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Published: 2010-02-01 01:06:06 +0000 UTC; Views: 37755; Favourites: 741; Downloads: 382
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Once you know what your characters and doing and saying, how do you get all that down on Paper without ending up with a huge confusing mess?Putting the Story on Paper.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Everybody knows that when a new speaker speaks they get a new paragraph, right? In other words, you DON'T put two different people talking in the same paragraph. Okay, yeah, so anyone who has written any kind of fiction learns this pretty darned quick, (usually from their readers.)
What nobody seems to get is that the same goes for a new character's ACTIONS. Seriously, when a new character ACTS they're supposed to get their own paragraph -- even if they don't speak!
In short, you paragraph by change in CHARACTER -- not because they speak, but because they ACT. Ahem... Dialogue is an ACTION. In other words, the reason you don't put two different characters' Dialogue in the same paragraph is BECAUSE you don't mix two characters' Actions. Okay?
"Wait a minute, doesn't that cut everything into tiny bits, you know, when you cut all the dialogue away then divide up all those paragraphs?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
No because Character A's dialogue is supposed to be IN Character A's paragraph of actions. Character B gets his own paragraph of dialogue AND actions. You divide up a story's paragraphs by individual Character -- not by individual lines of Dialogue OR Actions.
What you definitely don't do, is cut all the dialogue away from everything and mash all the different characters' actions together in one messy paragraph where no one can tell who did what.
"Where the heck did THAT rule come from?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Strunk & White's Element's of Style, the grammar handbook.
To wit…
-- "In dialogue, each speech, even if only a single word, is a paragraph by itself; that is, a new paragraph begins with each change of speaker."
This is often misinterpreted as "Make a new paragraph at every new line of dialogue."
Um... No. The key phrase here is "a new paragraph begins with Each Change of Speaker."
As long as the Speaker is Acting, the Speaker HAS NOT CHANGED. However, every time a new character Acts, you ARE Changing Speakers -- even if they don't talk! Therefore, each new character ACTING gets a New Paragraph, whether or not they have dialogue.
How this works...
WRONG:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You named a stuffed animal?" Toby raised his eyebrows, surprised, and Becky's blush grew brighter, creeping down her neck. < -- Two Characters acting in the same paragraph.>
Becky mumbled, "I wouldn't so much say named, as gave it an identifying word to distinguish it from all the other stuffed cute kitty plushies." < -- this whole line is Abandoned Dialogue.>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
RIGHT:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toby raised his eyebrows, surprised. "You named a stuffed animal?"
Becky's blush grew brighter, creeping down her neck. "I wouldn't so much say named, as gave it an identifying word to distinguish it from all the other stuffed cute kitty plushies."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's Missing?
-- 'Becky mumbled'. <-- This is an unnecessary Dialogue tag. Once you link a character's Dialogue to their corresponding Actions, you no longer need the Dialogue tags.
If you really, really want to add that Becky mumbled her words, describe it as an action. Don't TELL us that she mumbled, SHOW us.
Example:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Becky's blush grew brighter, creeping down her neck. Her voice dropped to a mumble. "I wouldn't so much say named, as gave an identifying word to distinguish it from all the other stuffed cute kitty plushies."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-----Original Message-----
"What if the next internals and action/dialogue are his, like:"
"You named a stuffed animal?" Toby raised his eyebrows, surprised, and Becky's blush grew brighter, creeping down her neck. Her reaction was adorable and he couldn't resist needling her some more. "I thought you hated stuffies."
"Then can you lump those actions together?"
-- Thanks in advance -- Jas
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Um... NO.
-- Remember this?
"…A new paragraph begins with Each Change of Speaker."
-- When a new character ACTS they're supposed to get a new paragraph.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You named a stuffed animal?" Toby raised his eyebrows, surprised, and <-- Toby's Actions / Becky's Actions --> Becky's blush grew brighter, creeping down her neck.
Becky didn't say anything, but she IS acting -- a blush is an action -- therefore Becky gets her OWN paragraph.
Adjusted:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You named a stuffed animal?" Toby raised his eyebrows, surprised.
Becky's blush grew brighter, creeping down her neck.
However, this is incorrect too:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You named a stuffed animal?" Toby raised his eyebrows, surprised.
Actions go BEFORE Reactions Toby was surprised so he commented: "You named a stuffed animal?" He didn't comment and THEN become surprised.
Adjusted:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toby raised his eyebrows, surprised. "You named a stuffed animal?"
All together now!
Original:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You named a stuffed animal?" Toby raised his eyebrows, surprised, and Becky's blush grew brighter, creeping down her neck. Her reaction was adorable and he couldn't resist needling her some more. "I thought you hated stuffies."
Adjusted:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toby raised his eyebrows, surprised. "You named a stuffed animal?"
Becky's blush grew brighter, creeping down her neck.
Her reaction was so adorable, Toby couldn't resist needling her some more. "I thought you hated stuffies?"
-----Original Message-----
"But when you do that, it looks so...choppy on the page. There's ton's of empty white space!"
-- Hates Empty Space
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yes, it looks choppy on the page, but its Far More Important that there is absolutely no doubt in anyone's mind as to who is acting and who is speaking.
Another Example:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Don't help me. I'm fine by myself," she told him, not bothering to be polite. He looked surprised and perhaps a little hurt. She heard another voice.
"Geez, you're pretty full of yourself, aren't you?" She got to her feet and brushed herself off, glancing in the direction of the newcomer. She nearly recoiled in shock. Another handsome guy. He crossed his arms over his chest. "He was just trying to help you." He told her. She readjusted her bag and said.
"I don't recall asking for help."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
By the way, once you separate each of your character's actions into new paragraphs and reconnect each character's dialogue to their actions, you won't need dialogue tags such as "said" because your character's actions are the identifiers for your dialogue.
With actions separated & dialogue attached.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Don't help me. I'm fine by myself." She didn't bother to be polite.
He looked surprised and perhaps a little hurt.
A new voice called out. "Geez, you're pretty full of yourself, aren't you?"
She got to her feet and brushed herself off, glancing in the direction of the newcomer. Another handsome guy. She nearly recoiled in shock.
He crossed his arms over his chest. "He was just trying to help you."
She readjusted her bag. "I don't recall asking for help."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you truly loathe all that white space, then fill it in with more actions, description, and internal narration observations.
-----Original Message-----
But what about when someone is watching someone else, or feeling someone do something to them? -- Concerned about Observation
This seems perfectly fine, right?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He watched her shake her butt.
He felt her skin move against his.
However, once you take this into account:
"…A new paragraph begins with Each Change of Speaker."
-- When a new character ACTS they're supposed to get a new paragraph.
Not so fine after all. You have two people acting in the same line -- in Both Cases.
The way around this little gem of a problem, is to SHOW the event by character rather than TELL it in one lump.
You begin by dividing the actions by Character:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He watched her.
She shook her butt and her skin moved against his.
He felt it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Seems kind'a…short eh? That's because those lines TOLD you what happened, instead of Showing you what happened, so there are all kinds of details missing. Once you add enough details to paint a whole picture…
Adjusted:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From his seat at the edge of the stage, he watched her.
Tall, svelte, and in the skimpiest bathing suit he'd ever seen, she moved in close and shook her butt. The round, firm flesh jiggled enticingly against his face.
His cheeks were subjected to the most incredible, though slightly sweaty, facial massage ever.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KILL the Dialogue Tags. (Seriously.)
-- When you have an action with a line of dialogue, you don't need Dialogue tags, such as "he said" -- at all. You already know through their actions WHO is speaking.
Dialogue tags are only ever needed when you don't have any other way of identifying the speaker.
HOWEVER, if you have no other way of knowing who is speaking than dialogue tags, then you have committed the heinous crime of:
Dialogue in a Vacuum
- Also known as "talking heads syndrome."
A book with nothing but reams of dialogue marked only by dialogue tags means that while people may be talking, there is no PICTURE. The mental movie has stopped and only the sound-track is playing. Compare it to a Radio Show with no sound effects.
I don't know about you, but when I go to read a story, I want to SEE what I'm reading like a movie, not listen to a radio show.
Memorize this:
Readers always interpret what they read the way they want to see it -- unless you SHOW them what you envisioned.
In other words…
What CAN be misunderstood -- WILL be misunderstood.
Leave Nothing to Misinterpretation.
-- Readers will ALWAYS make whatever assumptions come to mind about what they are reading. When a reader realizes that what they thought was going on -- wasn't, they'll get confused, and occasionally pissed off.
Unmarked blocks of dialogue are painfully EASY to get lost in.
I remember reading one whole page of un-tagged action-less dialogue only to find out that I had two of the characters reversed. Did I reread that whole page to figure out what was going on? Hell no! I tossed the book across the room. (In fact, it's still on the floor gathering dust bunnies.)
"But, isn't that's what 'said' and other dialogue tags are for?"
Just for the record...
-- Using dialogue tags is Not against the rules. Dialogue tags are a perfectly viable way to identify who is speaking -- it just makes that part of the story BORING. (I don't know about you, but I won't read something that bores me.)
I choose to write my dialogue without using "said" unless I am actually describing a change in voice, tone, or volume in the same paragraph. And even then, I try to avoid them. I use the speaker's actions to define who is speaking to whom.
I use ACTION TAGS.
"What the heck is an Action Tag?"
BODY LANGUAGE
Language is Visual not just a bunch of words. Watch the average conversation between two people. 90% of that conversation isn't in what's spoken, it's in what they are DOING as they are speaking. It's in their Body Language. Body-language cues the reader as to what is going on in a character's head – in ADDITION to dialogue and internal narrative.
Action and body-language tags on dialogue are Not just for decoration.
-- Stories are Mental Movies you play in your imagination. I don't know about you, but I HATE to be interrupted when I'm involved in a good movie. If I have to stop and reread a section just to figure out what the heck is going on, I've been interrupted. One too many interruptions and I'm switching to another story -- with no intention of continuing with something that's just too much work to get through.
Action tags keep the mental Movie rolling and the MEANING of what is being said crystal clear. A small simple action can tell you right away, what's going through the speaker's head.
Don't just SAY it! ~ SHOW IT!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I love you too." She rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically. "Oh yes, I truly do love you."
"I love you too." She dropped her chin and pouted. "Oh yes, I truly do love you."
"I love you too." She glared straight at him. "Oh yes, I truly do love you."
"I love you too." She turned away and wiped the tear from her cheek. "Oh yes, I truly do love you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WHY I loathe the word "said".
- To be perfectly clear, it's not JUST the word 'said', I hate ALL Dialogue Tags inclusively. I utterly refuse to use them.
Why?
- Because they're wasteful. They clutter up dialogue while slowing down actions, and they use up word-count that could be far better used elsewhere.
I don't believe in putting anything in my fiction that isn't useful. If it doesn't add to the character or the plot, it gets eradicated. Dialogue tags are too easily replaced by something that actually adds to the story, such as an action, a facial expression, a spot of description, or a character's opinions.
Just for the record, I write extremely dialogue-heavy fiction. When I find that a dialogue tag is indeed needed in my story to identify who is talking, I see it as a red flag that indicates that all action has come to a screeching halt. Nothing is Happening other than talking; also known as: Talking Heads Syndrome.
When that happens, I find some way to fill that space with something useful to the story such as an action, a facial expression, a spot of description, or a character's opinions -- ANYTHING other than a dialogue tag.
But those are MY feelings on the subject.
-- Your mileage may vary.
Dialogue tags ARE a legitimate form of sentence structure. When there is no other way to identify a speaker, dialogue tags are indeed a viable option.
What about Punctuation for Dialogue?
- Go here:
theeditorsblog.net/2010/12/08/…
Read that.
Paragraph Aesthetics
-----Original Message-----
"I suppose the issue I have is with the aesthetics of paragraphing. Though text is not comparable to a visual medium such as film, it is still something that we have to view with our eyes."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Actually, text aesthetics -- the way the words appear on the page -- seems to be a HUGE bone of contention.
-----Original Message-----
"...The way I see it, your example suggests that I break my text up into a lot of little paragraphs. Given this understanding, in a scene rich with alternating action, it looks like I'll be left with a lot of one-line paragraphs. ...I'd greatly appreciate it if you clarified this situation. I suppose that is the trouble with having to jot down the basics, you can't expand on the little details of the rule. ^_^
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Paragraph Aesthetics - Illustrated
-- The way a story appears on a standard 9.5 x 11 inch piece of paper is NOT the way to judge whether or not one's paragraphs are too long or too short. A story viewed on a browser page carries even less weight.
Why not?
-- Because Fiction is generally printed on pages HALF the size of a full sheet of paper. What appears to be a lot of short little paragraphs on the "internet page," are NOT so short or so little once you put them on the Printed page.
The standard sizes for printed Fiction are: paperback (4.25 x 6.75 inches), and trade paperback (5.5 x 8.25 inches.) Hard-cover books use the same size page as a Trade. Only coffee-table books possess printed pages anywhere near the size of a standard sheet of paper.
Visual Aids:
ALL examples are 12 pt. Times New Roman font.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Standard Paperback 6.75 x 4.25, 1/2 inch margins:
i426.photobucket.com/albums/pp…
Trade paperback 5.5 x 8.25, 1/2 inch margins:
i426.photobucket.com/albums/pp…
Standard sheet of paper 8.5" x 11", 1 inch margins:
i426.photobucket.com/albums/pp…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Personally, I could care less what my text looks like on the page. As far as I'm concerned, making the story as clear and easy to read as possible is far more important to me than what the text looks like. If I have done my job well, no one will even notice the words - only the story unfolding in their imaginations.
As for internet reading, I'm completely baffled why anyone would care how it looks on the browser page. All you have to do is narrow the window and the text adjusts.
-----Original Message-----
"Also, I hope you don't mind, but did you come up with the rules yourself, through experience and trial and error, publisher's advice, or is there a handy guide I can employ? Obviously, I quite loyally follow Strunk and White, but I don't think it talks about this subject much. Is there a book that YOU use?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Let's start here:
"...did you come up with the rules yourself, through experience and trial and error, publisher's advice...?"
YES - to all of the above, plus editor hounding and long chats with a number of extremely well-established fiction authors. In addition, I've read a crap-load of how-to books. I'm pretty sure I own, and have practically memorized, just about every book "Writer's Digest" has put out.
My writing advice posts are the results of taking all the info I'd crammed into my head and condensing it into small bite-sized, chewable, pieces that are easy to remember and much easier to apply. Rather than waste people's time on theory, I focus on application.
As for recommended reads...
-- Unfortunately, there is no one guide that shows it all. Not One. However, there are two books I can't praise highly enough. As far as I'm concerned, they are VITAL reading for fiction writing.
SCENE & STRUCTURE by Jack. M. Bickham
THE WRITER'S JOURNEY by Christopher Vogler
-- (Google is your friend.)
There are lots of other books I could recommend, but these are the two "Must Haves" if an author really, REALLY wants to write fiction well.
Enjoy!
Related content
Comments: 337
Swiss-Dilettante In reply to ??? [2012-06-11 14:04:33 +0000 UTC]
Alright, thank you!
From what I've gathered, outside factors, or sudden actions, (such as the knocking on the door) receive their own paragraph. And it is acceptable to insert your POV's character's thoughts on a subject into another character's paragraph.
That clears a lot up. Twilight must be poorly written, for I hear that everywhere....
Thanks again, Miss! Your advice means a great deal to me!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
OokamiKasumi In reply to Swiss-Dilettante [2012-06-11 18:45:07 +0000 UTC]
From what I've gathered, outside factors, or sudden actions, (such as the knocking on the door) receive their own paragraph.
That's because Outside Actions = Change in Speaker even if it's an inanimate object, and change in speaker = New Paragraph.
it is acceptable to insert your POV's character's thoughts on a subject into another character's paragraph.
Of course! The POV character is the one telling the story, therefore ALL the events are colored by their Opinions.
I'm glad I could help!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Swiss-Dilettante In reply to OokamiKasumi [2012-06-11 23:32:37 +0000 UTC]
Ah, alright. I am glad you told me that. I don't recall you mentioning that in this particular tutorial.
Great! Now I know. And knowing is half the battle.
Again, my sincere thanks!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
OokamiKasumi In reply to Swiss-Dilettante [2012-06-13 07:39:03 +0000 UTC]
I didn't mention it because it was something I figured out After I wrote the essay.
Glad I could help.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Swiss-Dilettante In reply to OokamiKasumi [2012-06-13 12:53:05 +0000 UTC]
Ah, I see. Just goes to show that one keeps learning and learning. And that won't ever stop.
Much appreciated. [3
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
OokamiKasumi In reply to Swiss-Dilettante [2012-06-16 08:35:29 +0000 UTC]
Very true. Learning never ends. After all, it's what keeps life interesting!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Swiss-Dilettante In reply to OokamiKasumi [2012-06-19 01:28:36 +0000 UTC]
Indeed it is. And I am glad about it.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Leanai In reply to ??? [2012-03-01 16:17:49 +0000 UTC]
Thank you!
This really helped me out!
I just read a tutorial for writing prose and learned that paragraphing was one of the most important if not the most important thing of all but I did not quite get the picture how everything worked. This one did
It totally made my day! I did not really want to write anymore because I couldn't work out how paragraphing worked xD
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
OokamiKasumi In reply to Leanai [2012-03-02 00:59:08 +0000 UTC]
Paragraphing is the most important aspect to writing fiction, and yet it's treated like the biggest frikken secret out there -- and I have no clue WHY!
I've read a ton of tutorials on this, and they ALL seem to dance around the subject rather than simply tell you: "Paragraph by Character." I'm beginning to wonder if there's some rule against giving out Simple and Clear instructions.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Leanai In reply to OokamiKasumi [2012-03-02 14:50:10 +0000 UTC]
Yes I agree with you! I felt very happy only because I found out it was such a simple rule. I was told to watch books like HP just to see how they made their paragraphs but couldn't really find an easy way.
I have just adjusted my first chapter with help of your tutorial. Could you have a look if I got it right? If you don't have time you don't have to but I'd really appreciate it.
[link]
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
OokamiKasumi In reply to Leanai [2012-03-02 23:52:50 +0000 UTC]
I'm glad I could help, but I have far too much of my own work to look at anyone else's.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Chii-Bii In reply to ??? [2012-02-19 08:08:21 +0000 UTC]
Bob groaned as the sunlight shone through the curtains. He flung an arm over his eyes and tried not to look directly up at the ceiling; damn hangover- screw you- screw you all! This was his fault. He was supposed to call Tom later today, but all he could think about was punching Jack in the face- and he wouldn't show any mercy.
He shouldn't have gone. Though his damn optimism struck him again- causing guilt to eat up whatever pride he had as Jack gave him the most adorable puppy dog eyes he's ever seen, and he just couldn't say no.
Did I get that right? Or as soon as 'Bob' started thinking should I have made a new paragraph? (BTW no this isn't a story I'm working on. No way would I name my characters just 'Bob or Tom' XD)(Though maybe Jack...)
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
OokamiKasumi In reply to Chii-Bii [2012-02-19 14:28:58 +0000 UTC]
The only mistakes you made were a couple punctuation nits, and the "AS". However, that one "as" put the entire paragraph Out of Chronological Order.
Original:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bob groaned as the sunlight shone through the curtains. He flung an arm over his eyes and tried not to look directly up at the ceiling; damn hangover- screw you- screw you all! This was his fault. He was supposed to call Tom later today, but all he could think about was punching Jack in the face- and he wouldn't show any mercy.
Adjusted:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The sunlight shone through the curtains.
Bob groaned, flung an arm over his eyes, and tried not to look directly up at the ceiling. Damn hangover, screw you. Screw you all! This was his fault. He was supposed to call Tom later today, but all he could think about was punching Jack in the face--and he wouldn't show any mercy.
On that last bit:
--and he wouldn't show any mercy.
This line doesn't need that many words. In fiction, (unlike reports or essays,) you want to use as FEW words as possible, and you want those words to carry Impact.
Original:
...all he could think about was punching Jack in the face--and he wouldn't show any mercy.
= 6 words
Adjusted:
...all he could think about was punching Jack in the face--without mercy.
= 2 words plus Impact!
Can you see how it's clearer, tighter, faster? Punches in the face should always be clear, tight, and fast! So should fiction.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Chii-Bii In reply to OokamiKasumi [2012-02-19 15:16:23 +0000 UTC]
Ah thank you. 8D
I kind of rushed since it was just an example, and it wasn't like it was a real story I was working on. But thank you for the help! 8D
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
OokamiKasumi In reply to Chii-Bii [2012-02-21 18:56:19 +0000 UTC]
I hope I was able to make things a little clearer.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Deceitful-Fox In reply to ??? [2012-01-17 14:22:18 +0000 UTC]
Wow, this was super helpful, thanks! I am one of those strange people who prefers writing description to dialogue, and I never did know quite how to paragraph dialogue properly. It's funny how many published authors don't take heed of this advice, either. *sighs* I only wish I had had the foresight to look it up before writing 258,000 words... Sometimes one can get so gripped by one's own story!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
OokamiKasumi In reply to Deceitful-Fox [2012-01-17 17:21:56 +0000 UTC]
When my editor first taught this to me, I burst into tears because I had to make changes on an entire novel manuscript, so I do understand.
However, once you get used to writing this way, you'll discover that it's not only easier to write this way, it's Faster!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Deceitful-Fox In reply to OokamiKasumi [2012-01-17 18:01:29 +0000 UTC]
Burst into tears? Oh dear. It is a lot of work, but I figure it took me two years to write the thing in the first place, another year of editing was sort of expected. I'm sure having it as good as it can be will make it more attractive to publishers, and better grammar off the mark means less editing in the future!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
cindella204 In reply to ??? [2012-01-04 23:07:13 +0000 UTC]
Okay, so I have been doing it right for the most part *sigh of relief* I am a diehard FanFiction writer, and people tell me that I "hit enter too much". I always start a new paragraph for a new character, and occasionally for emphasis, that's stylistic but I only do it occasionally. Glad to know I'm doing it right!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
OokamiKasumi In reply to cindella204 [2012-01-04 23:54:28 +0000 UTC]
Screw those that hate blank space. They're WRONG.
Your art is not in how the paragraphs look on the page, but how your story looks in your readers' imaginations.
If you honestly feel you have too much blank space, you can always add more spot description: facial expressions to reveal underlying emotions, small actions such as waving a hand in denial or clenching fists, the effects of the weather such as the wind in their hair and the sun on their faces, or snapshots of a character's location.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
cindella204 In reply to OokamiKasumi [2012-01-05 01:42:49 +0000 UTC]
Okay, thanks for the advice, I'm actually going to write now so I'll keep that in mind
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
OokamiKasumi In reply to cindella204 [2012-01-05 05:39:18 +0000 UTC]
It's just advice. Take or leave it, as you please.
-- Happy writing!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Live-Jackson In reply to ??? [2012-01-04 21:49:43 +0000 UTC]
Wow that helped a ton! But shit, I have a lot of dialogue to re-write xD
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
OokamiKasumi In reply to Live-Jackson [2012-01-04 23:47:35 +0000 UTC]
When my editor first taught me this stuff, and I realized how much I had to rewrite, I broke down and cried.
However, once I started writing this way, I discovered that it was actually Easier -- and faster!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Live-Jackson In reply to OokamiKasumi [2012-01-04 23:58:06 +0000 UTC]
Yeah, thankfully I'm only like 10,000 words in and of course that isn't all dialogue so I don't have THAT much to edit
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
OokamiKasumi In reply to Live-Jackson [2012-01-05 00:18:28 +0000 UTC]
Lucky...!
-- I found out after submitting a whole novel. It took weeks to fix it all.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Ms-JuneSummers In reply to ??? [2011-12-01 18:52:43 +0000 UTC]
Oh, a definite must-read! The points are made very clear! Just what I needed!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
OokamiKasumi In reply to Ms-JuneSummers [2011-12-07 02:00:16 +0000 UTC]
I'm glad you liked it!
-- Learning this revolutionized my own writing. Seriously.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
TannerTelford22 In reply to ??? [2011-10-12 19:10:13 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much! This will really help out a lot. I love writing, but my works are not usually based around a lot of action and dialogue like this. Again, thank you. This is wonderful
Note: Are you the multi-published author in the disclaimer? If so, I am honored that you read my story
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
OokamiKasumi In reply to TannerTelford22 [2011-10-14 16:51:48 +0000 UTC]
I'm glad you liked it!
-- Yes I am indeed that author.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Pereyga In reply to ??? [2011-08-15 17:04:37 +0000 UTC]
thx it's helpful
i suck at writing dialogue XD
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
OokamiKasumi In reply to Pereyga [2011-08-15 18:34:32 +0000 UTC]
Once you get used to writing this way, you'll discover that not only is this an easier way to write a story, it's Faster too.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Pereyga In reply to OokamiKasumi [2011-08-15 19:09:39 +0000 UTC]
^^ ths for all those writing tutorials you make
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
OokamiKasumi In reply to My-life-in-words [2011-07-26 02:34:47 +0000 UTC]
You're very welcome!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Gaufrier In reply to ??? [2011-07-18 01:59:46 +0000 UTC]
When writing like this -
""Don't help me. I'm fine by myself." She didn't bother to be polite.
He looked surprised and perhaps a little hurt.
A new voice called out. "Geez, you're pretty full of yourself, aren't you?"
She got to her feet and brushed herself off, glancing in the direction of the newcomer. Another handsome guy. She nearly recoiled in shock.
He crossed his arms over his chest. "He was just trying to help you."
She readjusted her bag. "I don't recall asking for help.""
I worry that if I do that like you did above, I'll be using the words "he" and "she" too much. Is there any way around this?
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OokamiKasumi In reply to Gaufrier [2011-07-26 02:34:17 +0000 UTC]
I worry that if I do that like you did above, I'll be using the words "he" and "she" too much. Is there any way around this?
Yes. Use your characters' names and physical descriptions. This example came from another writer who didn't include names or descriptions so 'he' and 'she' were all I had.
Take a look at some of my posted stories (in my gallery) to see how I actually do it.
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cohra In reply to ??? [2011-06-27 09:33:08 +0000 UTC]
Should a (brief) description get it's own paragraph?
Or be integrated in a "real person's" paragraph?
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OokamiKasumi In reply to cohra [2011-06-27 14:21:11 +0000 UTC]
It depends on WHO is seeing the view the description is about.
Example:
-- Oscar the Grouch popped out of his trash can. Serrated green leaves waved among slender and barbed branches around the mouth of his home. He gasped in horror. "What is this disgusting mess?" He leaned out and looked around in disbelief. "Oh ugh, I'm surrounded. Somebody put my trash can in a revolting pile of... What are these? Roses?" He could almost stand something that closely resembled a heaped snarl of barbed wire, if it weren't for those eye-searing explosions of hideous color. He curled his lip. "Pink, I hate pink."
To make matters worse the stench was overwhelmingly sweet. "Oh, eww! The smell!" He slapped a fuzzy green hand over his fuzzy green nose. "It's gonna take me a week to get that stink out'ta my can!" He felt his gorge rising. "I think I'm going to be sick. At least it'll smell better."
See?
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cohra In reply to OokamiKasumi [2011-06-27 14:47:21 +0000 UTC]
So there's still a paragraph where the description takes itself to a new level?
So first the general 'input' Oscar gets, and then the 'stench' hits?
Did I get that right?
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OokamiKasumi In reply to cohra [2011-06-28 02:06:26 +0000 UTC]
So there's still a paragraph where the description takes itself to a new level?
Yes! But that's not a hard fast rule. That can be adjusted as needed. I just prefer to break up my paragraphs to keep the reader from being intimidated by walls of text.
So first the general 'input' Oscar gets, and then the 'stench' hits?
It has to do with what information hits the character first. Most people SEE things faster than they SMELL or FEEL things, but a Smell can hit first -- such as when something is rotting.
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cohra In reply to OokamiKasumi [2011-06-28 12:46:15 +0000 UTC]
Ok thanks I think I got it now
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Darnimax In reply to ??? [2011-04-22 02:21:02 +0000 UTC]
Sometimes I get really caught up in a scene and start describing things heavily between lines of dialogue. It gets to the point where, sometimes, rading through it, I forget what one character said by the time the next character responds. I figure that's not good.
I also like showing the emotion in a conversation by making it very quick, just having the lines zip back and forth with little or no description. But then I feel like I'm not doing the scene justice.
These are likely the side effects of being young and relatively inexperienced when it comes to writing.
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OokamiKasumi In reply to Darnimax [2011-04-25 00:38:22 +0000 UTC]
These are likely the side effects of being young and relatively inexperienced when it comes to writing.
Time and Practice improves everything. Believe me.
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Chibi-Rini-Hime In reply to ??? [2011-03-25 21:41:46 +0000 UTC]
It seems quite a few people complain about breaking up paragraphs for dialogue because of all the white space. I don't know if it necessarily applies to others, but the white space created by dialogue breaking up longer paragraphs of description seems pleasing to me. It isn't just in the sense of looking at the page, but it makes reading seem smoother. Reading walls of text about what everyone has done with absolutely no conversation in there between characters makes a book so dull for me.
I try to avoid huge amounts of useless purple prose in my descriptions and get to characters interacting ASAP, but also establish the setting in a way where the reader can visualize it, but I suppose that's also because character interaction and dialogue are some of my favourite things to write.
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OokamiKasumi In reply to Chibi-Rini-Hime [2011-03-26 01:32:31 +0000 UTC]
I happen to be very fond of white space myself. Walls of unbroken text make me tired just looking at them.
Character interaction and dialogue are just about everybody's favourite things to write, which is WHY so many people skimp on describing the places where their stories are happening.
But think...! How boring would Star Wars have been if no one had bothered to show you what the Death Star looked like, or Luke's home planet of Tattooine?
How much of the impact in Avatar would have been lost if they hadn't shown all those sweeping panoramas of the planet, or close-ups on the aliens and the creatures that lived there?
Description is just as important as the characters themselves.
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Trudos In reply to ??? [2011-03-19 05:50:07 +0000 UTC]
This is extremely helpful, and I'm definitely going to take it into consideration as I keep writing.
I kinda prefer to separate speech paragraphs from the actions before. I'll admit, at times it does make the flow a bit awkward, but it's been my style so far. I do however, try to convey character through the wording so people know who's talking, even when there's no obvious indications.
AND YES! I totally agree with you on dialogue tags! I've always hated them with a passion.
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