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#butterfly #dark #circularreasoning #paralyticprocess
Published: 2015-04-12 02:14:51 +0000 UTC; Views: 306; Favourites: 6; Downloads: 0
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Description
Do you, butterfly, crushed beneath impossible wheelshave patience for these crushed little fingers
as they claw you a casket of blood, dirt, and tears
death does not wait
for even the exceptional and beautiful.
Dear One
are the mice in your veins as restless as
the mice in my stomach
gnawing at the heart of fate
and begging for life
But you answer the call of change
like the blind embrace the ditches they stumble upon
like an ugly face accepts loveliness
like a pillow molding from overexposure to wails of agony.
You open your mouth and consume the sun
your soul becoming the breath for birds
and angels.
-D.E.M
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Comments: 12
CaptainElsa [2015-04-13 18:52:21 +0000 UTC]
I liked the poem!
I think the "death does not wait…" and "you open your mouth…" stanzas could make their own poem, since I think they were the strongest out of all of the lines. The imagery was super bold, and I spotted metaphors but (the mice?) I'm not exactly sure what they are representing. I think each stanza could almost be its own poem, since it seems like they're talking about different things. Maybe you could spread out the similes in the second to last one (put 2 of them in different stanzas)?
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ParalyticProcess In reply to CaptainElsa [2015-04-13 19:06:23 +0000 UTC]
Thank you for your comment!
The way I write, each stanza is like a complete thought, which means that a lot of the individual stanzas could stand alone, but I choose not to do that. You are right that I switch in imagery, but the title kind of lends itself as to why. It is a difficult poem to understand, which was my intention, but I will work on fluid imagery in the future. Thank you again!
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RoseScarlet [2015-04-13 00:55:03 +0000 UTC]
wow, that imagery's amazing. you had me at the first line. beautiful.
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ParalyticProcess In reply to RoseScarlet [2015-04-13 13:26:12 +0000 UTC]
Thank you for your kind words!
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maxnort [2015-04-12 03:28:37 +0000 UTC]
the butterfly with the broken wing might still make the journey, but it could be significantly more work and still not as long.
am I following?
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ParalyticProcess In reply to maxnort [2015-04-12 22:49:21 +0000 UTC]
It's not what I had in mind when I wrote this, but that's a good way to look at it!
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maxnort In reply to ParalyticProcess [2015-04-13 11:57:25 +0000 UTC]
I'm trying to get to what you had in mind, though. I'm having a problem, and am asking for help?
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ParalyticProcess In reply to maxnort [2015-04-13 13:00:58 +0000 UTC]
I know, but it's just something I'd rather keep to myself this time.
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maxnort In reply to ParalyticProcess [2015-04-13 15:28:11 +0000 UTC]
I can respect that. we all have things to deal with.
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oviedomedina [2015-04-12 03:21:08 +0000 UTC]
Really,really outdid yourself with this one!
Love it!
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