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MutePoetess — Traveling
Published: 2008-10-06 17:02:47 +0000 UTC; Views: 141; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 2
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Description the stars are bleeding
onto the earth tonight

         and love never existed here


in the darkness
          we couldn't reach out for help

and Solitude was our only friend
until he too,
                   left us


four billion or a pair of souls in agony


                            as the moon fades out
                                          of time
and the sun was only ever
a memory




                               we walked away from the rubble

and swore to never look back



but secretly i turned my head
                   and let my eyes be blinded
           by the burning


the world we wanted to leave behind

it was so cold that night


                            "we couldn't have escaped this"
                                              you whispered


                                                       "we didn't want to"
                                                                    i said



because existence is desire
and all we knew was pain


                          so our thirst for tragedy brought us here
                                            and we drank it in until we forgot
                                                                    what we were


                                             you were so distant

and now the earth is spinning
off its axis

                          and the force of the universe
                                  holds us to our long broken promises

vows of eternity together

                     and eternity apart





                                                                                  we were always
                                                                                  
                                                                                                  alone
                                                                         when we dreamed

we were always


                              traveling
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Comments: 18

tinyplaidninja [2008-10-08 00:05:03 +0000 UTC]

oooo i really like the beginning! bomb.
only thing--what if you made the dialogue italicized instead of using quotation marks? just a thought bc i've never been a fan of quotation marks...but that's probably just me.
and yes, you shall submit it. or else...

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MutePoetess In reply to tinyplaidninja [2008-10-08 01:08:34 +0000 UTC]

Hmmm... I didn't think about it but I too am a bit iffy about quotation marks.
There's actually quite a bit in here that I want to change, so what I'm going to do is make the changes but instead of editing this dev I'm gonna submit it as a new one so we can compare them.
Ok lol, I'll submit it

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tinyplaidninja In reply to MutePoetess [2008-10-08 06:40:30 +0000 UTC]

that's a good idea--it'll be easier for fixing purposes. i shall try to get to it really soon...stupid apush notecards...*grumblegrumble*
oh good ^^

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MutePoetess In reply to tinyplaidninja [2008-10-08 13:51:09 +0000 UTC]

ok, i'm gonna try to get it up tonight probably, but yeah with homework, one never knows.

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tinyplaidninja In reply to MutePoetess [2008-10-09 03:08:21 +0000 UTC]

i will try to read it soon, i promise!

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blameXmyself [2008-10-06 23:19:22 +0000 UTC]

I really really like this one.
You should submit this :]

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MutePoetess In reply to blameXmyself [2008-10-06 23:36:22 +0000 UTC]

Thanks =]
Ohh maybe I shall

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blameXmyself In reply to MutePoetess [2008-10-07 02:43:20 +0000 UTC]

Yes, you shall :]

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MutePoetess In reply to blameXmyself [2008-10-07 13:53:13 +0000 UTC]

ok lol =]

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Oblivialice [2008-10-06 23:05:37 +0000 UTC]

I really like the concept (that I found, anyway) in it, good job

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MutePoetess In reply to Oblivialice [2008-10-06 23:16:24 +0000 UTC]

Thanks =] and thanks for the fave =]

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Oblivialice In reply to MutePoetess [2008-10-07 01:17:46 +0000 UTC]

welcome! ^^

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Soul-Reader [2008-10-06 19:38:53 +0000 UTC]

Really good, but sad also

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MutePoetess In reply to Soul-Reader [2008-10-06 20:29:59 +0000 UTC]

thanks

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Soul-Reader In reply to MutePoetess [2008-10-07 15:55:16 +0000 UTC]

No prob ^_^

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LordFenrisulfr [2008-10-06 19:07:40 +0000 UTC]

aww i like it
really sad and scary but its good

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MutePoetess In reply to LordFenrisulfr [2008-10-06 20:29:33 +0000 UTC]

thanks

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LordFenrisulfr In reply to MutePoetess [2008-10-07 00:42:06 +0000 UTC]

mhm

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