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oddballoffun —
How do you see me?
Published: 2008-06-27 08:05:41 +0000 UTC; Views: 8719; Favourites: 273; Downloads: 125
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Description
How do you see me?How do I see me?
I used to find my scars ugly and repulsive. Fat purple slugs on my skin that wouldn't leave me alone. People would stare and ask about them. Total strangers would look at them in disgust, and that made me feel disgusting.
I felt like they defined how other people thought of me; If my scars were ugly, then so was I.
It's taken a long long time, but now I see them for what they are. A part of me. They may not be pretty, but it doesn't make me ugly, and anyone who truly loves me will be able to see past them and find the beauty on the inside, and maybe even find some in them.
There will be no more gloves, no more makeup. I won't hide them for fear of other people's oppinion anymore. I can be beautiful too. Perfect even.
This peice is completley and utterly inspired by ^StJoan , who's poem Scars [link] brought me to tears with the realisation that I didn't HAVE to be ugly in my own mind, that as a part of me, my scars could be beautiful too.
It hit me like a brick to the head, I'd never thought of it that way before, and I was amazed that I hadn't.
Even now, it still makes me cry, it hits that close to the heart.
So this peice is half thankyou to St Joan, and half declaration. I was so inspired by her, that I had to try and inspire people myself, and art is my way how.
I hope I have even half as much of an impact on you as she had on me.
Please, right now, go and read the poem that started this all [link]
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Materials:
My new prismacolour pencils!!! My parents bought 120 of them for me for chrissie! best gift EVER!!
A3 watercolour paper, it's a bit too textured for these new soft pencils, so I'll remember that for next time.
Reference is me! With a bit of photographic self portrait advice from *homicidal-mistress , as I fail at photography. it took about 150 shots to get that one, and even then the top of my head and the back of my head missed the frame!
The entire thing is an experiment, new pencils, new perspective, strange photography, and a new colour scheme, not to mention a new outlook.
I can't keep away from symbolism, but this time it's not so crowded, and I'm not going to explain it to you.
I AM THINKING ABOUT SELLING PRINTS OF THIS WORK IF ANYONE IS INTERESTED!
Please note me, comment or email me at poketheturtle@hotmail.com.
This work is copyright to Rhiannon Lavis (~oddballoffun ) and may not be copied or re-distributed without my express written consent. I really like this work, so don't you bastards steal or I'll leave angry, venomous snakes in your bed, then sue you.
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Comments: 122
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Beautiful,
I really like the eyes and hair. It makes the model come to life. <3
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Thanks! I'm glad you like it!
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Beautiful work. 
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that is so moving, i love the little story you wrote about it too.
i have a huge scar on my shoulder, and i have definetly learned to love it
i think it shows bravery, sort of like "i went through something painful and survived, im proud of that"
i say, if you got it flaunt it! <3
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Most excellent! There shouldn't be anything about you that you'd want to hide!
Thankyou for the kind words hon!
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no problem, your art is so amazing! =]
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wow..... just wow
i have scars too from a hard time in my past, i used to hid them cause of there ugliness i was fed up with having to hid them.... this poem is exactly what i thought of my self.... they were ugly, so was i, and now i feel that i don't have to hid them cause they don't define me....then i saw this and it made me think even stronger of that oppion
thanks for this awesome art work 
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Aw, thankyou so much hon.
I'm glad my work and st.joans has managed to touch you so deeply. That was the whole intent of the drawing, so other people could reach the conclusion I came to, which in all honesty is a much happier place to be!
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scars... yes, people dont have to feel ugly because of them.
i think scars are beautiful. they make you special. i have many scars, i like them all. even if theyre not beautiful.
and good picture, too.
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Thankyou!
It's good you can love your scars
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I hope for it, too. People just shouldn't worry about their scars. they make you special in some ways, and scars are a part of your life. It's a sign of event in your life.
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So touching! I believe that there is absolutely nothing that we cannot learn to love or accept about ourselves, (well as long as its not a hazard really ^^)
Lovely work.
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Thankyou so much!
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Beautiful, and poignant that the scars match the flower petals. Well done, and congratulations on the DD.
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That was deliberate, I wanted people to make the connection between the beauty of the flowers and the scars.
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congrats on your DD for this very pretty artwork.
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I've always thought that imperfections are what make us beautiful even if you have to look harder to find the beauty in something. This art is great, the vivid colors are fantastic! But the thing I like the most is the look of innocence and fascination in the face. Tres lovely
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Thank you so much!
I worked very hard trying to get the facial expression to match my vision.
And I agree completely. Perfection is boring!
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This is really just beautiful =] Though the scars are...not the main focus, but...err, I can't think of the correct word for it 
Both this portrait, the text that goes with it and the poem that inspired it are really wonderful and inspiring!
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I always prefer real human skin to magazine-skin myself. In the original she has freckles too, but they seemed to have been lost in the scan, which is a pity because it gave a more earthy feel to her.
She is me, and I couldn't really leave out that mole, I love it.
I'm so glad you like it!
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It amazing that the poem and this artwork was DD'd on the same day. Must be fate.
Alll kinds of things are beautiful. It's their evanescent uniqueness that makes them beautiful. You couldn't replicate your scars, a plastic surgeon wouldn't reproduce them. They stand alone as a testament to something different, and inspiring. My boyfriend hates his freckles, and many see them as blemishes, but they are anything but. I am covered with moles, but sometimes they look like constellations. I know that as long as your scars are yours, they can't be ugly. Heck, people who judge on the scale of convention are much uglier.
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I almost pity the "perfect" people for not having anything interesting at times. After a while they look indistinct. At least you will never be forgotten. A friend of mine would rather be evil and remembered than good and forgotten. I don't think entirely the same way (I don't think I could ever be evil- haven't been able to master the laugh without cracking up into squeaks of genuine laughter), but it's a good principle.
Using your scars as a screening system is a brilliant idea! like an insect repellent. Exactly like an insect repellent.
You comment made me want to do a cartwheel, but that would be the defeat of matter over mind on that one. I can't do cartwheels, to my infinite misery at not being able to project my inner happiness. But thank you several thousand bunches.
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Aha! I found your comment!
Perfection is boring in my opinion, but more than that, I believe that those people born with the perfect lives and bodies are missing out on an important part of humanity. The part that builds compassion.
I mean, I know I would never judge a person based on their physical appearance, because I've been subject to it myself. I even find that transfers over to most living things, I love creatures most people find repulsive and make an effort to find the best in everything, because i KNOW that what something looks like is never a clear indication of what it is.
I would never hurt another person, because I've been hurt myself, and I would never take for granted my achievements and good luck because there has been times when I felt there was nothing I was good at, and everything was going wrong.
All those people who have it so easy, it seems to me that they are the ones who end up giving those hard lessons to other people, because they never learned them themselves.
So there is a silver lining for any bad experience you've ever had 
I don't know if I could be evil... I have a hard time being mean. I much prefer to make people happy and hope they remember the feeling even if they don't remember me.
I can't do cartwheels either 
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I get frightened by perfect people anyways. When I see them in the street I leap into a bush or behind a wall or something. Well...not really, but it's a tempting prospect.
I wonder if the nasty ones ever figure out that they're actually being pretty helpful with their sniping and kvetching. They're like Judas Iscariot; he betrayed Jesus and took the heat for that, in so doing he redeemed mankind. And even if you aren't of that faith, it's a good example of the fall, whether knowingly or otherwise. The '
I try hard not to judge on appearences, although when someone is walking threateningly towards me, a scowl clouding their features and a dazed old lady with her handbag rootled through in their wake, my survival instincts kick in. But the pointless, unpleasant, self-righteous judging I cannot tolerate, especially not in myself. I would rather eat half my liver.
The good people will remember you in your niceness, I am certain as curtains.
I should try a spazdance. I usually just punch the air, or sway.
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You are awesome. There needs to be more people with your state of mind around.
And I agree.
As for the people who judge on superficial things like that, I've found my scars to be a kind of in-built screening system, which warns me of the people I don't want to know, before I get to know them!
It's quite useful once you get over feeling insulted 
And for the record, I think freckles and moles are gorgeous.
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I have fresh scar... on breast. Learning to love it.
Very touching as an inspirational piece.
And altogether - wonderful color scheme, beautiful softness...
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Sorry about your scar, but it's good you're accepting it.
I found that using cocoa butter and vitamin E moisturiser stuff makes them turn white instead of pink quicker.
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I'm glad that something soo touching received a DD
Well, operation was necessary but I did hear from my female friends - "do you really need this operation? I wouldn't do any surgery on my breast just because of ugly scars...". But I had a female surgeon, she stitched the wound with cosmetic thread, so it's kind of ok. Cocoa butter and moisturiser with vit E, thanks, a good idea.
Accepting yourself as you are, that what makes us human.
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DD?
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Holy crap! Thankyou for telling me!
If you don't mind me asking, what was the op for?
I had to get operations on my hands, removing bone tumours and that's what left me the scars.
But as ugly as they are, I wouldn't have it any other way, I'd stopped being able to write properly, and I was breaking them all the time. I might have lost the fine control of them I needed for my art, and there was no way I was risking that.
Whatever your reasons were, you are far more qualified than your friends to make the decisions about your own body. And scars fade eventually.
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oh, so I'm the good messenger
okay. I had breast tumour. It appeared to be benign but growing up quickly (would make my breast deformed and invading to limfnode in my armpit...) When they cut it, they thought it was 1st stage of cancer. Which eventually was not, it's still benign. All removed, scar of 5 cm, everything ok. It's just some perception of my friends - as I was diagnosed, I talked a lot about it. What I saw, that several girls have some problems with their breasts and are afraid going to doctor, imagining that someone will cut their breast off.
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Hell, if I got diagnosed with breast cancer I would probably get them both off just to be on the safe side. You can always get new ones later on.
Doctors make mistakes sometimes, and I reckon that one scar is more than worth being absolutely sure that you are safe and healthy.
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hell, yes! it's crazy when somebody is doing harm or alowing to happen some to themselves just because of prejudice, thinking "I wouldn't be woman enough" or "he won't love me with the scar on my breast"!
c'mmon, it's health issue... what would be my friends worth if they would neglect me just because of some scar? I was considering implants before surgery - but the operation was easy enough so it will refill by itself. (Strange thing - I wouldn't have thought that breast can refill... in my case about 1/4 of volume).
I started to talk about it to everyone... I don't bother to say that to my boss or my friends that the operation I had was on my breast. Why broken leg is not as "shameful" as breast tumor? I was adviced by some people that I should tell everyone that I had surgery on my shoulder or hand... to avoid telling the word "breast". Why?
well... anyway
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hello
the text to this would fit perfectly in this [link]
It is a beautiful positive piece.
x
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The top bit was for ali sorry!
The picture though is beautiful!
x
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Hehe that's cool! I'm glad you like it!
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oh my goodness! I'm touched, to be sure!!
This is a beautiful piece, i love her expression, and the colors are flawless. Fantastic!
Thank you, so much!
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Haha I should be thanking you!!
I'm so glad you like it, not only did you inspire me to do this piece, but that got me out of a huge artistic rut, and back on to the kind of art I love doing most.
But you're more than welcome!
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D And you too!!
Today is certifiably awesome!
Thank you so much for sending this round the AR room.
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oh my goodness! would you look at that...lol
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