HOME | DD
OokamiKasumi — The Secret to Proper Paragraphing
Published: 2010-02-01 01:06:06 +0000 UTC; Views: 37755; Favourites: 741; Downloads: 382
Redirect to original
Description
Once you know what your characters and doing and saying, how do you get all that down on Paper without ending up with a huge confusing mess?Putting the Story on Paper.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Everybody knows that when a new speaker speaks they get a new paragraph, right? In other words, you DON'T put two different people talking in the same paragraph. Okay, yeah, so anyone who has written any kind of fiction learns this pretty darned quick, (usually from their readers.)
What nobody seems to get is that the same goes for a new character's ACTIONS. Seriously, when a new character ACTS they're supposed to get their own paragraph -- even if they don't speak!
In short, you paragraph by change in CHARACTER -- not because they speak, but because they ACT. Ahem... Dialogue is an ACTION. In other words, the reason you don't put two different characters' Dialogue in the same paragraph is BECAUSE you don't mix two characters' Actions. Okay?
"Wait a minute, doesn't that cut everything into tiny bits, you know, when you cut all the dialogue away then divide up all those paragraphs?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
No because Character A's dialogue is supposed to be IN Character A's paragraph of actions. Character B gets his own paragraph of dialogue AND actions. You divide up a story's paragraphs by individual Character -- not by individual lines of Dialogue OR Actions.
What you definitely don't do, is cut all the dialogue away from everything and mash all the different characters' actions together in one messy paragraph where no one can tell who did what.
"Where the heck did THAT rule come from?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Strunk & White's Element's of Style, the grammar handbook.
To wit…
-- "In dialogue, each speech, even if only a single word, is a paragraph by itself; that is, a new paragraph begins with each change of speaker."
This is often misinterpreted as "Make a new paragraph at every new line of dialogue."
Um... No. The key phrase here is "a new paragraph begins with Each Change of Speaker."
As long as the Speaker is Acting, the Speaker HAS NOT CHANGED. However, every time a new character Acts, you ARE Changing Speakers -- even if they don't talk! Therefore, each new character ACTING gets a New Paragraph, whether or not they have dialogue.
How this works...
WRONG:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You named a stuffed animal?" Toby raised his eyebrows, surprised, and Becky's blush grew brighter, creeping down her neck. < -- Two Characters acting in the same paragraph.>
Becky mumbled, "I wouldn't so much say named, as gave it an identifying word to distinguish it from all the other stuffed cute kitty plushies." < -- this whole line is Abandoned Dialogue.>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
RIGHT:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toby raised his eyebrows, surprised. "You named a stuffed animal?"
Becky's blush grew brighter, creeping down her neck. "I wouldn't so much say named, as gave it an identifying word to distinguish it from all the other stuffed cute kitty plushies."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's Missing?
-- 'Becky mumbled'. <-- This is an unnecessary Dialogue tag. Once you link a character's Dialogue to their corresponding Actions, you no longer need the Dialogue tags.
If you really, really want to add that Becky mumbled her words, describe it as an action. Don't TELL us that she mumbled, SHOW us.
Example:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Becky's blush grew brighter, creeping down her neck. Her voice dropped to a mumble. "I wouldn't so much say named, as gave an identifying word to distinguish it from all the other stuffed cute kitty plushies."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-----Original Message-----
"What if the next internals and action/dialogue are his, like:"
"You named a stuffed animal?" Toby raised his eyebrows, surprised, and Becky's blush grew brighter, creeping down her neck. Her reaction was adorable and he couldn't resist needling her some more. "I thought you hated stuffies."
"Then can you lump those actions together?"
-- Thanks in advance -- Jas
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Um... NO.
-- Remember this?
"…A new paragraph begins with Each Change of Speaker."
-- When a new character ACTS they're supposed to get a new paragraph.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You named a stuffed animal?" Toby raised his eyebrows, surprised, and <-- Toby's Actions / Becky's Actions --> Becky's blush grew brighter, creeping down her neck.
Becky didn't say anything, but she IS acting -- a blush is an action -- therefore Becky gets her OWN paragraph.
Adjusted:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You named a stuffed animal?" Toby raised his eyebrows, surprised.
Becky's blush grew brighter, creeping down her neck.
However, this is incorrect too:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You named a stuffed animal?" Toby raised his eyebrows, surprised.
Actions go BEFORE Reactions Toby was surprised so he commented: "You named a stuffed animal?" He didn't comment and THEN become surprised.
Adjusted:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toby raised his eyebrows, surprised. "You named a stuffed animal?"
All together now!
Original:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You named a stuffed animal?" Toby raised his eyebrows, surprised, and Becky's blush grew brighter, creeping down her neck. Her reaction was adorable and he couldn't resist needling her some more. "I thought you hated stuffies."
Adjusted:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toby raised his eyebrows, surprised. "You named a stuffed animal?"
Becky's blush grew brighter, creeping down her neck.
Her reaction was so adorable, Toby couldn't resist needling her some more. "I thought you hated stuffies?"
-----Original Message-----
"But when you do that, it looks so...choppy on the page. There's ton's of empty white space!"
-- Hates Empty Space
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yes, it looks choppy on the page, but its Far More Important that there is absolutely no doubt in anyone's mind as to who is acting and who is speaking.
Another Example:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Don't help me. I'm fine by myself," she told him, not bothering to be polite. He looked surprised and perhaps a little hurt. She heard another voice.
"Geez, you're pretty full of yourself, aren't you?" She got to her feet and brushed herself off, glancing in the direction of the newcomer. She nearly recoiled in shock. Another handsome guy. He crossed his arms over his chest. "He was just trying to help you." He told her. She readjusted her bag and said.
"I don't recall asking for help."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
By the way, once you separate each of your character's actions into new paragraphs and reconnect each character's dialogue to their actions, you won't need dialogue tags such as "said" because your character's actions are the identifiers for your dialogue.
With actions separated & dialogue attached.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Don't help me. I'm fine by myself." She didn't bother to be polite.
He looked surprised and perhaps a little hurt.
A new voice called out. "Geez, you're pretty full of yourself, aren't you?"
She got to her feet and brushed herself off, glancing in the direction of the newcomer. Another handsome guy. She nearly recoiled in shock.
He crossed his arms over his chest. "He was just trying to help you."
She readjusted her bag. "I don't recall asking for help."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you truly loathe all that white space, then fill it in with more actions, description, and internal narration observations.
-----Original Message-----
But what about when someone is watching someone else, or feeling someone do something to them? -- Concerned about Observation
This seems perfectly fine, right?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He watched her shake her butt.
He felt her skin move against his.
However, once you take this into account:
"…A new paragraph begins with Each Change of Speaker."
-- When a new character ACTS they're supposed to get a new paragraph.
Not so fine after all. You have two people acting in the same line -- in Both Cases.
The way around this little gem of a problem, is to SHOW the event by character rather than TELL it in one lump.
You begin by dividing the actions by Character:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He watched her.
She shook her butt and her skin moved against his.
He felt it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Seems kind'a…short eh? That's because those lines TOLD you what happened, instead of Showing you what happened, so there are all kinds of details missing. Once you add enough details to paint a whole picture…
Adjusted:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From his seat at the edge of the stage, he watched her.
Tall, svelte, and in the skimpiest bathing suit he'd ever seen, she moved in close and shook her butt. The round, firm flesh jiggled enticingly against his face.
His cheeks were subjected to the most incredible, though slightly sweaty, facial massage ever.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KILL the Dialogue Tags. (Seriously.)
-- When you have an action with a line of dialogue, you don't need Dialogue tags, such as "he said" -- at all. You already know through their actions WHO is speaking.
Dialogue tags are only ever needed when you don't have any other way of identifying the speaker.
HOWEVER, if you have no other way of knowing who is speaking than dialogue tags, then you have committed the heinous crime of:
Dialogue in a Vacuum
- Also known as "talking heads syndrome."
A book with nothing but reams of dialogue marked only by dialogue tags means that while people may be talking, there is no PICTURE. The mental movie has stopped and only the sound-track is playing. Compare it to a Radio Show with no sound effects.
I don't know about you, but when I go to read a story, I want to SEE what I'm reading like a movie, not listen to a radio show.
Memorize this:
Readers always interpret what they read the way they want to see it -- unless you SHOW them what you envisioned.
In other words…
What CAN be misunderstood -- WILL be misunderstood.
Leave Nothing to Misinterpretation.
-- Readers will ALWAYS make whatever assumptions come to mind about what they are reading. When a reader realizes that what they thought was going on -- wasn't, they'll get confused, and occasionally pissed off.
Unmarked blocks of dialogue are painfully EASY to get lost in.
I remember reading one whole page of un-tagged action-less dialogue only to find out that I had two of the characters reversed. Did I reread that whole page to figure out what was going on? Hell no! I tossed the book across the room. (In fact, it's still on the floor gathering dust bunnies.)
"But, isn't that's what 'said' and other dialogue tags are for?"
Just for the record...
-- Using dialogue tags is Not against the rules. Dialogue tags are a perfectly viable way to identify who is speaking -- it just makes that part of the story BORING. (I don't know about you, but I won't read something that bores me.)
I choose to write my dialogue without using "said" unless I am actually describing a change in voice, tone, or volume in the same paragraph. And even then, I try to avoid them. I use the speaker's actions to define who is speaking to whom.
I use ACTION TAGS.
"What the heck is an Action Tag?"
BODY LANGUAGE
Language is Visual not just a bunch of words. Watch the average conversation between two people. 90% of that conversation isn't in what's spoken, it's in what they are DOING as they are speaking. It's in their Body Language. Body-language cues the reader as to what is going on in a character's head – in ADDITION to dialogue and internal narrative.
Action and body-language tags on dialogue are Not just for decoration.
-- Stories are Mental Movies you play in your imagination. I don't know about you, but I HATE to be interrupted when I'm involved in a good movie. If I have to stop and reread a section just to figure out what the heck is going on, I've been interrupted. One too many interruptions and I'm switching to another story -- with no intention of continuing with something that's just too much work to get through.
Action tags keep the mental Movie rolling and the MEANING of what is being said crystal clear. A small simple action can tell you right away, what's going through the speaker's head.
Don't just SAY it! ~ SHOW IT!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I love you too." She rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically. "Oh yes, I truly do love you."
"I love you too." She dropped her chin and pouted. "Oh yes, I truly do love you."
"I love you too." She glared straight at him. "Oh yes, I truly do love you."
"I love you too." She turned away and wiped the tear from her cheek. "Oh yes, I truly do love you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WHY I loathe the word "said".
- To be perfectly clear, it's not JUST the word 'said', I hate ALL Dialogue Tags inclusively. I utterly refuse to use them.
Why?
- Because they're wasteful. They clutter up dialogue while slowing down actions, and they use up word-count that could be far better used elsewhere.
I don't believe in putting anything in my fiction that isn't useful. If it doesn't add to the character or the plot, it gets eradicated. Dialogue tags are too easily replaced by something that actually adds to the story, such as an action, a facial expression, a spot of description, or a character's opinions.
Just for the record, I write extremely dialogue-heavy fiction. When I find that a dialogue tag is indeed needed in my story to identify who is talking, I see it as a red flag that indicates that all action has come to a screeching halt. Nothing is Happening other than talking; also known as: Talking Heads Syndrome.
When that happens, I find some way to fill that space with something useful to the story such as an action, a facial expression, a spot of description, or a character's opinions -- ANYTHING other than a dialogue tag.
But those are MY feelings on the subject.
-- Your mileage may vary.
Dialogue tags ARE a legitimate form of sentence structure. When there is no other way to identify a speaker, dialogue tags are indeed a viable option.
What about Punctuation for Dialogue?
- Go here:
theeditorsblog.net/2010/12/08/…
Read that.
Paragraph Aesthetics
-----Original Message-----
"I suppose the issue I have is with the aesthetics of paragraphing. Though text is not comparable to a visual medium such as film, it is still something that we have to view with our eyes."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Actually, text aesthetics -- the way the words appear on the page -- seems to be a HUGE bone of contention.
-----Original Message-----
"...The way I see it, your example suggests that I break my text up into a lot of little paragraphs. Given this understanding, in a scene rich with alternating action, it looks like I'll be left with a lot of one-line paragraphs. ...I'd greatly appreciate it if you clarified this situation. I suppose that is the trouble with having to jot down the basics, you can't expand on the little details of the rule. ^_^
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Paragraph Aesthetics - Illustrated
-- The way a story appears on a standard 9.5 x 11 inch piece of paper is NOT the way to judge whether or not one's paragraphs are too long or too short. A story viewed on a browser page carries even less weight.
Why not?
-- Because Fiction is generally printed on pages HALF the size of a full sheet of paper. What appears to be a lot of short little paragraphs on the "internet page," are NOT so short or so little once you put them on the Printed page.
The standard sizes for printed Fiction are: paperback (4.25 x 6.75 inches), and trade paperback (5.5 x 8.25 inches.) Hard-cover books use the same size page as a Trade. Only coffee-table books possess printed pages anywhere near the size of a standard sheet of paper.
Visual Aids:
ALL examples are 12 pt. Times New Roman font.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Standard Paperback 6.75 x 4.25, 1/2 inch margins:
i426.photobucket.com/albums/pp…
Trade paperback 5.5 x 8.25, 1/2 inch margins:
i426.photobucket.com/albums/pp…
Standard sheet of paper 8.5" x 11", 1 inch margins:
i426.photobucket.com/albums/pp…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Personally, I could care less what my text looks like on the page. As far as I'm concerned, making the story as clear and easy to read as possible is far more important to me than what the text looks like. If I have done my job well, no one will even notice the words - only the story unfolding in their imaginations.
As for internet reading, I'm completely baffled why anyone would care how it looks on the browser page. All you have to do is narrow the window and the text adjusts.
-----Original Message-----
"Also, I hope you don't mind, but did you come up with the rules yourself, through experience and trial and error, publisher's advice, or is there a handy guide I can employ? Obviously, I quite loyally follow Strunk and White, but I don't think it talks about this subject much. Is there a book that YOU use?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Let's start here:
"...did you come up with the rules yourself, through experience and trial and error, publisher's advice...?"
YES - to all of the above, plus editor hounding and long chats with a number of extremely well-established fiction authors. In addition, I've read a crap-load of how-to books. I'm pretty sure I own, and have practically memorized, just about every book "Writer's Digest" has put out.
My writing advice posts are the results of taking all the info I'd crammed into my head and condensing it into small bite-sized, chewable, pieces that are easy to remember and much easier to apply. Rather than waste people's time on theory, I focus on application.
As for recommended reads...
-- Unfortunately, there is no one guide that shows it all. Not One. However, there are two books I can't praise highly enough. As far as I'm concerned, they are VITAL reading for fiction writing.
SCENE & STRUCTURE by Jack. M. Bickham
THE WRITER'S JOURNEY by Christopher Vogler
-- (Google is your friend.)
There are lots of other books I could recommend, but these are the two "Must Haves" if an author really, REALLY wants to write fiction well.
Enjoy!
Related content
Comments: 337
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Thanks for creating this 
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Wow. Awesome article. Your examples not only clearly demonstrate how to achieve proper paragraphing, but prove why it should be done this way. I'm sold. Not to mention, I appreciated your (occasionally snotty) tone as it made what could have been a dry, boring (though still highly useful) read infinitely more entertaining. Thank you. Even though this does mean I have to rewrite everything I've ever written...
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
THANK YOU FOR THIS!!
I'm starting to make people learn about this cause I see people screw this up SOOOO much and I want people to know how to write like, professionally. Like how I still am learning how to do but know the advanced knowledge of writing. This needs to be spread across.
You also do a very descriptive version which helps people.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
You're welcome.
-- Sadly, this style of sentence structure isn't taught anywhere. I learned it directly from my editors after signing my first professional book contract. Apparently, this way of writing is considered a major Secret in the publishing industry; something only shared with contracted authors. As far as I know, I was the first to actually show how to do this publicly. My agent had a fit over my sharing it online.
It really does need to be shared.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
It really does. If you wanna help your book industry grow you should share some helpful knowledge of the world so people know the basics and can grow from their and get better at writing books and such like that!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
The problem is, these people don't want to help new writers, they just want to secure their own jobs.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Hmm, I think you're paragraphing guide is pretty, good, but one thing.
I'm just going to assume this is for writing books? Role-playing aside.
I'd like to point out that the Warriors books, used "said"and other "Language Tags" perfectly fine, and it's still interesting, it's not boring to read.
For example. (this isn't DIRECTLY from the books, but it's the same style)
Clear Sky's eyes narrowed with fury, his light gray tail lashed back and forth. "You dare say that to me?" He snarled viciously, unsheathing his thorn-sharp claws.
Now, for the thing you are suggesting:
Clear Sky's eyes narrowed with fury, his light gray tail lashed back and forth. "You dare say that to me?" He unsheathed his thorn-sharp claws.
Now, of course this is not hating on your style or guide, but I'm only trying to explain my opinion and all that.
Nor am I saying you are hating on any other style of writing.
But the fact that Clear Sky "snarls" which is a language tag, makes it more interesting. You can easily picture the tom curling his lip and snarling menacingly. While the second example, we simply know what he said and it doesn't show much emotion, beside's his body language of course.
Anyways, describing and adding the "Language Tag" defiantly helps channel emotion. We can ASSUME he is talking with angry snarl on the 2nd example, but we can't picture it as well. the 1st example, as we are reading his snarl is shown in our minds.
Now, I DO agree that THIS is really annoying:
Thunder padded up to Star Flower, blushing. "Hi" He said with a shy twitch of his whiskers.
"Hi Thunder" She said. "How are you today?" She said.
Thunder yawned, "Tired" he said.
HERE is how to make that LESS ANNOYING:
Thunder padded up to Star Flower, blushing madly. "Hi" He mumbled, his whiskers twitching shyly. He tried not to look into her bright green eyes.
"Hello Thunder" She mewed before stretching, "How're you today?"
Thunder breathed in for a second, trying to make sure he wouldn't stutter. "Um" He said, hoping he sounded more confident than he felt, "Tired"
Anyways, thanks for reading a fellow scribe's comment ! :3
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Actually, what I suggest is this:
Clear Sky's eyes narrowed with fury, his light gray tail lashed back and forth. He snarled viciously and unsheathed his thorn-sharp claws. "You dare say that to me?"
Original:
Clear Sky's eyes narrowed with fury, his light gray tail lashed back and forth. "You dare say that to me?" He snarled viciously, unsheathing his thorn-sharp claws.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Also:
Thunder padded up to Star Flower, blushing madly and mumbled. "Hi." His whiskers twitched shyly and he tried not to look into her bright green eyes.
She mewed. "Hello Thunder" She stretched. "How're you today?"
Thunder breathed in for a second to make sure he wouldn't stutter. "Um... Tired." He hoped he sounded more confident than he felt.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I've been doing EVERYTHING WRONG!!! Thank you so much for this, it pointed out the mistakes I've been making IN EVERY FIC I WROTE T-T you are my hero.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
We all have to start somewhere.
-- I was seriously wrong before I had an editor show me how to do this too. In fact, I had to rewrite an entire 100k manuscript.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
personally, it's not all dialogue tags that bother me, it's the word "said"
he said, she said etc.
what a boring way to insinuate speech. I hate when the author of such-and-such work constantly uses "said" -- who publishes that?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I don't blame the publishers for overuse of the word "said", I blame the EDITORs who didn't fix such glaring mistakes.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I love this essay. Ever since I first read it I've eliminated dialogue tags from my writing. I actually find them quite jarring now.
There is something that's been confusing me a bit, though. Characters and animals get their own action paragraph. But what about objects and similar?
Like a tree falling, or waves crashing, or smells and scents? That kind of stuff. Should those have their own paragraph?
And what if an object's action is triggered by something a character is doing? For example if a character opens a can and the stench of fish assaults the room.
Maybe I'm asking something obvious but I really haven't found any specifics on this anywhere.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Sadly, you won't find specifics on even the stuff I do mention. This stuff just isn't taught anywhere.
To answer your questions though...
-- Objects that act without the assistance of a character are treated like their own character. Trees falling by themselves, doors slamming shut, waves crashing... They are all treated like their own characters -- unless they are a Portion of a larger character such as a forest, or an ocean. As for the can and its reek, the reek is part of the fish inside the can so the scent (and the fish) are treated as a Description of the can, the same way body odor is part of the description of a specific character.
Does that make it easier?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I think I understand it better now.
So if I were to write about a door slamming shut, then the door is its own character, and the noise it makes when it slams shut is part of that character? Is that correct to say?
And oceans, mountains, and similar are treated as their own characters, and get their own paragraphs? And things like snow and rocks on the mountain is part of the mountain's character?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Fantastic! Thank you so much for the help.
Oh, another quick question. Can several characters act in the same paragraph if it's written as narrative summary?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Each character ACTING gets their own paragraph.
If you have a Group of people acting together then the Group can be treated as One Character
Example:
The solders marched to the battle field.
This still works even if some of the people in the group have names. However, once the named individuals (or unnamed individuals) do something or say something they get their own paragraph.
Example:
Bill and Ted marched with the soldiers to the battlefield behind the captain.
Bill picked at his teeth with a dagger and nudged Ted with his elbow. "It's taking a long time to get to this battlefield.
Ted rolled his eyes. "Well, what do you expect? We're going there on foot."
The captain abruptly turned on his horse and shouted down the line. "You two! Shut the hell up and march!"
Bill and Ted shouted together. "Yes, Sir!"
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thank you so much! This is really helpful. Wow I can hardly believe this kind of info is so scarce. I'm so glad I found your tutorials!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I'm glad I could help!
-- This info is scarce because no one wants to share it. For example, this essay on Paragraphing is one of the biggest secrets in the writing industry. I learned it directly from my editors. Most professionals struggle to learn all this the hard way -- through trial and error. Their egos just can't handle someone that learns this stuff without suffering for it the way they did. (Well, my ego can take it, but that's just me.)
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
So it works like an essay except change paragraphs when you change characters (Actors)? Which is to say that every new idea gets it's own paragraph or two.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Sigh...
-- Fiction writing is NOT like an essay at all because in a Story there are no Ideas, only ACTORS, even if that actor is a door that slams closed, or leaves that rustle. There are however, Thoughts and those Do shift and change. Just keep in mind that a story is told from the point of view of ONE Character (per scene or chapter.)
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I have this feeling that, no matter how much I read. I'll never really get the difference. and thanks for taking the time to explain the difference between the two.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Time and practice writing will help. It helped me lots.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I found this very helpful! It will definitely help me with future projects. Thanks for sharing it!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
My pleasure!
-- I love being helpful.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This has really helped me for current projects and future ones!
To be honest, when I first started out writing, my main problem was actually paragraphing full stop. It took the efforts of my English teacher to get me to write in paragraphs... Which has succeeded, but I still have the reminders of how I used to be. Now I know how a reader would feel.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
This has helped me so much! It's amazing how much better my writing is now, and how much of a difference this has made. Thank you very much for this guide; I needed it!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I;m glad you liked it!
-- Once you become used to writing this way, you'll discover that it's actually Easier, and Faster!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Thank you! Wow! I am quite shocked that, out of all the writing books I've read (apparently not the right ones) that no one has mentioned that you need to start a new paragraph with character action. I really appreciate learning about this and I can see how it will improve my draft.
I would like to be a published original novelist (I'm currently writing a horror-thriller), so I'm excited to look through your other tutorials to see what I can learn.
I want to post an example of something I've written in my original novel:
"My fingers itch for the trigger— oh, please, anything to make it stop. Stop stop stop stop stop S-T-O-P. My pleas go unheard. Tears streaking my reddened face, arms shaking, barrel of the gun tapping against my head with the movement, They just keep talking."
Should "They just keep talking" be on a separate line? Even in the context that They are voices inside her brain? Which would mean revision for the entire sentence. I must admit it is not a great sentence--- I picked up the list style from Dean Koontz, I'm afraid. But I can't get over the list-style sentence, I'm kinda stuck on it.
If this is true, I have lot of sentences to go back and fix. Not just in that context, either, but because I like to use "and _____" or "comma ______" to separate character actions a lot. Actually, I'm gonna have to fix a cartload of paragraphs. LOL. Yay for revision...T_T yay. Just kidding, I love revising as much as writing because I'm a weirdo. Revising is fun because I can see my novel getting better as I do it.
About description, I'm curious as to when it's most appropriate to start a new paragraph of description. Should each new description of setting/atmosphere be a new paragraph (i.e. actions get a separate paragraph and descriptions get a separate paragraph) or can you include actions and description of setting in the same paragraph?...Personally, I would prefer to use separate paragraphs for setting and action, so the readers pay attention to one thing at a time and don't get confused. If a character is doing something, I don't want them confused by setting description, so I'd start a new paragraph.
Finally, I'd love to read some of your published work if it's okay. Reading your work would give me even more examples of good writing. If you're not comfortable sharing, I understand, but I assume you'd like to have a new reader, so...
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
This is how I would do it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My fingers itch for the trigger. Oh, please... Anything to make it stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! S-T-O-P!
My pleas went unheard.
Tears streaking down my reddened face, my arms shook, the barrel of the gun tapping against my head.
They kept talking.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
About description, I'm curious as to when it's most appropriate to start a new paragraph of description.
-- The easiest way to explain this is Show you. Here's an essay that shows where everything goes, piece by piece.
-- The Layers of Fiction: ookamikasumi.deviantart.com/ar…
I'd love to read some of your published work if it's okay.
-- Google the Name: Morgan Hawke -- That's me!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thank you. I like your way better than mine, of course!
I used to be one of those that was scared of white space and one-liner paragraphs so, back then, I would have hated to do it that way... but I'm trying to get over that.
Thanks again, I'll check out all your tutorials. <3 You seem to cover everything. Also, I will see if I can read one of your books sometime. I learn a lot by example.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I;m glad i could help.
-- Um, just be aware that my books are... Adult. Okay?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Adult? I can see that. ;3
To be honest--- I don't want to sound mean but --- I hate romance and I hate softcore smut. It makes me wanna gag. But that doesn't mean that your writing is bad (your writing is good) or that I won't give your books a chance, as the plots themselves sound interesting.
Actually, I started out by writing smut stories and roleplaying smut. XD ....I started when I was wayyyyyy too young to be writing that. I've considered going the route of writing erotica for publishing. But I am scared about my reputation and how I'd be perceived. The thing is, I mostly write fetish material--- very, erm, controversial fetish material. I highly doubt a lot of other women share my fetishes. Maybe they do? Maybe men would be a better audience? I don't know. But I still feel dirty, like I'd be breaking a law and get in trouble if I tried to publish that ilk.
Smut comes easily to me when I write, yet I'm too chicken to pursue that route of publishing. DX
What inspired you to go for writing adult material? Do you use a false name, or are you cool with being known as an erotica writer? I'm probably just the biggest chicken ever...And sorry if I'm being annoying with too many questions.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
To be honest--- I don't want to sound mean but --- I hate romance and I hate softcore smut. It makes me wanna gag.
-- Honestly? Me too! That's why I write what --and the way-- I do: Strong detail, lots of action, and interesting things that happen BECAUSE the character had wild and passionate sex.
I am scared about my reputation and how I'd be perceived.
-- Then do Not pursue publication until you are Proud of what you write. Even if you use a pen name, (and if you're smart, you Will,) you will eventually meet your fans Face-to-Face. This will most likely at a book-signing and/or a writer's convention. However, Fans aren't the only ones who go to these. People who think BDSM is degrading WILL get in your face.
If you are not proud of what you write, Don't expose it to the public at large.
I highly doubt a lot of other women share my fetishes.
-- I am quite proud to say that you are Mistaken. There are more women into the fetish scene than men. I am one of them.
What inspired you to write adult material?
-- MONEY. Erotic Romance is the only genre that actually makes consistent royalties, and it's the only genre that ebook publishers will take in Large Quantities.
Do you use a false name, or are you cool with being known as an erotica writer?
-- I do use a Pen Name, AND I am cool with being known as a professional pornographer.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I am proud of the erotica I write, even if it sounds egocentric I think it is better written and more interesting than most of the erotica I read...I like to include an actual plot, some actual character development and kinda wrap that around the sex or fetish. You know, write a STORY instead of just writing sex. It seems we may be on the same page there.
I'm just....uh, really really shy. I would like it if people said my work was good, I'd just still be rather...urm, embarrassed. If people got in my face, I'd go hide. I have severe anxiety. I'm embarrassed and worried about EVERYTHING.
I did a little research, and I am far from the only one who writes about what I do, but mostly the others are online...I'm having a hard time finding published works with my specific fetishes, but meh.
Money is a good reason. I read your advice about publication, and I agree with it. I also agree with your designation between kink and fetish in another one of your guides. I have fetishes that do not require sex, period. In fact, I'd rather do without the sex and just have the fetish. X3
Neat that you use a pen name and are cool with your reputation, it's good that you're so confident.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I am proud of the erotica I write...
-- Good!
I'm just....uh, really really shy. I would like it if people said my work was good, I'd just still be rather...urm, embarrassed. If people got in my face, I'd go hide. I have severe anxiety. I'm embarrassed and worried about EVERYTHING.
-- THIS will make problems for you -- lots of them.
I suggest waiting on publication until you don't mind if your mother knows what you do. Mine does.
And for goodness sake, use a Pen name that sounds like a real name. It'll make it Much easier to take your fans from the adult sites to a book publisher.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I've been going through a lot of your guides and fav'ing a lot of them for future reference. They're extremely helpful.
Thank you very much for sharing!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
You're welcome. I'm glad you're finding my articles helpful!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Hi. I am really interested in your writing tips. I've been trying to come up with characters and plots, but with no luck. 
This, as well as your other tips, are very helpful! Thank you.
- Lady C
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I hope my advice proves useful.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This makes me wish I had you for a teacher at my school. Using action tags instead of dialogue tags makes much more sense.
And I have been wondering about punctuation regarding dialogue. And I have recently started to use italics for character thoughts in fanfiction.net. And this symbol / for character thoughts on here since italics were not working on here for some reason.
I will give an example of something using the action tag and no dialogue tag advice you had and put it in parenthesis so that It is separated from things I want to add below-
Hashirama Senju ran to the cliff edge. He peered over the edge. /This is bad, there are thousands of them./ The Senju formed several hand signs, “Wood Release: Thorny Forest Emergence,” great trees emerged out of the ground with great force and the enemy died by the hundreds as the massive thorny forest overgrew their ranks. )
Do I use periods in place of my commas? Not sure because I was told to use commas at school. But periods seem to make a little more sense.
Just wanted to be sure.
And about character thoughts, am I doing it right?
I used the word Said or another variation of it before or after a dialogue a lot. But I will use your advice, makes much more sense and flows so much more smoothly from character action-dialogue-action without using a dialogue tag.
And what if an unknown character was speaking that has not been named yet.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
This makes me wish I had you for a teacher at my school.
I almost wish I had taken the courses to teach just so I could help new writers more effectively. However, then the only people that would have access to my advice would be those that Paid for it.
Using action tags instead of dialogue tags makes much more sense.
It's also quicker to write.
...I have been wondering about punctuation regarding dialogue. And I have recently started to use italics for character thoughts in fanfiction.net. And this symbol / for character thoughts on here since italics were not working on here for some reason. Italics for character thoughts is CORRECT. Telepathic communication has Quotation marks AND is in italics. Using slashes where you can't italicize seems like a perfectly reasonable substitute to me.
Hashirama Senju ran to the cliff edge. He peered over the edge. /This is bad, there are thousands of them./ The Senju formed several hand signs, “Wood Release: Thorny Forest Emergence,” great trees emerged out of the ground with great force and the enemy died by the hundreds as the massive thorny forest overgrew their ranks. )try it this way:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hashirama Senju ran to the cliff edge and peered over the edge. /This is bad, there are thousands of them./ The Senju formed several hand signs. “Wood Release: Thorny Forest Emergence!”
Massive thorny trees exploded out of the ground with great force then quickly overgrew the enemy's ranks.
Shrieking in agony, the enemy died by the hundreds.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I used the word Said or another variation of it before or after a dialogue a lot. But I will use your advice, makes much more sense and flows so much more smoothly from character action-dialogue-action without using a dialogue tag.
I don't care what anyone tells you, the word 'said' is NOT invisible to the reader. I find it VERY jarring.
And what if an unknown character was speaking that has not been named yet?
Read this short story. Raven
-- It has only two characters, but neither have names.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
| Next =>