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MuseofMemory — Of Fire and Ice, Men and Mice
Published: 2008-01-31 06:23:00 +0000 UTC; Views: 171; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 1
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Description
I was blinded by loveWouldn’t see you
For the coward you were
But you’ve opened my eyes.
You can’t hurt me anymore
Because I’m strong
You’re weak
I’m fire
You’re Ice
I’m the man
You’re the mouse
I won’t beg anymore
I’ll not say I’m sorry
I’m tired of your abuse
I’m sick of your lies
You can’t hold me here
Because I’m strong
You’re weak
I’m fire
You’re Ice
I’m the man
You’re the mouse
I’m worth more than that
Beautiful inside and out
This is my life to live
It’s your loss not mine
I’ll love and be loved
Because I’m strong
You’re weak
I’m fire
You’re Ice
I’m the man
You’re the mouse
I’m strong
You’re weak
I’m fire
You’re ice
I’m the man
You’re the mouse
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Comments: 8
I really love this poem!! I would love to send it to my ex because it describes him so well. your imagery is really nice and the title really caught my eye
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
The emotion of anger is really conveyed in this one. If you wanted, you could add "and wouldn't" on the first stanza. Also, to give a stronger effect, you could separate your contractions. For example,
"You are weak.
I am fire.
You are Ice.
I am the man,
and you are the mouse."
Also, a consistency in punctuation could help.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
i like it heaps and its full of meaning but i dont know what you think but you dont have to use this but i was thinking that this line:
Because I’m strong
would sound better if it said something like
Because I am strong
OR
Because I am no strong
I dont know whaat you think but:
Because I’m strong
Seems I don't know too short
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thanks! I'll try a rewrite and see
👍: 0 ⏩: 1