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Published: 2008-10-06 17:02:47 +0000 UTC; Views: 141; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 2
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Description
the stars are bleedingonto the earth tonight
and love never existed here
in the darkness
we couldn't reach out for help
and Solitude was our only friend
until he too,
left us
four billion or a pair of souls in agony
as the moon fades out
of time
and the sun was only ever
a memory
we walked away from the rubble
and swore to never look back
but secretly i turned my head
and let my eyes be blinded
by the burning
the world we wanted to leave behind
it was so cold that night
"we couldn't have escaped this"
you whispered
"we didn't want to"
i said
because existence is desire
and all we knew was pain
so our thirst for tragedy brought us here
and we drank it in until we forgot
what we were
you were so distant
and now the earth is spinning
off its axis
and the force of the universe
holds us to our long broken promises
vows of eternity together
and eternity apart
we were always
alone
when we dreamed
we were always
traveling
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Comments: 18
tinyplaidninja [2008-10-08 00:05:03 +0000 UTC]
oooo i really like the beginning! bomb.
only thing--what if you made the dialogue italicized instead of using quotation marks? just a thought bc i've never been a fan of quotation marks...but that's probably just me.
and yes, you shall submit it. or else...
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
MutePoetess In reply to tinyplaidninja [2008-10-08 01:08:34 +0000 UTC]
Hmmm... I didn't think about it but I too am a bit iffy about quotation marks.
There's actually quite a bit in here that I want to change, so what I'm going to do is make the changes but instead of editing this dev I'm gonna submit it as a new one so we can compare them.
Ok lol, I'll submit it
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
tinyplaidninja In reply to MutePoetess [2008-10-08 06:40:30 +0000 UTC]
that's a good idea--it'll be easier for fixing purposes. i shall try to get to it really soon...stupid apush notecards...*grumblegrumble*
oh good ^^
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
MutePoetess In reply to tinyplaidninja [2008-10-08 13:51:09 +0000 UTC]
ok, i'm gonna try to get it up tonight probably, but yeah with homework, one never knows.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
tinyplaidninja In reply to MutePoetess [2008-10-09 03:08:21 +0000 UTC]
i will try to read it soon, i promise!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
blameXmyself [2008-10-06 23:19:22 +0000 UTC]
I really really like this one.
You should submit this :]
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
MutePoetess In reply to blameXmyself [2008-10-06 23:36:22 +0000 UTC]
Thanks =]
Ohh maybe I shall
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Oblivialice [2008-10-06 23:05:37 +0000 UTC]
I really like the concept (that I found, anyway) in it, good job
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
MutePoetess In reply to Oblivialice [2008-10-06 23:16:24 +0000 UTC]
Thanks =] and thanks for the fave =]
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
LordFenrisulfr [2008-10-06 19:07:40 +0000 UTC]
aww i like it
really sad and scary but its good
👍: 0 ⏩: 1