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orphicfiddler — Threesome
Published: 2011-01-31 21:23:22 +0000 UTC; Views: 932; Favourites: 11; Downloads: 5
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Description
i.In the start, our budding love unfurled
Like poppies strewn across the morning sky,
And we within their depths lay drugged and curled.
ii.
In its prime, our love thrilled like a touch
Of lips on limbs, until a shadow crept
Into our bed and made a third too much.
iii.
In the end, our love sloughed off in sheaves,
Like light impaled upon the evening sky
Shedding sanguine streaks across the leaves.
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Comments: 24
The only line I'm not totally sure about is the sixth, and even then I'm like, mostly sure.
This is lovely.
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The sixth line is the one I messed around with the most and changed something like four times. I think I sort of hate it and love it at the same time, depending on how I read it. Which is why I don't always enjoy re-readig my own stuff.
And thank you.
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The alliteration in the final line is wonderful fun to speak aloud. Well done!
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Thank you. 
Sorry it took me a while to get to your comment - went to Portland for the weekend with minimal internet access.
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Truly, this is wonderful. I really don't have anything much to say. If this was a last minute piece, it doesn't show at all. Thank you much for submitting this, it's led me to wish I wasn't even bothering to do anything for the second prompt! haha
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Funny thing is, I think some of my last minute pieces are much better than my more meticulously developed works. I tend to overedit when I have a lot of time to work on a piece. Probably takes some of the life out of it.
And thank you.
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Short and simple but wonderfully descriptive. 
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I've been trying for shorter things lately - I used to write quite long poems, but you have to pack a lot more into each phrase with shorter pieces. Good writerly exercise.
Thank you, by the way.
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This flows rather beautifully, and there's some lovely imagery in there. I spotted a Wizard of Oz reference in the poppies, although I daresay that idea comes up in other things; A Midsummer Night's Dream also springs to mind.
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I did have the field of poppies from the Wizard of Oz in my mind with this, particularly a picture of it from an old illustrated version I had: [link]
Thank you very much.
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What a great illustration.
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It was one of my favorite books as a kid, although reading Wicked kinda ruined the original story for me. I love the retelling so much better.
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You did a great job of -- er what is the word -- oh yea Ekphrasis. Two things really stand out to me in this piece - firstly love, a drug, and poppies, that all ties in conceptually rather well, and secondly, "until a shadow crept
Into our bed and made a third too much" I love the visualisation here, I can almost see Princess Diana telling Andrew Morton "there are three of us in this marriage .."
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I think that one line took me longer to devise than the first and last stanzas put together. I'm glad you liked it.
Oh, ekphrasis . . . I haven't heard that word in a good long time. (Quite truthfully, I had quite forgotten it.)
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I was told about it at the one and only poetry workshop I have ever attended - and responded with something to the effect of "ah .. so THAT is what I have been doing all this time .."
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That he is.
I wish I could go back and thank his old dead bones for writing such wonderful poetry.
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