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omnipotent-lion — Breathe
Published: 2007-10-23 01:44:00 +0000 UTC; Views: 132; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 1
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Description You gotta whisper,
Though you kinda wanna shout,
Remember to inhale,
and then to breathe out.

You didn't call,
but you said you would.
Are you doing what feels right,
or what's the for common good?

Did you remember my message,
I gave the day you died?
How every moment after,
I'd remember how you tried.

Is this the price
of being a hero?
To be either a martyr,
or a modern day Nero?

Before you go to the gallows,
remember this last thought,
It's better to say you loved
than just to say you fought.
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Comments: 9

Nojo-on-the-rojo [2007-11-05 02:15:56 +0000 UTC]

"or what's the for common good?" Other than that line, this is great! I like the meter and the "plot" of it. Very sad.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

omnipotent-lion In reply to Nojo-on-the-rojo [2007-11-05 02:29:28 +0000 UTC]

Thanks! Yeah, someone else pointed that out, and I tried to fix it...then realized my computer hated me and gave up. I'll...get around to it *shifty eyes* Glad you liked it ^^

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Nojo-on-the-rojo In reply to omnipotent-lion [2007-11-05 02:49:31 +0000 UTC]

Hehe, you're welcome.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

szmoon [2007-11-04 00:18:24 +0000 UTC]

I like it, and I wish I could explain why like a writer could. x3 Sorry..

And as your proffesional proofreader:
"or what's the for common good?"
the the and for should be switched, I think. :3

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

omnipotent-lion In reply to szmoon [2007-11-04 03:36:17 +0000 UTC]

Wow....how did that even happen? Like...I just switched two words....I'm awesome. Go me.

Thanks ^^ Glad you like---critiques are always appreciated, but you can't go wrong with unconditional liking, or at least without someone pointing out major flaws, so...no worries.

Good to see you finally doing some catching up ^^ *looks guiltily at pile of 76 deviations still to be touched...*

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szmoon In reply to omnipotent-lion [2007-11-04 04:22:20 +0000 UTC]

Those 76 are less than my 1,374.
...

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omnipotent-lion In reply to szmoon [2007-11-04 13:35:41 +0000 UTC]

Haha--seriously? (I just deleted a lot of mine.....)

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NinjaXWolf [2007-10-25 03:47:40 +0000 UTC]

Aw, that is excellent. It seems to just flow from word to word. The beginning was good, and at first, I thought it would be a romance thing. Or is it still? Anyway, excellent work.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

omnipotent-lion In reply to NinjaXWolf [2007-10-25 20:55:11 +0000 UTC]

Kinda....but more about heros and such. It was inspired, like I said, by two characters who were a couple, but the focus wasn't really on that.

Thanks! Glad you like it ^^

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