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oracle-of-nonsense β you're too busy surviving...
Published: 2010-06-08 19:06:03 +0000 UTC; Views: 587; Favourites: 19; Downloads: 2
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Description
Grow upand cut your hair.
Get a job,
and stop caring
because you've stopped believing
because cynicism is cheaper and more fashionable,
because all your energy is used up
trying to stay apathetic
toward the things you really hate
but have to put up with anyway
for whatever reason
society has given this decade.
Stop wasting your time on roses
and other ephemeral things,
like people.
Stop writing, stop painting
and for God's sake stop asking us
WHY.
Go to work,
eat, sleep, don't dream,
then repeat as necessary
until you too become dust
and perpetuate the cycle.
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Comments: 22
It feels a bit ranty... and I feel it needs a bit more substance to punch it up. Yes, it does feel a bit dry. It seems very matter-of-fact-list-like. You don't have to be cryptic to get your point across, but you don't have to write it out like a rant either.
How do these make you feel? Besides statements of anger, how would you describe that anger?
Society - how would you describe it?
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Well, it is matter-of-fact, but aside from that, any suggestions on how I might give it a bit more substance?
It's not really anger. If I felt like there was no escape from that sort of life, I would be angry, but there is. I just think that a lot of people sacrifice passion for security, and happiness for money. And I think that the way that any higher-than-3rd-world society is set up is generally geared toward its citizens making as much money as possible. Most societies we have now support the government, which, of course, benefits from money made by its people. There are some societies that didn't work like that, but we've mostly wiped those societies out.
Does that answer your questions?
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Well, my question for society was more of a question to encourage you to describe it in your poem. XD
Perhaps it would make it interesting if you injected things in there like cynicism - how you would describe it - continue sentence.
Society - how you would describe it - continue sentence.
I think that would be interesting for your style and voice.
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Oh, whoops.
I think that would make the poem more of an essay with a lot of line breaks.
Thank you for taking the time to comment this, it means a lot.
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I dunno, it's a style. 
You're welcome.
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wow the way you worded this amazes me! its on eof the few pieces that i read and has left me in awe.
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Really? I'm glad you liked it!
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lol your username is awesome.
& I freaking love this!
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As you say, the topic is well-used and perhaps that lends itself to a bit of a stale theme, but you write well enough that you lend it a bit of newness too. The last lines are particularly powerful.
The first few lines...the "grow up and cut your hair" part seems a bit disconnected from the rest of the piece. Those first few lines are very specific and the rest of the poem is a bit more general and ambiguous.
Overall, a well-done piece!
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Thank you. :]
Those were actually the start of the poem itself. My brothers and my boyfriend (until recently) had long hair, and...elderly folk were always telling them to cut it, that they'd never get a job, etc.
Thank you for commenting!
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This reminds me greatly of someone from my school, except this is what he says to everyone and then he continues complaining constantly. It's not that this topic is a bit used up, because you do present it in a way that portrays anger rather than the defeat that is normally portrayed. I think it's mostly the ideas I have an issue with. Not everyone with a job is robot.
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Of course not everyone with a job is a robot. My point is that one should never stop dreaming, never stop questioning everything, and never settle for something that doesn't make one happy. For example, if you wanted to be a teacher, but thought you'd make more money as a doctor, or something along those lines.
Thank you for your comment.
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Oh, in that case, I agree totally.
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Hah, I'm glad.
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I thought this was about Nonnor at first. Like, a letter written to him or something. That is basically the theme, though, so I think I win anyway. ^ ^
Maybe a teeny bit dry, but you're writing style keeps it away from being too clichΓ© and/or boring.
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No, never. Connor would never condone not asking why, or having a crappy job that he hated. Ever.
Yeah, that's sort of what I thought too. Thanks.
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That's my point. It's society's letter to him. Because he resists better than most of us. :]
You're welcome.
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Ohhh, I get it now. I agree.
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Nice. Sums up exactly how I feel most of the time.
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Awwh. That's too bad.
Thanks for the comment.
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