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orphicfiddler — The Deliquescent Cell
Published: 2011-06-20 04:00:15 +0000 UTC; Views: 1012; Favourites: 13; Downloads: 10
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Description I have been in isolation for four days now. I think.

The dark . . . So solid you could carve your hands through the stagnant air and feel as though you were parting folds of thick, dusty velvet, like the drapes at Grandmother's house. I spent the first day just trying not to choke, suffocating on my own circulating anxiety and the faint trickle of blood cleaving to my throat from a broken nose.

To pass the time I slept—slept and gasped and dreamed of Anna, my fingertips clawing out into the heavy emptiness to feel the velveteen of her skin one last time. After so many years of sleeping beside someone, it's difficult to quell the urge to embrace, and every failed attempt found me waking in a cold sweat, my heart fluttering like a cat's throat when it purrs with fear, struggling to comfort itself.

On the second day, I began to explore my cell. There was not much to find—walls so rough they had the intricate texture of a hardened fur, a slick concrete floor, a tin pan of unidentifiable food-mush. But in one corner, as I crept up knee by knee, I discovered a pool of something liquid and cool, with the the peculiar mineral scent of well-water. I pondered if some underground aquifer were leaking in through the ceiling. Perhaps, I thought, this little pool might come in useful later.

At night, the aquifer went percolating down the wall with such vehemence I could have sworn it was the sound of an animal being gutted in an abattoir.

The pool grew, over the course of a few hours, from a little dripping thing to a sticky mass lapping at the perimeter of my pant-leg. I huddled in the opposing corner and adhered the fibers of my shirt to the coarse wall like sellotape, wishing desperately that the earth would absorb me through her hardened pores and sweat me out into the arms of Anna at home.

This morning, though . . . Oh God, I could not escape that pool. It was everywhere. I could not reach my food-mush and so I licked at the octopus liquid instead, cleaning my arms and ankles like a kitten, and it tasted of old jellied fruit and beef consummé and bile. And somewhere along the way I figured if I could be intrepid enough to taste my tormentor, I may as well discover its source.

And so I crawled my sticky way across the room and edged up the corner, back to one wall, feet braced against another. I touched it hanging from the ceiling.

A face. A face with soft velveteen flesh, as though a peach had been skinned and sewn into a mask for a ceramic doll. Closed eyes, rubbery lips sending twitches through my fingertips with the unmistakable sense of familiarity.

And I thought to myself, At least I felt her skin one last time.
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Comments: 25

camelopardalisinblue [2013-10-01 07:59:13 +0000 UTC]

Oh good crikey. No words.

(But I loved it.)

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brain-tree [2013-07-24 05:20:01 +0000 UTC]

This is good.  Very good.  Perfect for its length, and I love your diction.  It's simple, yet effective.  Calm, indeed, but with just enough anxiety to elicit a response.

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orphicfiddler In reply to brain-tree [2013-08-15 16:57:44 +0000 UTC]

Thank you! It's a challenge expressing a story at this length, but the limitations of the exercise were fun. I need to write some more supershort things.

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brain-tree In reply to orphicfiddler [2013-08-17 13:54:52 +0000 UTC]

Indeed it is, and you've done it amazingly well here.  Truly.


And I'd encourage you to write some more short pieces, I know I'd have a great time reading them it if you did.

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katarthis [2012-06-19 15:50:52 +0000 UTC]

Ouch.

k

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orphicfiddler In reply to katarthis [2012-11-01 00:42:33 +0000 UTC]

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neurotype-on-discord [2011-07-10 00:49:35 +0000 UTC]

Oh maaaaaan. Ew. Way to use taste in this one...and then following it up with touch, well done. (Don't know if 'solitary confinement' is the right descriptor....)

Your descriptions are overall outstanding; in particular I liked the animal theme and was hoping you'd use it again perhaps when he feels the lips, tying things into a nice little circle. The one that didn't work as well for me was the first metaphor used to describe the walls. I don't know if you wanted to reemphasize the animal bit there, but something like tiny serrated teeth would seem a lot more natural an association there than fur, which is usually soft.

As it stands currently, though, I'd just like to reemphasize the ew. (I'm assuming it's been less time than he thinks it has, since her flesh still feels soft, although I'm not 100% up on my forensic sciences.) This was rather vividly written....

Thanks for participating!

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orphicfiddler In reply to neurotype-on-discord [2011-07-14 17:40:36 +0000 UTC]

Hm, yeah, the fur thing is a bit strange looking at it now. I was inspired at the time by a parking garage near my old apartment with walls textured like soft gray fur - or at least so they appeared, until you touched them and found that they were really quite hard and course. A weird illusion of the concrete.

I think time is very off in this story. I was trying to keep precise track of it for a while, and then realized my character, without access to sunlight or a watch or anything, had no way of knowing when a day ended or began. So I'm not certain when he finds the body, but I believe it's been longer than he thought, and she's quite merrily rotting away and thus soft from that. Mmm, rotting.

Anyhow, thank you for reading my little story and commenting!

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neurotype-on-discord In reply to orphicfiddler [2011-07-15 22:50:52 +0000 UTC]

haha, I did get what you meant...it was just kind of out of place for that ambience.

mmm indeed although wouldn't there be an odor, then? I swear I don't remember seeing one mentioned.

sure!

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orphicfiddler In reply to orphicfiddler [2011-07-14 23:36:34 +0000 UTC]

*coarse

Stupid typos.

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RainyBaptasto [2011-07-01 16:45:58 +0000 UTC]

I really like this. It's disturbing and gory in a way that is still very tasteful. I only really see one little typo:

"this little pool might come in useful later"

It might be useful, or come in use, but it can't come in useful.

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orphicfiddler In reply to RainyBaptasto [2011-07-14 17:33:15 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for the correction. I've heard people say "come in useful" or "come in handy" before, but I suppose these phrases are kind of incorrect. Sort of like the improper usage of "besides" as in "besides the point" (rather than "beside the point"), which one of my friends used to get quite annoyed by.

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.

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RainyBaptasto In reply to orphicfiddler [2011-07-15 02:11:41 +0000 UTC]

I really liked it.

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safia3 [2011-06-22 15:54:23 +0000 UTC]

I love the initial descriptions of the cell as he starts to explore it. I could feel it along with him. So well done.

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orphicfiddler In reply to safia3 [2011-07-14 17:29:05 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much. I'm often deprived of one sense or another (or several) in my dreams, so I think that helped. Just had to recapture the feeling. Though thank God I've never had this specifically as a nightmare.

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ninjababy [2011-06-22 12:34:56 +0000 UTC]

I felt suffocated by the description of being surrounded by the stickiness and up against the wall, so you definitely did your job well.

The only thing that didn't sit 100% well with me was the switch from narrating to addressing the reader in "You have to understand." It took me out of his scene for a minute: one second I'm watching him struggle in this mess, and then suddenly he's looking at me.

Otherwise, though; I think you did exactly what you set out to do. It's macabre and unsettling in just the right way. Nicely done!

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orphicfiddler In reply to ninjababy [2011-07-14 17:25:11 +0000 UTC]

Hm, you're right about that. I think I originally envisioned this as some crazy guy telling his story to himself or the wall or something, but that little phrase seems a bit incongruous now. I'll consider removing it.

Thank you!

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ninjababy In reply to orphicfiddler [2011-07-14 19:13:05 +0000 UTC]

You bet; I really like this piece!

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ToshaDaydreamer [2011-06-22 08:11:19 +0000 UTC]

*goosebumps*

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orphicfiddler In reply to ToshaDaydreamer [2011-07-14 17:22:06 +0000 UTC]

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magpiesmiscellany [2011-06-20 23:18:51 +0000 UTC]

Oh god, nightmarishly fantastic as ever.

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orphicfiddler In reply to magpiesmiscellany [2011-07-14 17:21:16 +0000 UTC]

I swear I'm gonna write a happy story someday! Though I gather you don't seem to mind.

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magpiesmiscellany In reply to orphicfiddler [2011-07-14 19:54:36 +0000 UTC]

Plenty of people do creepy or horror kind of things, and it's rarely up my alley. But you always pull the reader in with your language, and so quickly. It's like a cross between black magic and getting mugged by literature.

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Jonathan-Frost [2011-06-20 10:23:24 +0000 UTC]

Can't really fault the text in any way and I like the idea.

One minor complaint though: "I spent the first day just trying to not to choke"
the first "to" I think is misplaced there.

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orphicfiddler In reply to Jonathan-Frost [2011-07-14 17:20:15 +0000 UTC]

All fixed. And thank you.

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