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nihilim — THISAPPOINTMEANTHIS
Published: 2003-11-22 20:17:39 +0000 UTC; Views: 1625; Favourites: 14; Downloads: 501
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Description
Mirrors hanging on walls by moth-bitten string fall
and break / into / each other. It's warm and soft inside
this softened room's womb, rhythmic almost, but - beats
of skull-drumming cobbed webs pounding innerlock channels
in walled flu-id : down, out, along, and around the
rims clang cacophonodemons like back in tenth grade
when: bright outs and graphite clouds outline an idol
clamoring its teeth round clean youth.
Ten years look back to see big men in small houses
that stink of bleach and formaldehyde baking
in figure-hate-lungs seated in automaticate dead beds
reclined on backed-up models. This room
was thick with good wills. Free furnatures and TVs
cast broad static across shadows leaking
out wood floors—board all passes in the wall.
This day looks back to see small men
in big houses that reek of lost boys
and potential. Leaden bars blow off his neck: concentric ego holes.
Good books on bad shelves knock sense
into laid back stones mossed
in forgotten moulds hoping this
TiNT stick won't finish eyes-closed.
Blinds shut off shutout shouts of a lone sun
boxing knees in pack-aged front doors closed
in coward clawjaws clenched on rotmouth cotton,
stuffing pink holes with tender no-nos that drift
up two-abused nostrils to form mucous updrafting through
lead-gassed chafed passages. All wrong.
Wake to: mud-tar bricks cramming ungreen
splats on unwhite enamel, coming out an unhealth
shade of spring. All wrong. Kick keys beneath
open-crack doors down by end street, by gas
stationed cornerstone-right. And turn :
tip overbeaten car hood, spit
sticksticky phlegm out a
roll down window door,
steam shooting this
bloodshot face -
The Facts:
She matters.
Turn
and stop. Shortout circuits close
electric round ring fingers draping
drip-arm heels of back-headed slam
end. Beer-bullet tipped with wide eyes - one
and two pair locked in buckshot stare -
fold your hand and pray please.
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Comments: 53
ok
thanksu
---------->(ireallymean.
[can.notrezz'est:9social.comment.sorta6: mAney,powAr,sugAr,aluvA]
D-/A
+
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"an idol clamoring its teeth round clean youth." - Wonderful way of putting it..the start of corruption of children by the everyday pressures around us. From here on, I liked the poem (should that be pro-em? - hadn't heard of concrete poetry before) more and more, and on reading a second time a lot of the meaning came through that was just impresive imagery and little more to begin with. "walls by moth-bitten string fall" sounds okay now, but on first reading fall seemed to jarr with walls as you drop the s (might just be me on that one) I also noticed repetition of soft and softened. I'm not sure if the " mother's womb" metahpor is a little overdone or not, but it works well here.
I love "This room was thick with good wills." It stands out wonderfully from the deluge of depression and makes the tone almost mournful and regretful instead of..hmm..accusatory? "This" makes it more powerful simply for the fact that you have very little articles/pronouns in the rest of the poem. Furniture?
"small men / in big houses that reek of lost boys / and potential" I liked this phrase but wondered at the ambiguity of the "that" - ie the men reeking of potential or the big houses. If the former, maybe "who" would be better, if you did mean both house and men, then I'll be quiet (heh). I loved "good books on bad shelves" purely because of the truth in the statement - its very easy to see a run down house by people with run down lives with an old bookshelf full of good intentions - books that they'll never read.
"coward clawjaws clenched on rotmouth cotton" alliteration sounds good, but the meaning was lost on me here. The "un" words (ungreen) were cleverly done, but " unhealth" just bothered me as not being a real word. The two "Turn:" s I really liked - very effective. The poem ends very powerfully also - for some reason the last line reminds me of the command they give out as an aeroplane goes into an emergency landing. Overall I liked this a lot, although it is one you tend to have to mentally hammer at to get the meaning (which I suppose is not always a good thing, depending)...I loved the feeling of growth and ageing it brought up (life) yet the deterioration and recidivation of the person at the same time. And a feeling of missed chances. To be honest - maybe through lack of observance - there wasn't anything that screamed "drugs" at me through. There's more bad stuff than good in this comment I apologise as the better aspects, I suppose through their own merits, are just harder to write about
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I found the link to this somewhere.
I swear to god, in my head, it felt like it was pulsing, and I had to make myself calm down to really read it. And if you can do that to my head, I think it means something.
I like the big men in the small houses from before, and the small men in big houses of now. It's true.
I'm not sure about the All Wrongs, though. Isn't it obvious enough?
Anyway, I'll fav it, lol.
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And after a second read I offer the same:
Rhythm is lovely when people know how to use it, you do.
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christ. i wish i had your imagination.
impressive piece!
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mm... good
listening to the new mushroomhead might have distracted me a bit from truly enjoying it tho..
or did it help....
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I wasn't able to keep up with it on the screen, I read it all out of order, stanzas scrambled, ends of lines but not beginnings, etc. When I forced myself to read it sequentially I didn't like it a whole lot; but first of all I expect that would change if I heard it, and secondly I didn't try very hard.
-PL-
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wow. u have a way with words. and you seem like a poet who artically inclined, i liked that. well imagery is great. and some of the thoughts are so out there. its great. i like this alot.
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i'm not sure how to say it another way, so i'll just repeat myself: your way with words absolutely blows me away. it's really easy to get lost in your writing.
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Awesome, I particularly liked the way you wrote the second to last stanza.
+fav, nice work guv.
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I'm not going to bother with my own words...you've created a transending experience with them already.
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i've kept putting off commenting this, mostly because it deserves something better than my absent-minded blabber. but hey, i can't resist any more. love the way you play with words and sounds (such a lazy rhythm at first, and it keeps picking up pace bit-by-bit, until the end's almost orgasmic). "This room was thick with good wills. " gave me chills. should be "furniture" in that stanza though, right?
i read it like sex. and it was good.
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i wish i could give you a better comment then this but i can't. i'm rather drained.
actions do speak louder then words however. [hinthint]
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I think my brain has just been overloaded with talent. This is truly a masterpiece, and should be held high in rank amongst all the other floating pieces of poetry floating around this place. I especially loved the way you broke down some of the compound words to give them kind of a versatile effect. Excellent work my friend.
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word play mhhhmmhmm yum.
i missed this but i thought i didn't. crazy.
good peice.
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You have a gift for knowing where to put spacing in your poetry, that's for sure.
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wow. that is amazing. fuck thats good! its really deep too. well done
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truly inspiring. equally amazing. so many things knocking around, all well thought of and well written. congratulations on an excellent piece of work.
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fuck....that is awesome. *overwhelmed by brilliance of poem* *falls of chair* i cant even begin to comprehend all that it portrays. maybe i should go to take drugs, it makes me able to understand stuff better. i have to go check out the rest of your gallery now. +favs
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the drug is life. listen to fools when intelligence find fault, heh?
very... day. Life. Just, just.
nothing more, and nothing less. nothing.
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I had regretted coming back from vacation until I read this. Thank you.
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ugh. this its the way i wish i could write >< man. my writing sucks. blegh.
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word play is always a plus, not to mention that i'm just a big fan of concrete poetry.
good job, you've earned some much deserved attention.
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the word-craft is very impressive. what I find especially
interesting, though, use of elision; here it creates this
kind of figure/ground relationship where you're expressing
not in spite of or alongside but because of halves left hanging.
it's effective and powerful and managed well when it's released
into exposition in the pre-climax stanza.
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Fuck man. Incredible. This is incredible. "Growth in every sense of the word" 
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I love this, Its very inspirational and graphic and emotional. ^_^ I love the whole free form thing, as it seems you've given a lot of thought to what the ; and the spaces signify.
-karen
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1. I love the title. I misread it as This Appointment at first and i realise that this is probably intended. it encouraged me to read on.
2.
Leaden bars blow off his neck: concentric ego holes.
i love this line. so graphic, yet so calculated and cold. concentric circles get my goat.
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Liked this part:
-----------
The Facts:
She matters.
Turn
-----
May I ask what inspired you to write this? I need some more inspiriation like this, really I do(do).
If you blur your eyes and look at it sideways it looks like mountains (with big crevices in them).
(take this as "I like it", not as "I'm making fun of you." (you know what I mean 
--------------------
I like how you throw words onto the next
line of crack-ed up 'n'
down-wards spiral of filthy raw-
hide because you're good at this stuff.
--------------------
To end I will say, in a "dude"ular voice,:
Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiice duuuuuude.
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Inspiration: LIFE.
That, and drugs. Specifically the one mentioned here.
Surgeon General's Warning: Don't Listen To This Fool.
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Wonder if just LIFE would do. I'll have to try it sometime. Come up with something this "whack", but good whack, without the drugs.
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Life is a drug. It's all semantics.
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reads like a piece of complicated steak.
it's thick and dripping in A-1.
good read.
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You have a lot of great ideas poking around in this, but they're all cluttered together and it's not entirely focused (I've had this problem very often as of late). I don't say cut down, but narrow the train track.
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Wee!
I hear Drum'n'Bass in my head when I read this.
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Adam F and AK1200!
(what're some other good drum 'n' bass bands?)
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Drum'n'bass does indeed rule, although I only really know local bands round here. The big names I'm less sure of.
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It is quality -- but to my taste, too obscure. I think with just a little more concrete imagery and hints it would be less flashy, but stronger.
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theres a hidden rythm to this poem, i wish i was stuck on detail but you have really got potential.
id add you to my favs but macs suck so youll just have to be happy with my kudos
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I've already talked with you about this poem, so I'll keep this short. I really like what it's become and it's very clever, almost too clever, but not quite. I still like "TiNT stick" and " beer-bullet"
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wow.
wow.
wow.
you have an incredible way of sucking the reader into the story, or the movement, or the something-or-other of a piece and not letting them go.
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Your best yet, I'd say. Truly awesome. Incredible wordplay, yadda yadda, all that crap. Alright I'm done with the obligitory comment, I just wanted to rush through it so I could press the little star button and be on my way. You know how it is - I'm a busy man.
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