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oblivious-devotion — untitled 2
Published: 2004-07-12 06:03:13 +0000 UTC; Views: 114; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 2
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Description He throws himself at her feet,
And expects her to reach out and touch him.
He says she’s the best he’ll ever meet...
All he does is force her to walk around him,
Not really caring.
She humors him with a pitying smile.
Is that what he wants?
To be left behind while
She travels on....
And doesn’t look back
At the figure behind her,
Crumpled up like unwanted garbage
On the floor of her life.
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Comments: 5

Largo-sensei [2004-07-13 14:08:41 +0000 UTC]

Very....depressing....But very good. But do we choose if he is the parasite, or if she is a bitch? I guess it could be both, and then it would be REALLY depressing. It is so well done at conveying both personalities, but at the same time there is a sliver of hope for both of them. The girl could finally be fed up, and telling herself "enough," or the guy could be trying to salvage a relationship that maybe he shouldn't have because it is hurting him. Very well done, because it makes me want to know more of what each person is thinking.

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simple-serendipity [2004-07-12 18:40:53 +0000 UTC]

Yeah, I agree with David. I mean... if it's what I think it's about, then I understand the actual situation, but in this, is the girl a jerk leaving the guy behind or is he the bad guy forcing her to be with him? It's awesome writing though! Maybe the situation itself is just confusing to me.

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oblivious-devotion In reply to simple-serendipity [2004-07-13 04:49:05 +0000 UTC]

well it sorta is about what i think you think it is but i dunno maybe i was trying to write it from a different point of view....**shrugs**

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the-beuks [2004-07-12 07:18:19 +0000 UTC]

I like this poem (particularly its subtle rhyming scheme). My only problem is I can't decide whether the guy is a parasite or the girl is a jerk.

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oblivious-devotion In reply to the-beuks [2004-07-13 04:47:28 +0000 UTC]

well actually i cant decide either...:S

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