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orphicfiddler — To a Psychotic
Published: 2011-01-24 06:26:09 +0000 UTC; Views: 1023; Favourites: 26; Downloads: 15
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Description
What visions in that brainbox daily wend?With lightning-crackled clarity, last night
You told me of a city where they mend
The haggard blind-man's eyes with shards of light
Derived from silver filaments that lend
An antique gleam of past events to sight.
They call you mad, but gladly would I give
My own two eyes to see the world you live.
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Comments: 29
You've made the form work!
Much favoured by Lord Byron, I believe. He might have qualified for your title. One of his mistresses called him "mad, bad and dangerous to know"!
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Oh, nice! I'd never heard that quote before, but he is one heck of an interesting guy.
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In a very special sense of the word interesting!
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i can relate so well to this. I've always wondered what psychotics saw and how vivid it is. I watch movies like a beautiful mind and wonder how accurate they depict the delusions. I would like to have delusions of my own, as long as i know they're not real. They can keep me company when i'm alone or be a venting port during my day. Technically i just want an imaginary friend lol, for purely healthy reasons.
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I don't think you're alone in that desire. 
I do like my friend Sam, though. Salvia makes him believe that he's a lawn gnome.
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amazing structure is surpassed only by the supernova-like energy of your vision.
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God, I love that last couplet. This is incredible.
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Thank you so much.
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A couplet full of win! (Love making cross-genre commentary hybrids 
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This seems to wrap up a lot of story in a small package. It kind of reminds me of some people I have heard of, who despite being delusional exude a cheerful attitude.
I tried fitting an idea I had into that iambic pentameter style a few days ago, but I just couldn’t get it to work. I can understand structuring around syllables, but the whole stressed/unstressed word parts was a bit too much for me.
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I used to have a lot more trouble with iambic pentameter, but after taking a year of Shakespeare and another semester of Milton (though, granted, I'm only about three weeks into the semester), it's gotten much easier. Sometimes it's even hard to get out of. I suggest reading sonnets until you can't help but exude the right structure. It's a surprisingly effective approach.
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The diction is awesome, I have to say. I especially like the way you've began this with a question, as it makes it more profound and it provokes thought immediately... as well as the fact that it introduces us in a pretty 'clean' and efficient way.
I don't feel you need the "me" in the third line... "You told of a city where they mend" would fit better with the first two lines, for me.
I like the slight rhyming going on and how that adds more to the atmosphere and mood. The phrasing is really wonderful, though, especially with the last two lines.
Well written.
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Thank you very much for reading this and offering suggestions.
I'll see if there's anything else I can use instead of the me - it does seem superfluous, but I added it to maintain the iambic pentameter.
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I like it very much. And borrowing Milton's muse can't be a bad thing, so long as you put her back when you're done so that other bored students can play too
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I made sure to put her neatly back in the corner when I was done, though I did so want to adopt her and take her home with me.
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Good, let the other students play.
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Great flow and it didnt even seem as dark as the title intended it which is good
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Thank you very much.
Art, now, art is a bit different for me. THAT I can make dark.
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I think there is a sweetness about this that is hard for me to put in words. It is really lovely though.
Thank you.
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Thank you.
It's probably not terribly fun to be delusional, but I'm sure if one had happy delusions there would admittedly be some perks to the matter.
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Very enjoyable! Made me think of something to paint! A pay it forward kind of muse thing I suppose, eh?
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Ooo, I like that idea. I love it when art and writing and music and all sorts of things interact - no piece of art can exist in a vaccum after all, anyway, and I'll readily admit that pretty much every poem, story, or drawing I've produced had some basis in something someone else has done.
Those muses get around these days . . .
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You must've been reading his sonnet "When I consider how my light is spent." The syntax is very Miltonic--Latinate, inverted in several places--but I find it refreshing that you restrain Milton's Greco-Latinate vocabulary, opting for a more Anglophone or Germanic one instead. (E. g., crackled, haggard, shards.)
I have a feeling that, if you'd gone with a Miltonic vocabulary, the poem would've seemed much less authentic. Very cool.
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At the particular time, we were discussing "At a Vacation Exercise in the College" and "Ad Patrem" (which definately helped with a Latinate syntax, I would imagine), though I had already read that sonnet. I was kind of striving to combine Milton's easy flow and structure with a little of the way an imagist poem feels, plus fulfilling the form imposed by the prompt.
Thankya for the comments, good sir.
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I agree that there are more amazing pieces in your gallery, but I think this is up to your usual standard. Flawless rhyme and metre, as always, and very nice sentiments.
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No particular poem, really, just the general inspiration of hearing/reading good iambic pentameter. I usually have to make a fair effort to have the sentences flow past line breaks, but the structure came a lot more easily to me than usual when I was writing this.
And thank you.
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