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Paw07 — Twilight isn't a Parody?
Published: 2009-02-13 22:33:16 +0000 UTC; Views: 27696; Favourites: 395; Downloads: 92
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Description
Let me see … I think that the comic speaks for me with sufficient sarcasm, but for the few that wonder how I could possibly hate something they consider “the greatest book evar!” I shall indulge you with an explanation.Now, I must admit that I am an English major and currently taking Secondary Education in order to earn my teaching degree. Now, from the very back of the book I could tell that the plot was weak and cliché, but I put it down and thought nothing more of the novel a few months back; there are many a shelves covered in bad books.
Yet, before I could even turn my head to see what was sneaking up on me, I was suddenly attacked by this ‘thing’ – for lack of a better word – called Twilight.
Now, don’t point at me and say, ‘But you didn’t read it’. Yes, yes, I did. I was actually so disgusted by the thesaurus rape, multitude of easily corrected grammar errors, Mary-Sue gag fest, and poor character development that I couldn’t get through little more than half the book. Yet, I do promise you I have researched the story line thoroughly and the – if barely there be one – plot.
Anyway, to the point, I do not like Twilight because I fear for my future students. You may say, “But at least they are reading something.” Well, yes, they are but that is all. There has been more than one occasion where I have tried to convince younger readers to read something else; they simple reply, “Nah, I’ll just reread Twilight.” You see my worry, no? These young readers think that this type of writing is acceptable. They will think that Mary-Sues are good; that thesaurus rape is okay; that lack of plot is the norm; and that bad writing is good literature. Good literature is a story that reveals something to a reader, not rants on for 280-some pages about her love for Edward. MEYER REVEALED NOTHING, except her inaccurate daydreams of relationships and classic lore.
Furthermore, I wanted to make this comic into a stamp, but I don’t know how to make flash stamps so this will have to do for now. Enjoy and for those of you interested, here are few of my anti-twilight heroes:
Excellent parody and thesaurus rape record: [link]
A site with all the top news anti-twilight: [link]
A hilarious bum reviews new moon: [link]
My anti-twilight collection on DA: [link]
Another hero in my books ... Twilight Ninja! [link]
For your viewing pleasure and movie mocking: [link] and [link]
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Comments: 432
I swear, I demand to realize WHY this became so popular. Im a 13 year old guy, and I liked vampires BEFORE Twilight! I remember last year I was talking about vampires with a friend of mine, then this girl comes up to me and she says "OH MY GAW YOU LIKE TWILIGHT!?!?!?" I respond the only way I can: "What the hell is Twilight?" Then of course there's a long-winded response. I thought "Ok.....Im being told to read a 'Boy meets girl and falls in love' story that got suggested to me....By a relatively obsessed fan-girl." I went back to her and said that it seemed a bit boring and easily predictable. I asked when the vampire would either kill the girl or suck her blood dry, since I thought the vampire would trick the girl where she responded with the thing about "OMG EDWARDS HAWT" and "HE SPARKLES HEEHEEHEE!!" I was a bit shocked at that....
A year has passed and I am APPALLED by how popular it has become. What has happened to the dark, evil vampire which struck fear into humans and the sun KILLED them, not turned them into a disco? In fact, what happened when teens were interested in REAL literature? I may have not read it, but I do believe that I've heard enough to get a general idea on it. Now then, considering your an English major, here's my "summary" Of Twilight:
"In Twilight, A girl named Bella meets a boy named Edward. This Edward is apparently a vampire. Bella and Edward fall in lov- no, pardon, lust. And Bella describes Edward for the majority of the book and how she wants to be a vampire as well.....Um, can A twitard volunteer to finish this?" I hope thats accurate!
Im not sure if there's an actual plot to this, but Id like to know it.... And pardon my rant. I feel like I may get a good response from this.
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You got it pretty much down, oh they have a demon baby too. The Pedowolf- I mean werewolf*coughshapeshifter/skin-wlakercough* imprints upon said baby and lot-o-smex Cuz Bella like it when Edward Rips the pillows instead of her "tender and frail" flesh. But thats all in Breaking Fai- I mean Dawn. Theres nothing to find as a suitable plot.. It goes on extended vacations for who knows how long or it suicided, oh wait tere was talk of suiside in the second book! All because Edward dumped Bella for the fact he "didn't want to eat her" (stupid retarded glittery emo lion, low self-esteem shallow lambs are yummie) SO Bella wanted to throw herself off a cliff in Spain(?) yeah they did a Euro trip. I telling what I've been told I couldn't get past chapter 8 of twilight the sparkling killed my vision of vampires. I was glad Hellsing cured that.
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Thats.......Either quite disturbing and pathetic, one of the two, its also sadistic in a way, Its like a label telling young, naive teenage girls "Dont be smart, Be Bella! Its ok to commit suicide if you miss your boyfriend!" Im just glad that, while in my school there is a large population of obsessed fangirls of Twilight, there are no OVERLY obsessed fangirls. One of the biggest things that bothers me is that "twilight" Is not capitalized, that bothers me very much
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(If it was on my part) I didn't care that much and show that much disrespect to it. XD OR the fans have lost A LOT of brain cells from reading that crap over and over again. Its a proven fact your brain cells die reading that book... err thing, you can feel it as you read.
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That may explain why I know someone whom has officially lost what little sanity they had when reading that book. Actually, 2 out 3 people I know whom read that book have become a large fan of it. The 3rd person agreed that it sucked, so by that analysis it must be around every 2 out of 3 teenage girls are great fans of it, although I may most likely be wrong. That thing is a disease
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Oh its more then a disease, its like a parasite, its eats at what little intelligents they have and turns them into mindless zombies. The ones with enough intelligents happen to escape the effects the parasite gives. I say it takes a person with common sence to know what crap looks like.
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Then That parasite has somehow rotted those people of what little brain cells they had left, limiting their vocabulary to "HAwt" and "Sm3xii!", tis so sad what it can do, I myself have been close victim to said parasite, but I repelled it, as my level of common sense was too much for it to handle, therefore it is up to those whom have not been infected to liberate those who have
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Oh its beyound help. Though I must confess it had distroyed some of my vocabualry, but I'm recovering with absolutly wonder books, ones with plots and actual gore.
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Then all hope is lost. All I require to regain my full common sense is plot and gore, mind if i ask a suggestion?
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Hmm its an old novle but its just recently being translated from japanese: Vampire Hunter D. I will admit there is a gloirfacation of the main character's looks, but its made up with the detailed fight scenes, and atleast there's a plot and humor as well as the subcharacters have life and purpose(some times you get dead ones...).
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Oh yes, that seems very enjoyable, not only with it having subcharacters having life and it being from Japan, but the fact that it has detailed fight scenes and vampires is an added bonus to my pleasure of the book.
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There are 14 books translated so far. I need to get 10-14 myself, they also have a manga form of it, though there are only 4 out so far along with 2 movies one from the 80's and 90's.
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Mmm quite interesting, where are they available? The books.
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At your local book store like borders/waldens, books a million, barns&noble... online if you'd go for buying them cheap.
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Well, I do have a small amount of cash to burn, so I guess ill go to my nearest book store
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XD what traveled to your local book store?
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Hmm, not sure, havent been there in quite awhile actually.....
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Ha ha.. this made my day, thank you!
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nooo don't gnaw off your hands, then your mouth will be contaminated! I suggest getting someone to cut them off real quick. D: great comic though.
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Oh noes! You are correct.
Here, grab this buzz saw ... I hope those shoes weren't expensive.
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Amen to that! I agree with everything you're saying. I hope that there are no more plotless stories that become this '
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*applauds*
LOve ths and I love ho you actually explained as to why you hate Twilight.
I agree with you 100% except I am not in anyway a English major or studying to become one.eThough I have read multitudes of vampire books, and Twilight is by far the cruddiest ones.
It sends such a negative message to girls. That having some "handsome" creep stalk you,be abusive,talk you down and that you as a woman must be obedient and pretty much life your life around your man.
Simply disgusting.
What gets me even more is that I dont see it as a novel,I see it as a 15 year old fanfiction about vampires. That is all. I read the first book and holy crap I wanted to die. It was so boring and cliche,characters had no personality. Nothing exciting I wasnt thrown into the Twilight world.
Very disappointing to see that crud "writers" like her are made out to be better then every other vampire novelist. When she is just some sexually frustrated woman who cant detach herself from her fantasy and decided to write her weak ideas.
Yeah she has more money then me and you,so what that doesnt excuse her from having the writing skills of a sex crazed teenager. Grow up Meyers seriously if you cant see how much of a bad spotlight ypu put you Edward/Bella couple to be then you need a thorough smacking. Such an unhealthy relationship...
And I really do despise the fans that go crazy if you dont like the "OMG best bookszors EV4r!" you can only have one opinion and its is to like/love Twilight not hate and dislike because that makes you a narrow minded monster.
Read a real book you twit, read Anne Rice or Stephen King...
I was half expecting her to rape te whole lore on werewolves too. Like they transform in the sun and when they do they can magically fly and bring 3 wishes to whoever craves their name in a mango.
Never again will I ever read a fanfictio/novel on vampires that ...well dont do any vampire liek thing.
AHAGDHJKSAD
Sorry I got on a rant there.
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Yeah, Twilight sucks, and pretty much every girl at my school is obssessed with it. I actually got attacked when I said I didnt like it to the Librarian at the school (A Twitard was behind me. I was checking out an Anne Rice book)
I dont believe in bad-mouthing a series, and saying I dont like it if I havent read it though, so I did sit down and read all four books... and seriously, I think my IQ dropped becouse of it.
-shivers- I still get chills thinking about how horrible Twilight was, and ho wmuch of an INSULT it was to the Vampire genre
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Oh poor dear. I hope you have gotten a hold of some good books to replace those brain cells. In fact, they should really put a Surgeons General Warning on those books … they do kill so many brain cells. XD
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that is true.
Yeah, I sat down and read some actually good literature afterwords (such as Stephen King and Anne Rice. I re-read Flowers in the Attic by V.C.Andrews a well)
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Oooh, I love Flowers in the Attic. Have you seen the movie version as well ... I think the book left the mother off easy but the movie offered sweet revenge.
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The book continues on into a series (which I really need to finish)
I havent watched the movie yet (I might, eventauly)
In the book series, she eventually loses her fortune, and I think she ends up dying, at the very end
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I think the funniest part of the book is something that ~IIISkinVocals poitned out to me: Bella the GPS. I don't know what the folks in Forks are like, but when I'm walking I don't talk about going south or south east or north north-west: I say I went left, or right, or took an upqard path.
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Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Finally somebody who thinks that Twilight is shit! 
*faves*
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:laughs: You poor dear. I'm sad that you even put yourself through the torment of Twilight up to chapter twelve. But don't worry, you now have a support group to get you through that horrible trauma ... just pick one of the comments below.
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lmao I admit, I'm a Twilight fan but I ain't THAT crazy over it like most people. I must admit, though...If I had to choose a vampire series to read over again, it'd be Anne Rice's vamp books ^_^
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Yeah, Anne Rice was wonderful until she went all holy-christian hellfire and stopped writing them.
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I go to all the releases and stuff cause I just LOVE scaring the crap out of the little teenie-boppers *evil grin* They act all tough cause they like vampires but they see someone wearing a long black trench coat wit tripp clothes and custom made fangs wit the makeup and stuff, lookin like vampire from Queen of the Damned and stuff...they friggin freak out! xD It's halarious!
The teenie-boppers must know of the true vampire stories/characters ^^
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I agree ... they have no idea what a real vampire is; the twilight vamps should actually be called pixies. Really, do they do anything truthfully vampire like?
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xD Every now and then in the movie, the bad vampires do lol
I have to admit, though. The vampire doctor guy, Carlisle is pretty hot.
I always have a thing for medics and doctors......is something wrong with me? *cuddles Ratchet figure* =3
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Nope ... I'm a pushover for medics too. XD
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I read that book when if I was in public reading it people would be like "Twilight? What's that? O.o" And now you can't say Edward without being attacked. =_= When I read the back was like "Ooo...cheesy romance fantasy XD" and thought it would be good. Well...it was a good story I thought but that was about it. I figured it would never get much farther than 'good story'. It wasn't well written or very original but it was okay. 
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I agree. I've read a lot of bad books and found some of them enjoyable, but at least they didn't get so stupidly popular. Eh, the youth of the nation. I shall morn them with you. Need a tissue?
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I may need a tissue but I'll save those for the New Moon premier XD
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XD Gah it strikes terror in the hearts of many (like mine).
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Hmmm I'd say those are some interesting perspectives and opinions.
However I am at least going to take a look at the books, at least the first one. My cousin has offered to loan them to me
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