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nekookami — Twilight in a nutshell
Published: 2008-11-16 01:17:26 +0000 UTC; Views: 40304; Favourites: 646; Downloads: 2628
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(WARNING! Please do not fave or comment here. If you would like to then please do so at the link [link] I reuploaded it on my new account!)The first Twilight book summed up in one drawing, as well as the personalities of Edward and Bella. Did Edward mention he was dangerous?
I can't believe some teens are calling this crap the next equivalent Harry Potter
the only people who'd enjoy this are woman who devour romance novels like no tomorrow, anyone who considers themselves emos or even likes emos (which is NOT a good thing), and anyone who's obssessed with fanfics done by middle school girls cause that's what the story is like, A FANFIC just without any fandom to whore to.
excuse me while I go watch Buffy and enjoy seeing some vampires get the shit beat out of them
Twilight and characters belong to Stephenie Meyer
art belongs to me
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Comments: 670
LMAO oh god this fits perfectly. Ahh I liked the first book then it died. Sorry no one will EVER top Harry Potter; whoever says that; needs to double check what their reading. Cuz harry potter = amazing.
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EPIC WIN!!! XD You sir, are very funny
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Oh yeah?!? if twilight sucked so much, why is it the # 1 new york times best seller?
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*sighs* I've already had to say this
Just because a book sells well does not mean it's a good book
It's sold so well because it's the kind of unrealistic romance that the female preteen and up demographics eat up. I can respect it for appealing to the audience it was meant for
but it is definately not a good book in terms of characters, writing and for appealing to a wide audience. It's quite simply an overrated book
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The sad thing is that it wasn't even written with the original intent of appealing to that particular audience.
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I haven't read Twilight. I'm not sure I plan to anymore. Lots of my friends go on long tangents about how wonderful it is, but...really? I saw the movie. And frankly, all of these girls fawning over Edward need to get a life. "OMG I WANT MY MEN TO SPARKE!!!" Um...sure.
What you're saying about it being a fanfic with no fandom, I don't know about that. I heard from one of my coworkers that it actually WAS just a fanfiction with changed names. I don't know how reliable that is, but that's what I was told.
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EPIC
I've read total three chapters of the book and I'm sick of it already. Why god, why does crap like this get published?
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I like to see witty ways of telling the truth which really needs to be heard.
I haven't bothered with the book because as soon as 'sparkling vampire' came into mind i laughed so hard soda flew out of my nose. (Do you know how much that burns?)
The story is poorly written, the characters so 2 dimensional you could stick them on string and a plot that... doesn't really exist...
How has it gotten so popular?
How has this woman corrupted so many young and old minds so quickly?
Bah, enough of my rant.
Great picture, great joke and all around just... Great.
I'm so good with words.
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Thank you!!!I haven't even read the book and I don't like it!
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Did I mention that I'm.... DANGEROUS!?
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hahahahahaha!!! that is funny i may like the series but that doesn't meen i can't laugh at it once in a while.
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I read the summary... and I felt my rain cells committing suicide... I want Stephanie Meyer to die...
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i think the mountain lion tops it off
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The pain I feel from my friends being consumed into the Twilight fandom compels me to favorite this.
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Yes yes YYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS! I read those atrocities. It is like a fanfic.
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this is great. a fresh perspective, finally
really, when will people see that Ivanhoe is where it's at?
it's completely lacking in rampant teenaged hormones, it does not exhibit the shallow sex-crazed romances of today's pop culture, common decency exists, and when you read it, you don't get dumber! it even has the opposite effect!
imagine the possibilities if the readers of Twilight put it down and picked up a classic like Ivanhoe!
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People are calling it the next Harry Potter? I don't know whether to laugh at their stupidity or weep that they would compare such a mediocre book to the wonderful series that captured my imagination as a child and kept it open to whole other worlds.
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You've captured the essence of Twilight. ;D Congratulations!
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I'm going to feature this on my Anti-Twilight Journal~ ^^
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LMAO
tht's funny as
lol
pretty much tru but yu make it sound so badd :S
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I attempted to read this book with an open mind, and you hit that aspect of the story right on the head...wait, that IS the only story. A book whose plot is obvious thirty to forty pages in and whose lead characters are dangerously similar to the paper dolls you find in trashy ripped-dress romance novels. The subplot is not even suggested until 100 pages to the end, and is poorly executed. The book reads precisely as you suggest.
What's sad, is after reading it, I was persuaded to see the movie.
That's two hours of my life I'll be screaming for as I lie dying in old age.
This book appeals to the lowest common denominator, so of course it has a rabid fan following: it's geared towards lonely/desperate girls, who eat it up. It cannot compare to most works of actual fantasy literature (Harry Potter included).
/end valid, honest rant.
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Thank you for your awesome comments! Your intelligent responses really made me smile today.
I was forced to see the movie myself with my aunt. I have a whole critique I'll type tomorrow in a journal for it tomorrow.
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Thanks 
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The feeling is mutual.
Twilight is cheap. It was written cheaply to sell to fat, goth/emo/scene chicks who shop at hottopic/torrid.
Before anyone goes off on me, let me just state this: You might be fat, you might be a chick, you might be part of a dark sub-culture, and you might shop at hottopic and you might enjoy Twilight. That might not mean anything. Yet, at the same time, that might mean everything. It was written in confidence that it would sell to people who are shallow into a sub-culture. I.E. the kind of people that wear all black, smudge on dark eyeliner, adore dark cliche peotry, buy platform pleather boots, and anything with black, safetypins and bats, and who will buy ANYTHING that says "Vampire" on it. This is breeding grounds for their friends to thusly buy it, and their friends further on, and so on, and so on, untill people really ARE only buying it because it 1. OMG HAS VAMPIRES THAT SPARKLE! 2. They are incredibly curious as to why everyone is raving on and on about it.
The reason it is a big seller is because it was marketed to a large subculture in our youth, and older people know it. They pick up the book, read vampire and think "OH, my daughter is into all that dark shit, she'll like it" and bam there's a seller there. Then there are libraries and teachers that pic up the book and say "Oh, this is geared to the female youth, this is good to add to the collection" BAM! Another thousand or so buyers. Then there are the sub-culture shallow swimmers who are like "ZOMG VAMPIRES!" There's another million buyers. Then there are are the friends of those people who are recommended with the b book and say "well, geeze, dispite my own eyes and beliefes, I must be wrong in disliking the book because SOOOO many people, including my friends, like it. SO I MUST ASSYYYYMMMMMALAAAATE BLUUUUGH." Then there are the rest of us that bought the series who are like "Well, lets see what all the hype is about" and are left wondering why we haven't gotten refunds on the books AND our time yet ;______;
THAT is why it's a best seller. Because many of us were tools and pawns. Because "Lol VAMPIRES" will sell, no matter WHAT.
Bella is a weak pathetic mary-sue self-insert based character, who appears "Normal" and "Mundane" so anyone can put themselves in that place. She has no dreams, no ambitions, and no desires or self-fulfilling motivation beyond being with her boyfriend, loving her boyfriend and being with her boyfriend at all times.
Edward is a psychopathic, bi-polar stalker that has all the makings of an abusive husband, ie. not letting her out/talk to the people she wants without his initial permission, promotes lying to her parents, is powerfull, dangerous yet alluringly beatuful. (end. Oh yeah, he sparkles "like millions of diamonds").
The dialog is horrible. There is no real romance or chemistry between the two other than in one chapter, on one page, in one special sentence, she was "irrevocably in love with him" and from that moment on, it was all about their love, how much they love each other, how they can never and could never know any other love greater than their love and how perfect their love is and how perfect they are for each other. It's boring to say "Oh yeah, by the by, we're in lurv." There was no building, no anticipation, just BAM, they're in love.
Cheap, and cheaply written and sold for nearly %100 profit. Mostly to people with cheap cheap expectations for literature, a good romance, and for mythical, fantastical or horror based creatures.
I don't want a PG-13 vampire.
I'm even tired of the odl cliche European vampire.
Lets get some new shit. Other culture vampires.
Like The pennangalan, a unique type of vampire from Malaysian folklore where it detatches it's head and spine with all its organs intact and prays on the bodies -and even steals them- of young women.
Get some originality back :< And you know, interesting shit.
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Awesome post, definately one of the best anti twilight arugments I've ever seen. It is pretty pathetic to see these wimpy vampires being so well loved. I vampires I grew up watching were always the ones on Buffy and Angel (never really read any of Anne Rice's work)
Vampires should never sparkle in the sunlight and a book about them should never be popular. Before you know it Meyer will write about mummies that wear eco-friendly wrapping, zombies that eat ketchup packets, werewolves that act like neutered old dogs, or ghosts that want nothing more than to fall in love with some dumbass marysue
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The sotry COULD have been ok if 1. She was a more experienced writeer and 2. I didn't have to spend the whole series in Bella's big dumb head.
Meyer has potential to be a good writer, but she's not going to be encouraged to do better when what she does now is what's selling. Noone has a perfect, well off start. Rowling's first pieces were obviously flawed, as was DeVinci's and other famous historical people. Everyone HAS to start somewhere. But they needed encouragement to do better, and THAT'S what made them famous in the end. Not that they started out great, but they evolved into the masters they are/were gradually with experience. I don't forsee this for Meyer if everyone keeps praising her for bullshit.
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I feel so much better after seeing that other people also think i t belongs on fanfic.net.... i just can't wrap my brain over why a fan fic written type book is so popular..beginning of the twilight book was good then it went down hill... i jsut.. can't ... finish.. reading it...
i'm sorry but the meer mention of harry potter and twilight in the same sentance is so utterly wrong.. it's like complaring T-ball to Major league baseball....
i wish twilight was written by someone else with talent.. it's got potenical but it's an utter FAIL
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This is what I thought of the series, in a nutshell.
...I believe I love you. <3
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He's dangerous? I don't recall him saying that!
It would have made a slightly okay fanfiction had SM posted it on fanfiction.net and changed the bipolar vampire and Mary-Sue. Maybe fictionpress. Meh. Personally I found it boring- no plot. To each his own, I guess (referring to the extremely illiterate fans who commented).
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First of all what even gives you the right to insult Twilight?? I bet (being the bitch that you are 
FIRST OFF: TWILIGHT WAS AMAZING! and it does not read like some "fanfic written by a middle school girl who cuts herself" because i've read some pretty bad fanfics.
SECOND: GO JUMP OFF A CLIFF, it would do the world some good
THIRD: I'm betting you have no life.
FOURTH: WHY WOULD YOU EVEN GO THERE??????
x...WG222
(Reminder: Go Jump off a cliff, or i will personally push u off myself 
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Number 1, I bet you have life either. #2 Twilight is better categorized as a freakin porno and was worse than a really crappy fanfic. #3 it broke the first rule of literature, SHOW, DONT TELL!!!! #4 The writing was terrible and it abused words like edward abused bella. #5 We all did read the book and screamed at the fucking tv when it was being nominated for multiple award. what the hell?? #6 It was in fact written in a 47's year old's perspective. #7 There was no chemistry between the main characters and was very very anti feminine in a multiple amount of ways which I could name on the spot if you wanted me to. Twilight sucks and it always will no matter how much you care to differ moron.
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Free speech gives all of us the right to say whatever the hell we want to say about anything we would like too, even the oh so holy twilight.
I'm betting you have a first grade reading level.
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I know that. I don't care what you say about twilight anymore, because, quite frankly, it sucks.
And thanks...makes me feel a lot better about a comment I posted months ago
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You think Twilight sucks too?
that's the best news I've heard all evening!
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ya i really do 
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Thank God!
congratulations!
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Hey, nice ad hominem attacks. Glad to see the third grade in you is alive and well.
Try an intelligent attack next time, or just go away. Seriously, I eat Twilighters like you for breakfast.
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I have read the book, and I even watched the movie.
the book is simply meant to be a fluff romance novel targeted towards young teen girls. Does it do this well? Yes, but so have millions of other romance novels. Wanna know where they belong? In the clearance bin.
This book is good for it's intended audience, but not mainstream society and definately doesn't need all this ridiculous hype.
and why do I go there? hmmmmmmmm how bout the fact that I keep coming across twilight fans who rant "go jump off a cliff!" when you don't like the same stuff they do.
here's a question for you. Why would you tell someone to kill themselves over a BOOK? I have not threatened or told anyone to kill or harm themselves so the fact that folks like you are doing so shows a real lack of maturity
And I'm pretty sure I am too big for you to even try to push me off of anything, you'd only break off your arms with the effort
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LOL all the twilight fantards have said "jump off a cliff" in their insults.
Twilight was not amazing. The characters are mary-sues. Period. The story is wbasicallyritten as if Stephany Meyer believing she was Bella and she wrote about a sexual fantasy of hers that was not meant to be published. Edward is a pussy. Vampires don't sparkle. And Bella is a mary-sue with no personality other than her annoying obsession with Edward.
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LOL!
so true so true....
and awesome! i'm 13-14 years old, and i think twilight is a piece of sh*t cause its a badly written book. period.
haha, the whole book is filled with adjectives looked up using a thesaurus and bella and edward just staring at each other doing nothing.
i frankily dont get why its so popular >_<
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