +0000 UTC]

Omg this story just made my life more awesome

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FinnishFury [2014-03-12 20:42:24 +0000 UTC]

I can never eat potatoes again. AND WHEN PEOPLE ASK WHY I'LL SHOW THEM THIS.

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insomniaplague [2014-03-12 20:30:10 +0000 UTC]

I had to reload like 50 times to get this goddamn story and it was so worth it.  

-Clears throat- But, um, this sentence.

"And for the next five minutes or so, his screams echoed throughout the entire room, accompanied by a soft 'splat' everynow and then."



& people think "The Notebook" is sad.

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MuffledScreaming In reply to insomniaplague [2014-03-12 20:31:17 +0000 UTC]

I know right--
Such drama--
Much sad--
Wow--
Not amaze--

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theawezomeperzon In reply to ??? [2014-03-12 20:09:50 +0000 UTC]

what did I just read.....my heart has been broken xD lol ok I love this

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BitchesReloaded In reply to ??? [2014-03-12 20:09:32 +0000 UTC]

your art inspires me most deeply  

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Computernurd In reply to ??? [2014-03-12 19:32:01 +0000 UTC]

Move over Titanic, new best tragic story coming through.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

MuffledScreaming In reply to Computernurd [2014-03-12 19:35:52 +0000 UTC]

XD IT'S SO EMOTIONAL THAT I JUST--
HOW COULD I WRITE THIS--

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Computernurd In reply to MuffledScreaming [2014-03-12 19:39:05 +0000 UTC]

I can't imagine how you managed to write this, I cried at least four times just reading it.

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DinosBacsi In reply to ??? [2014-03-12 18:37:29 +0000 UTC]

This is beautiful. Who would've tought the first fic I read will be about two potatoes. Thanks you.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Kyasuni In reply to ??? [2014-03-12 18:31:51 +0000 UTC]

"Were in a *gravy situation."

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JOSHDILISI In reply to Kyasuni [2014-03-12 18:47:05 +0000 UTC]

well done.

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solarkittygirl In reply to ??? [2014-03-12 18:22:07 +0000 UTC]

What the frick frack pattywack did I just read?

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Alenas In reply to ??? [2014-03-12 18:07:50 +0000 UTC]

I don't usually read these Blah!Character x Blah!Reader things but this was fun to read. And sad, of course...kinda. But mostly fun.

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Oomles [2014-03-12 18:03:10 +0000 UTC]

oh my god
o-oh my god.

you know.
sometimes I forget why I love fans

thank you for reminding me why ;u; 

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

MuffledScreaming In reply to Oomles [2014-03-12 18:12:55 +0000 UTC]

XD

You are most welcome.

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victoriaisabeau [2014-03-12 17:43:40 +0000 UTC]

This is so tragic ... yet, so funny

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The-Lost-Hope [2014-03-12 16:40:31 +0000 UTC]

Ahahaha normally I don't read these sort of things but this one was amusing to say the least. A couple spelling errors but otherwise not bad. (If you ask I'll point them out otherwise I leave it alone.)

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Natsumi-Kuramaki In reply to ??? [2014-03-12 16:31:30 +0000 UTC]

I'm literally trying my best not to laugh in my strict English teacher's classroom when I'm supposed to be working but instead reading this strange but hilarious fic. 

Awesome job~

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MuffledScreaming In reply to Natsumi-Kuramaki [2014-03-12 16:41:07 +0000 UTC]

*whispers* I wrote this whilst in an English class--

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Sanactras In reply to ??? [2014-03-12 15:57:12 +0000 UTC]

I read the sorrowful potato crackfic.
And laughed in my small head. XD

WHY SCHOOL WHY?! WHY YOU NO LET ME LAUGH LOUDLY?

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CrazyMira In reply to Sanactras [2014-03-13 13:01:32 +0000 UTC]

Was at school. Laughed loud. Totally Fucking Worth It.

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Sanactras In reply to CrazyMira [2014-03-13 23:52:26 +0000 UTC]

XD Wow.

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DarkEcila In reply to ??? [2014-03-12 15:52:27 +0000 UTC]

I read it.
I laughed.
I weeped.
I favorited.

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FleetSheetInc In reply to ??? [2014-03-12 14:51:39 +0000 UTC]

i cry everytim   

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Zahdernia In reply to ??? [2014-03-12 14:31:23 +0000 UTC]

This turned dark quite fast

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Chronological-Rising In reply to Zahdernia [2014-03-12 20:58:45 +0000 UTC]

Too fast....

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wolf-chibichan In reply to ??? [2014-03-12 14:14:19 +0000 UTC]

What? WHAAAAAI?! Why did it have to be my Doitsu-potato?! But seriously... That was some depressing hilarious shit...

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Rinkishi [2014-03-12 13:58:08 +0000 UTC]

What did I just read.....

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Greenzebra00 In reply to ??? [2014-03-12 13:22:08 +0000 UTC]

I don't know whether to laugh or be sad...I'll probably still eat potatoes though Nice little story~!

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Melanyco [2014-03-12 13:10:03 +0000 UTC]

Still going to eat fries.

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waysest [2014-03-12 12:55:54 +0000 UTC]

so freaking sad poor potato I'm not going to eat another ever again............ can I smell fries?

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ImaginingComa In reply to ??? [2014-03-12 12:54:26 +0000 UTC]

T-The emotion man /tears streaming down face while dancing interpritivally/
All my feels.... Are broken

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