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orphicfiddler β€” The Mirror Crack'd
Published: 2013-08-19 21:02:40 +0000 UTC; Views: 886; Favourites: 14; Downloads: 0
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Description Queen, queen of the snow bee flakes
Got away in a day
Where the old sea quakes.
With a rush and a flush in her milk-white cheeks,
Stole away in her sleigh
To the vitreous lakes.

Kai, Kai with the mirror in his eye,
Saw the Pearl in her fur
Through a shard and a lie.
With a huff and rebuff of his childhood hearth,
Set a-stir by her lure,
He clung to her thigh.

Girl, girl all alone in the pale,
Set aside as a bride
But betrayed by her veil.
With a sob and a throb of her soft, red heart,
To abide where they hide,
She traversed his trail.

Death, Death in the blood-red sledge
Followed close on their toes
A precipitous ledge,
While the bride, cast aside, watched his grave-dark face;
Saw a rose in the snows
Withered brown as the sedge.

Ice, ice on a table sere
Made of bone and a stone
From a northern weir
Drove the boy with a ploy of a boundless skate;
Leash prone, to him sewn
Like a well-matched hair.

Love, love in a lambent stare
Shone white with the light
Of a window’s glare,
And the tears and the fears of the embraced girl
Cleared his sight all in spite
Of the queen’s cold lair.

Queen, queen sitting curled on a throne
With her feet on her seat
And a hate left to hone.
She espies as she sighs all the shards and the lies;
Longs for heat and retreat
And a love of her own.
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Comments: 29

VetchVespers [2019-11-01 06:09:07 +0000 UTC]

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XburiedinblackX [2014-01-02 00:41:26 +0000 UTC]

I had to read this aloud. I just couldn't resist. The way it flows is simply beautiful! Well done!

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rlkirkland [2013-10-17 11:59:10 +0000 UTC]

What a marvelous result.

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Gryffgirl [2013-10-17 11:07:56 +0000 UTC]

I love this tale!Β  Beautiful poem!

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pomohippie7 [2013-10-02 21:13:56 +0000 UTC]

We would like to inform you that this piece has been chosen as one of %Word-Smiths outstanding pieces of the month for October. Come on over and see the feature! And congratulations on such outstanding work.

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amrgalal7 [2013-09-11 19:27:35 +0000 UTC]

Such an impressive throbbing form
The words are well chosen, just irrevocable - nothing could be better

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magpiesmiscellany [2013-09-06 01:45:22 +0000 UTC]

Gorgeous and still a bit creepy, but less so than your usual

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RollingTomorrow [2013-09-01 14:42:19 +0000 UTC]

Thank you for participating in our writing prompt at #Live-Love-Write !

Β 

Β You did a good job with the story telling elements in this piece! It flowed very nicely and it was very interesting to read the story unfolding in verse.

Β 

Β Great work!

Β 

Β 

*TheFinalHikari

Founder of #Writers--club and #LandoftheSky

Co-founder of #Live-Love-Write

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kamisch42 [2013-08-23 03:48:25 +0000 UTC]

Excellent writing, and I'm very familiar with "The Lady of Shalott" and "Thw Snow Queen" and this is just...lovely. Really beautiful - so much so, I shared it in as many ways possible right away Definitely a

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orphicfiddler In reply to kamisch42 [2013-08-29 17:32:50 +0000 UTC]

Aww, thank you so much.

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AElfrics-Cat [2013-08-21 14:10:35 +0000 UTC]

Beautiful rhyme scheme - really like how you've manipulated this.Β  Beautiful retelling of the tale, especially loved the closing verse.Β  Gorgeous. x

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orphicfiddler In reply to AElfrics-Cat [2013-08-29 17:09:32 +0000 UTC]

Aw, thanks. I spent most of my poems last year trying to be clever and un-rhymed, but I just missed my rollicking meter too much lately.

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AElfrics-Cat In reply to orphicfiddler [2013-08-30 20:22:23 +0000 UTC]

There's always something to be said for a good rollick.

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JoseHolm [2013-08-20 21:13:19 +0000 UTC]

It's a very nice poem. It captures the story very well, and has a nice rhythm to it. I like it

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orphicfiddler In reply to JoseHolm [2013-08-29 16:40:50 +0000 UTC]

Thanks!

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AfterTheNonSequitur [2013-08-20 18:04:29 +0000 UTC]

I love your sense of rhyme and rhythm.

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orphicfiddler In reply to AfterTheNonSequitur [2013-08-29 16:25:57 +0000 UTC]

Thankya.

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tyronisaurus [2013-08-20 14:04:03 +0000 UTC]

wow. this was just amazing. it kept me on the edge of my seat with the quick, witty rhymes. i've read lots of good poetry, both free verse and rhymed and all in between, but this really made me realize that poetry is an art! c: great job!

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orphicfiddler In reply to tyronisaurus [2013-08-29 16:25:40 +0000 UTC]

Thanks! I'm glad I gave poetry a good name. Gotta support my poety brethren.

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IsabellaMichel [2013-08-20 07:26:16 +0000 UTC]

This is so brilliant and smooth. Reading it was a pure pleasure. I love the Snow Queen and I DID think of the Lady of Shalott when I thought of it simply because it had a very smooooooooth reading style. It was very nice. It feels like the poem is nicely shaped, nicely cut, like a cake and as I read and read I couldn't help but be entertained and impressed the whole way through. The Snow Queen is a lovely story and this poem tells it wonderfully.Β 

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orphicfiddler In reply to IsabellaMichel [2013-08-29 16:25:03 +0000 UTC]

Snow Queen is one of my favorite fairy tales ever (a lot of those favorites, incidentally, are by Hans Christian Anderson - his fairy tales are always so pretty and intricate and sad). I like that cake comparison. In fact, I had cake for breakfast today, so perhaps it's rubbing off on my writing.


Anyhow, thank you!

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IsabellaMichel In reply to orphicfiddler [2013-08-31 02:41:41 +0000 UTC]

I agree. Hans Christian Anderson has written stories that have made meΒ 

cry and made me jump with joy and connect with characters like few

writers can do.Β 


You had cake for breakfast today? Well people have frappes for

breakfast every day and that's basically the same thing!!!


You're welcome!

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bookbrink [2013-08-19 23:43:43 +0000 UTC]

I'm not familiar with the form either (but I'm balls with form), but I like it a lot. It's very catchy, and it kind of reminds me of Poe because of how fast you can read it, like a tongue twister. It's really good; I like it a lot

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orphicfiddler In reply to bookbrink [2013-08-29 16:04:05 +0000 UTC]

It's my own weird little form. Most of my poems are some kind of strange invented rhymey thing. That or sonnets. I really like sonnets.

Glad you liked it.

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bookbrink In reply to orphicfiddler [2013-08-29 16:20:19 +0000 UTC]

Mmmm sonnetsss *gurgle gurgle*

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orphicfiddler In reply to bookbrink [2013-08-29 17:33:52 +0000 UTC]

Delishus sonnetsss.

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ThornyEnglishRose [2013-08-19 21:16:26 +0000 UTC]

Yay, something new from you! This flows beautifully and has some lovely images. Does the form have a name? I'm not familiar with it.

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orphicfiddler In reply to ThornyEnglishRose [2013-08-29 16:03:12 +0000 UTC]

The form is my own random weird thing - I wish dA had a category for fixed forms that aren't traditional, because that's most of my poems.


I'm a'gonna try and write more of this poetry stuff in coming weeks. It's been too long. (Well, and I'm going to be working on my entry for your contest, too, of course.)

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ThornyEnglishRose In reply to orphicfiddler [2013-08-29 17:20:48 +0000 UTC]

Good!

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