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Published: 2008-02-13 04:09:30 +0000 UTC; Views: 373; Favourites: 6; Downloads: 4
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Description
No paper hearts or roses redNo fancy chocolates or sparkling diamonds
A Valentines Day death
Is what you’ll give him
Break their hearts
To match your own
Black mourning clothes
Instead of pink and red
Funeral songs instead of serenades
Tonight you’ll dance with the devil in hell
Demons will be your valentines
The flames of Hell my gift
A heart grown hard as your tombstone
A love as cold as your corpse
You said you’d love me forever
But took your pleasure from another
So I’ll celebrate this year
Warm in the arms of another
While your cold in the ground
Forever tormented for your sins
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Comments: 8
amadeus-love [2008-09-28 04:27:30 +0000 UTC]
your wonderful art got featured in a news article here [link] the article if you like it
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Oleem [2008-02-16 04:23:52 +0000 UTC]
I like the concept. Overall fairly well written, too.
Instead of pink and red
Changing it to "or" will make it fit better with the sound of the rest of the stanza.
Funeral songs instead of serenades
This line is way too long, I suggest using "dirge" [and "serenade"] instead, saves you three syllables.
While your cold in the ground
you're.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
MuseofMemory In reply to Oleem [2008-09-28 10:18:05 +0000 UTC]
Awesome, thanks! I love constructive feedback!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0