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Folder with all parts and extra art: paardjee.deviantart.com/galler…
Previous part: Words
Next part: www.deviantart.com/paardjee/ar…

Somehow I felt lighter. Different. I told Strike about my past. And he didn’t leave me. He didn’t judge me. It was more than I could have hoped for. More than I deserved. I knew I left out a vital part of the story. But I just couldn’t tell him. I was going to have to tell him some day. But that day was not today. Today I just wanted to feel this lightness. to spend the day with my friend. A smile crept on my face. I was finally able to see Strike as my friend. My first and only friend. My smiled faltered at the thought of lying to him. I did something I had learned to do over the years. block the thoughts. Just tune them out. It didn’t work for long. But I took what I could get.
For the first time in a long time I was sleeping through the night. My stepfather was still there but it wasn’t as bad as it had been before. When I woke up today, Strike wasn’t lying beside me anymore. For a small moment my heart skipped a beat. An automatic thought: “he left me” , immediately popped up in my mind. My go-to belief that everyone would leave me behind. But when it came to Strike, I could rationalize pretty quickly. I knew he wouldn’t leave me without saying anything. I calmed myself down and got up. Strike was over at the creek. He was staring in the distance. A serious look fell over him that I didn’t see on him a lot. I wondered if it had to do with what I had told him or with his own secret. I knew there was something he was keeping from me as well. But I couldn’t blame him. After all, who was I to talk?
When he heard my footsteps his ears flicked back to me. He turned his head around and flashed me a smile, “Good morning”. His smiling face calmed me down even more. “Good morning”, I replied. “Today’s the day”, he grinned. We were nearing our final destination. Our plans got messed up because of my injuries. But I was almost fully healed now so we were back on track. We still had a way to go but Strike told me the sight could only be seen at night so we still had time. What exactly the sight was, he hadn’t told me yet. He liked to be mysterious that way. I didn’t mind it much because it only added to my excitement. Strike had taken me to a lot of places and until now, nothing had disappointed me yet.
It was a nice and clear day which made the last part of our journey relaxed. Talking to Strike had become easier. I was able to answer questions I hadn’t dared answering before. I was also more interested in his life, honestly interested. Not just to distract myself from my memories. I really wanted to know more about him. He told me about his childhood and the things he liked and disliked. I told him about the few places I had felt safe. How the sound of the breeze through the forest calmed me down. I even told him about the few fond memories I had of my mother. Strike didn't push me to tell me more about my stepfather and my trauma. But I found myself telling him small bits more as the days went by. Memories of being scared. Attempts to run away. The reactions of the herd. Strike was without judgement. He was understanding and kind. Even if I had a hard time understanding why he liked me, I was slowly starting to believe it. That he honestly cared for me. It wasn't a bad feeling. But it was a confusing one. When you don't like yourself it's hard to think someone else might.
We arrived at the foot of the mountain we had to climb. It was already well into the evening. The sun clinging on to the horizon for just a bit longer. Even though I was excited to see what was waiting at the end, now that we were this close, a heavy mood started to settle in. "This was Shiki's and Jack's last stop", Strike said as we started the climb. I already knew this. But hearing it again filled me with a feeling of dread. What was going to happen afterwards? Would Strike go home? And where would that leave me? When I met Strike a month ago I never would have guessed there would come a time that I didn't want him to leave. Guess if Strike taught me one thing it's that things change.
The climb was rather trying so we didn't speak much. I was thankful my leg didn't hurt anymore, otherwise this would have been impossible. The sun was completely gone now. The night sky taking over. We walked with the mountain on one side and a row of pine trees on our other side. After a while Strike stopped to turn at me. "Would you be okay with closing your eyes for this last bit?" he asked me with his gentle voice. My first instinct was to say no. Closing my eyes left me vulnerable. But it was Strike. He wouldn't harm me. With deliberation, I slowly closed my eyes. Strike guided me the last bit. "Okay and stop!", he told me and I did as he said. "Now you can open your eyes", the excitement was audible in his voice. With a grin I opened my eyes and I was taken with the most breathtaking night sky I had ever seen.
I was met with a vast expanse of darkness interrupted by millions of stars. Bright colours were painted over the sky. Purple and red contrasted against the dark blue. The lights almost seemed to dance and every once in a while a shooting star would race across the sky. I was in awe. Minutes passed in silence and wonder. Finally, I tore my eyes away from the sky and turned to look at Strike. To my surprise his eyes were already on me. An expression on his face that made my heart squeeze in my chest. My face heated up and I turned my eyes to the ground for a bit. "Do you like it?" he asked me, making me look at him again. The lights and colours reflected in his eyes and almost made him look like he was glowing. "It's amazing", I told him with a smile. I found myself walking a little closer to the edge of the ledge we were standing on. Strike followed and stood by me. We watched the sky some more. For the first time, it seemed like Strike was the one who didn't know what to say.
"So", I broke the silence and turned my head towards Strike, "what happens now?". Strike swallowed hard and took a breath. "Now it's time for me to go home", he replied bleakley. "I see", I murmered quietly. "But first it's time for me to tell you something as well", he continued. His voice seemed so small. "I haven't been entirely honest with you. Even when you told me what happened to you. It's not that I don't trust you. It's just that I keep on thinking that if I never talk about it, I can avoid it, avoid all the feelings I've been repressing". Strike was clearly straining to get the words out. I had no idea what he was about to say, but already I knew it wasn't going to be pretty. "I told you I went on this trip to have some fun. But that's not true. I was running away. I'm still running". His breathing was getting a little shaky and he didn't speak again. He switched between resting on different legs, his tail flicking from left to right. "From what?" I nudged. Another pause.
"My dad died", he said. His eyes were stuck to the ground. His voice flat and hard. Even if I was unfamiliar with the term myself, I could feel the weight of his words from his voice and his posture. "He was terminally ill for months. When his death came closer I didn’t know what to do. I couldn't deal with it. I didn’t want to deal with it. He was my dad and my best friend. He was there for everything. How was I supposed to say goodbye to him?” his voice cracked and tears started to flow from his eyes. “I refused to believe he was going to die. I refused to say goodbye. So when he finally did die, I broke. I had had months to prepare myself but I hadn’t. I couldn’t handle it. I still didn’t want to believe it. So I ran away”, he was crying now. I'd never felt like this before but in that moment, all I wanted to do was to take his pain away. To make him feel better. But I couldn't do that. I didn't know what to say. “I’m so ashamed, Shimi. I left my mom to mourn on her own because I couldn’t deal with my own feelings. I’m a coward”, his head hung low.
“You’re not a coward, Strike”, I told him and stepped a little closer, forcing him to look up at me. “You lost your dad. You were sad and scared and didn’t know what to do. Maybe you made a mistake by leaving but that doesn’t make you a coward. It makes you a person”, my voice wasn’t as steady as I wanted it to be but I wanted Strike to hear these words. I wanted to comfort him. “I don’t know”, he said with mournful eyes. “I don’t know what it’s like to lose someone that close, but I think everybody would react to it differently”, I continued. I didn’t know if my words held any value to him but I tried anyway. He still looked so sad. “I’m sorry about your dad”, I added, remembering what Strike had said to me before. Slowly I came to stand beside him, closer than I had ever dared before. Strike looked at me with questioning eyes before he softly rested his head against my neck. The contact didn’t make me shiver but certainly sent a lot of panic signals throughout my body. But I knew he needed this. I wanted to be able to be there for him. I let him take his time to cry. "Are you afraid to go home?" I asked after he calmed down. He nodded. “Would you come with me?” he asked with such insecurity it was unlike him. “Of course”, I replied without hesitation.
“Thank you.”

To be continued...

Next part of Shimi's story! Almost a year later 0.o This story always confronts me with how fast time goes. In my mind the last part wasn't even that long ago. But here it is!
So we finally learn what Strike has been hiding. Lots of shame and sorrow for this guy :c And Shimi gets to experience the feeling of wanting to comfort others, he's growing a lot.
I'm super happy with how this part turned out, story wise and art wise! I had so much fun on this drawing, I drew Shimi and Strike without reference and they turned out better than I expected c:
Night skies are always fun to do and this one was no different <3

I hope you guys will like it! I would love to hear what you think about it

Shimi, Strike, story & Art: Me Paardjee
No references used.

Description
Folder with all parts and extra art: paardjee.deviantart.com/galler…
Previous part: Words
Next part: www.deviantart.com/paardjee/ar…

Somehow I felt lighter. Different. I told Strike about my past. And he didn’t leave me. He didn’t judge me. It was more than I could have hoped for. More than I deserved. I knew I left out a vital part of the story. But I just couldn’t tell him. I was going to have to tell him some day. But that day was not today. Today I just wanted to feel this lightness. to spend the day with my friend. A smile crept on my face. I was finally able to see Strike as my friend. My first and only friend. My smiled faltered at the thought of lying to him. I did something I had learned to do over the years. block the thoughts. Just tune them out. It didn’t work for long. But I took what I could get.
For the first time in a long time I was sleeping through the night. My stepfather was still there but it wasn’t as bad as it had been before. When I woke up today, Strike wasn’t lying beside me anymore. For a small moment my heart skipped a beat. An automatic thought: “he left me” , immediately popped up in my mind. My go-to belief that everyone would leave me behind. But when it came to Strike, I could rationalize pretty quickly. I knew he wouldn’t leave me without saying anything. I calmed myself down and got up. Strike was over at the creek. He was staring in the distance. A serious look fell over him that I didn’t see on him a lot. I wondered if it had to do with what I had told him or with his own secret. I knew there was something he was keeping from me as well. But I couldn’t blame him. After all, who was I to talk?
When he heard my footsteps his ears flicked back to me. He turned his head around and flashed me a smile, “Good morning”. His smiling face calmed me down even more. “Good morning”, I replied. “Today’s the day”, he grinned. We were nearing our final destination. Our plans got messed up because of my injuries. But I was almost fully healed now so we were back on track. We still had a way to go but Strike told me the sight could only be seen at night so we still had time. What exactly the sight was, he hadn’t told me yet. He liked to be mysterious that way. I didn’t mind it much because it only added to my excitement. Strike had taken me to a lot of places and until now, nothing had disappointed me yet.
It was a nice and clear day which made the last part of our journey relaxed. Talking to Strike had become easier. I was able to answer questions I hadn’t dared answering before. I was also more interested in his life, honestly interested. Not just to distract myself from my memories. I really wanted to know more about him. He told me about his childhood and the things he liked and disliked. I told him about the few places I had felt safe. How the sound of the breeze through the forest calmed me down. I even told him about the few fond memories I had of my mother. Strike didn't push me to tell me more about my stepfather and my trauma. But I found myself telling him small bits more as the days went by. Memories of being scared. Attempts to run away. The reactions of the herd. Strike was without judgement. He was understanding and kind. Even if I had a hard time understanding why he liked me, I was slowly starting to believe it. That he honestly cared for me. It wasn't a bad feeling. But it was a confusing one. When you don't like yourself it's hard to think someone else might.
We arrived at the foot of the mountain we had to climb. It was already well into the evening. The sun clinging on to the horizon for just a bit longer. Even though I was excited to see what was waiting at the end, now that we were this close, a heavy mood started to settle in. "This was Shiki's and Jack's last stop", Strike said as we started the climb. I already knew this. But hearing it again filled me with a feeling of dread. What was going to happen afterwards? Would Strike go home? And where would that leave me? When I met Strike a month ago I never would have guessed there would come a time that I didn't want him to leave. Guess if Strike taught me one thing it's that things change.
The climb was rather trying so we didn't speak much. I was thankful my leg didn't hurt anymore, otherwise this would have been impossible. The sun was completely gone now. The night sky taking over. We walked with the mountain on one side and a row of pine trees on our other side. After a while Strike stopped to turn at me. "Would you be okay with closing your eyes for this last bit?" he asked me with his gentle voice. My first instinct was to say no. Closing my eyes left me vulnerable. But it was Strike. He wouldn't harm me. With deliberation, I slowly closed my eyes. Strike guided me the last bit. "Okay and stop!", he told me and I did as he said. "Now you can open your eyes", the excitement was audible in his voice. With a grin I opened my eyes and I was taken with the most breathtaking night sky I had ever seen.
I was met with a vast expanse of darkness interrupted by millions of stars. Bright colours were painted over the sky. Purple and red contrasted against the dark blue. The lights almost seemed to dance and every once in a while a shooting star would race across the sky. I was in awe. Minutes passed in silence and wonder. Finally, I tore my eyes away from the sky and turned to look at Strike. To my surprise his eyes were already on me. An expression on his face that made my heart squeeze in my chest. My face heated up and I turned my eyes to the ground for a bit. "Do you like it?" he asked me, making me look at him again. The lights and colours reflected in his eyes and almost made him look like he was glowing. "It's amazing", I told him with a smile. I found myself walking a little closer to the edge of the ledge we were standing on. Strike followed and stood by me. We watched the sky some more. For the first time, it seemed like Strike was the one who didn't know what to say.
"So", I broke the silence and turned my head towards Strike, "what happens now?". Strike swallowed hard and took a breath. "Now it's time for me to go home", he replied bleakley. "I see", I murmered quietly. "But first it's time for me to tell you something as well", he continued. His voice seemed so small. "I haven't been entirely honest with you. Even when you told me what happened to you. It's not that I don't trust you. It's just that I keep on thinking that if I never talk about it, I can avoid it, avoid all the feelings I've been repressing". Strike was clearly straining to get the words out. I had no idea what he was about to say, but already I knew it wasn't going to be pretty. "I told you I went on this trip to have some fun. But that's not true. I was running away. I'm still running". His breathing was getting a little shaky and he didn't speak again. He switched between resting on different legs, his tail flicking from left to right. "From what?" I nudged. Another pause.
"My dad died", he said. His eyes were stuck to the ground. His voice flat and hard. Even if I was unfamiliar with the term myself, I could feel the weight of his words from his voice and his posture. "He was terminally ill for months. When his death came closer I didn’t know what to do. I couldn't deal with it. I didn’t want to deal with it. He was my dad and my best friend. He was there for everything. How was I supposed to say goodbye to him?” his voice cracked and tears started to flow from his eyes. “I refused to believe he was going to die. I refused to say goodbye. So when he finally did die, I broke. I had had months to prepare myself but I hadn’t. I couldn’t handle it. I still didn’t want to believe it. So I ran away”, he was crying now. I'd never felt like this before but in that moment, all I wanted to do was to take his pain away. To make him feel better. But I couldn't do that. I didn't know what to say. “I’m so ashamed, Shimi. I left my mom to mourn on her own because I couldn’t deal with my own feelings. I’m a coward”, his head hung low.
“You’re not a coward, Strike”, I told him and stepped a little closer, forcing him to look up at me. “You lost your dad. You were sad and scared and didn’t know what to do. Maybe you made a mistake by leaving but that doesn’t make you a coward. It makes you a person”, my voice wasn’t as steady as I wanted it to be but I wanted Strike to hear these words. I wanted to comfort him. “I don’t know”, he said with mournful eyes. “I don’t know what it’s like to lose someone that close, but I think everybody would react to it differently”, I continued. I didn’t know if my words held any value to him but I tried anyway. He still looked so sad. “I’m sorry about your dad”, I added, remembering what Strike had said to me before. Slowly I came to stand beside him, closer than I had ever dared before. Strike looked at me with questioning eyes before he softly rested his head against my neck. The contact didn’t make me shiver but certainly sent a lot of panic signals throughout my body. But I knew he needed this. I wanted to be able to be there for him. I let him take his time to cry. "Are you afraid to go home?" I asked after he calmed down. He nodded. “Would you come with me?” he asked with such insecurity it was unlike him. “Of course”, I replied without hesitation.
“Thank you.”

To be continued...

Next part of Shimi's story! Almost a year later 0.o This story always confronts me with how fast time goes. In my mind the last part wasn't even that long ago. But here it is!
So we finally learn what Strike has been hiding. Lots of shame and sorrow for this guy :c And Shimi gets to experience the feeling of wanting to comfort others, he's growing a lot.
I'm super happy with how this part turned out, story wise and art wise! I had so much fun on this drawing, I drew Shimi and Strike without reference and they turned out better than I expected c:
Night skies are always fun to do and this one was no different <3

I hope you guys will like it! I would love to hear what you think about it

Shimi, Strike, story & Art: Me Paardjee
No references used.