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Paw07 — Twilight isn't a Parody?

Published: 2009-02-13 22:33:16 +0000 UTC; Views: 27696; Favourites: 395; Downloads: 92
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Description Let me see … I think that the comic speaks for me with sufficient sarcasm, but for the few that wonder how I could possibly hate something they consider “the greatest book evar!” I shall indulge you with an explanation.

Now, I must admit that I am an English major and currently taking Secondary Education in order to earn my teaching degree. Now, from the very back of the book I could tell that the plot was weak and cliché, but I put it down and thought nothing more of the novel a few months back; there are many a shelves covered in bad books.

Yet, before I could even turn my head to see what was sneaking up on me, I was suddenly attacked by this ‘thing’ – for lack of a better word – called Twilight.

Now, don’t point at me and say, ‘But you didn’t read it’. Yes, yes, I did. I was actually so disgusted by the thesaurus rape, multitude of easily corrected grammar errors, Mary-Sue gag fest, and poor character development that I couldn’t get through little more than half the book. Yet, I do promise you I have researched the story line thoroughly and the – if barely there be one – plot.

Anyway, to the point, I do not like Twilight because I fear for my future students. You may say, “But at least they are reading something.” Well, yes, they are but that is all. There has been more than one occasion where I have tried to convince younger readers to read something else; they simple reply, “Nah, I’ll just reread Twilight.” You see my worry, no? These young readers think that this type of writing is acceptable. They will think that Mary-Sues are good; that thesaurus rape is okay; that lack of plot is the norm; and that bad writing is good literature. Good literature is a story that reveals something to a reader, not rants on for 280-some pages about her love for Edward. MEYER REVEALED NOTHING, except her inaccurate daydreams of relationships and classic lore.

Furthermore, I wanted to make this comic into a stamp, but I don’t know how to make flash stamps so this will have to do for now. Enjoy and for those of you interested, here are few of my anti-twilight heroes:


Excellent parody and thesaurus rape record: [link]

A site with all the top news anti-twilight: [link]

A hilarious bum reviews new moon: [link]

My anti-twilight collection on DA: [link]

Another hero in my books ... Twilight Ninja! [link]

For your viewing pleasure and movie mocking: [link] and [link]
Related content
Comments: 432

Paw07 In reply to ??? [2009-11-05 00:35:55 +0000 UTC]

You've been warned, it will warp your outlook on good literature... and for your own safety, if you become one of those obsessive fans, best stay far away from me when it comes to the subject of Twilight.

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MarishalWilder In reply to Paw07 [2009-11-05 00:59:41 +0000 UTC]

LOL I'll keep that in mind XD

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nightinthetwilight In reply to ??? [2009-10-24 09:15:39 +0000 UTC]

I always loved reading. Which is why I didn't want to hurt my love by reading Twilight.

Some good old-fashioned books: Harry Potter! Animorphs! Unicorns of Balinor!

I'd reread my entire collection of Animorphs 50 million times over before I read Twilight. I have more respect for literature than that.

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Paw07 In reply to nightinthetwilight [2009-11-03 16:09:06 +0000 UTC]

I can't say I ever got into Animorphs, but I know that they were well written and popular as hell when I was younger. I'm glad that you return to a classic than ruining your love for reading. Also, if you need any more ideas for good books, just scroll through the comments. Lots of people love naming better book series than Twilight.

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admiral-squee In reply to ??? [2009-10-04 17:50:13 +0000 UTC]

Lully lulz lulzer McLulz-lulz.

When my friends first described it to me, I honestly thought it was a parody. I laughed and said, "sounds hilarious. I love irreverent parodies like that." And then I got the |B[ face.

"Oh. Well... I guess I'll go finish reading Moby Dick..."

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Paw07 In reply to admiral-squee [2009-10-05 16:21:04 +0000 UTC]

Ah yes, a classic. Should get rid of that nasty Twilight taste in your mouth.

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admiral-squee In reply to Paw07 [2009-10-06 00:54:19 +0000 UTC]

It did. Sadly, I never got around to finishing it... Oh well. We all know everybody dies except Ishmael, anyway. (ZOMFG SPOILER)

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moonymonster In reply to ??? [2009-09-30 04:58:09 +0000 UTC]

I agree. It scares me that the kids I work with have read all the Twilight books but don't know who C.S. Lewis is. ("He's the guy who wrote the Narnia books!" "You mean the Disney movie?" "Book!")

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Paw07 In reply to moonymonster [2009-10-05 16:18:49 +0000 UTC]

Ouch. I know what you mean.

Well, next time someone brings up Twilight you can say, "You mean that terrible movie?"

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moonymonster In reply to Paw07 [2009-10-07 20:07:13 +0000 UTC]

XD "Vampires don't normally twinkle in the sunlight, kids. THEY TURN TO ASHES!"

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LadyRevan1207 In reply to ??? [2009-09-23 05:35:20 +0000 UTC]

See I'm still waiting for Stephanie Meyer to come out and say "It's okay, it was all just a social experiment to see if people are really moronic enough to read it!"...but in the meantime, it makes for excellent English debate

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Paw07 In reply to LadyRevan1207 [2009-09-23 06:31:16 +0000 UTC]

For that I agree. If she came out and said that, I'd totally bow to her and say, "You so got me! Now teach me your ways."

I don't foresee that happening, but it doesn't help to dream. Thanks for the fav. as well.

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LadyRevan1207 In reply to Paw07 [2009-09-24 03:47:04 +0000 UTC]

Ah yes, while the Twilight fangirls are dreaming of fake vamps, we can dream about a Stephanie Meyer with a brain Haha, she would become my idol if she did that...


You're welcome, love the comic!

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Neopolis In reply to ??? [2009-09-19 09:14:06 +0000 UTC]

Heh, nice... What if it really is a parody, but a stealthy one... or maybe that's just my faith in humanity talking. :<

(I thought the glasses were a moustache at first glance. o.O)

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Paw07 In reply to Neopolis [2009-09-21 02:19:14 +0000 UTC]

Yes ... I might agree ... if I had any faith left in humanity.

Yes, my manly mustache! Thanks for viewing, glad you liked it.

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pentharis In reply to ??? [2009-09-09 22:52:27 +0000 UTC]

Thank you. ._. I hate twilight so much... and my MOTHER loves it. D= she keeps telling me I have to read it. one of her friends actually read it OUT LOUD to me because I refused to read it myself. I agreed to listen quietly to the first chapter to get them to shut up. It was mediocre at best, and took probably an hour's worth of writing to get through what would have taken the book's time five minutes. WE DON'T NEED TO KNOW WHAT SHADE OF YELLOWED THE CURTAINS ARE, MYER!

T_T I feel alone in the immediate world around me. <_<

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Paw07 In reply to pentharis [2009-09-12 07:41:53 +0000 UTC]

I feel your pain, and I can't help but feel empathy for you at the news that your mother would put you through such a punishment. In fact, I might call that psychological abuse. Don't worry, child. A few years of therapy might be sufficient in removing some of the mental scars. XD

But don't distress, doll; they created earplugs for a reason.

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pentharis In reply to Paw07 [2009-09-12 20:15:31 +0000 UTC]

hooray! someone understands mai pain! xD <^-^>

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Keioko-chan In reply to ??? [2009-08-31 03:01:43 +0000 UTC]

Dude, if Twilight was intended as a parody, it would have been freaking literature.

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Paw07 In reply to Keioko-chan [2009-08-31 18:52:07 +0000 UTC]

You're right. I might be able to call it a 'book' if that were true. XD

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SilverCanis2442 In reply to ??? [2009-08-18 18:32:17 +0000 UTC]

I got up to the middle of Breaking Dawn and had to stop. It was simply horrible.

I'm so glad you wrote this. My friend asked me to read the first book, and so I bought Twilight and New Moon, having trust in my friend's choice of literature. The first thing I thought was 'This isn't all that great.' Then, I borrowed Eclipse and Breaking Dawn from a friend. Sure, I'll admit it, I'm a loser for romance (I am a teenager!), but I was waiting for a plot. Like, a real one. Some sort of actual bad guy or some reason that there was ever a story. It just jumped around a lot, nothing substantial.

I was especially disappointed when the vampires were so... so... stupid. I mean... they sparkle? Like a pretty rock? And they're vegetarians? What's the point of being a vampire if you don't kill or at least hurt things? That's not a vampire.

The werewolves were alright, but only because I loved Jacob's sense of humor. But none of the characters were in depth at all. No real personalities. No real images. Stephanie Meyer didn't describe anyone at all except with 'tall' and 'handsome'. I, personally, like to know the character, almost as if her were my friend. What's their favorite food? What are their personalities like? How do they think? If they were in a situation, how would they handle it? Things like that. It just makes it easier to imagine them. I can't even properly visualize either Jacob or Edward because she didn't mention them as anything other than 'hot'.

It gets me disgusted because now many people are writing about vampires to make a quick dollar. They're are all over my favorite Barnes and Noble store, and nobody's trying to write about something different. It's annoying.

Please, help me change the world and write a decent book! I can't take it anymore! There are Stephanie Meyers everywhere! Everywher-- *gets swallowed alive by hundreds of bad books and authors*

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Paw07 In reply to SilverCanis2442 [2009-08-26 02:58:30 +0000 UTC]

You kept reading after the first one? Oh my poor dear. At least doing drugs is the fun way to lose braincells. Here, let me give you a hug for the trauma.

Yes, I will agree with you. The vampires were just like pretty rocks: glittery, perfect, stiff, and lacking any character. XD I didn't get very far in the first book, but from what I understand the werewolves were the only decent aspect of the books.

Also, yes, Meyer doesn't know how to use descriptive words correctly. I'm still trying to figure out how she sold so many bloody books by using the same, repetitive, words over and over again.

Yah, it is true ... vampires are really a hot item lately. Its the death of creativity I tell you. People don't want originality, they want mauled stereotypes. That is why I vow to help you change the world by writing a real book(s)!

Be brave soldier. Fight the good fight!

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SilverCanis2442 In reply to Paw07 [2009-08-31 18:13:12 +0000 UTC]

Aww, thank you. And yes, I probably should've went with the drugs.

Yes~. Although he could have been better, Jacob is probably the best character in all of the books.

*sigh* What a shame; a grown woman with no decent writing skills. It's a miracle she ever got out of the fifth grade.

Thanks for the assistance! Together, with our combined efforts, decent books will reign once again!

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Paw07 In reply to SilverCanis2442 [2009-08-31 18:55:29 +0000 UTC]

Yes we shall.

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EverybodyKickSasuke In reply to ??? [2009-08-11 20:14:11 +0000 UTC]



I must say, pretty much absolutely everything you wrote is true. Though I love that book to peices, I know what awful filth it is. And I laugh at it often. Good job.

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6feetOver In reply to EverybodyKickSasuke [2009-09-13 02:22:40 +0000 UTC]

i do it too lol

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Paw07 In reply to EverybodyKickSasuke [2009-08-12 03:25:19 +0000 UTC]

Glad you found some humor in it; I was hoping that even fans would get a good giggle out of the comic. It seems I've succeeded.

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EverybodyKickSasuke In reply to Paw07 [2009-08-12 23:35:39 +0000 UTC]

That you did.

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master-arbiter2 In reply to ??? [2009-08-05 12:08:38 +0000 UTC]

*yelling* VAMPIRES DON'T BLOODY SPARKLE. THEY IMMOLATE!

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Paw07 In reply to master-arbiter2 [2009-08-11 03:42:21 +0000 UTC]

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master-arbiter2 In reply to Paw07 [2009-08-11 08:02:10 +0000 UTC]

This man [link]
is the only one allowed to sparkle and he ain't dead.

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yuki4autumn In reply to ??? [2009-08-04 23:43:21 +0000 UTC]

i loove you for making this and i agree with you one hundred percent. . . bram stokers dracula is sooo much better XD

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Paw07 In reply to yuki4autumn [2009-08-10 02:50:02 +0000 UTC]

Yes, a classic! Now that's a vampire novel.

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yuki4autumn In reply to Paw07 [2009-08-10 03:09:06 +0000 UTC]

that it is XD

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HakunaMatata-MMs In reply to ??? [2009-07-24 12:01:00 +0000 UTC]

Love the comic.
|
|
v



Really Sparkling Vampires?!
Damsel in distress dependent of a Man?!
- I mean is it for real?!

My teacher unfortunately disagrees with you. She recommend the book! I almost had a heart atack when she said that! It's like the worst book I ever read.

Yes, it's somehow a easy read, but it's so wrong. It has no morals. Actually it's full of BAD morals :
Abusive Boyfriend, Stalker's, Paedophilia, Child Grooming, Man-Dependent, Disrespect towards your parents ...

Plus, the series has a week plot. And the main character's have no personality whatsoever - Bella = Mary-Sue.

Have you read the rest of book's from the series? Breaking Dawn is cliché, predictable, anti-climatic and SICK!

Sorry, for the ramble It just frustrates me how my teacher that is supposed to know the difference between a GOOD book and a BAD book, and loves Twilight.

Happy you help you're student's by recommending real LITERATURE (and most crazy twilight fans unfortunately never read a better book, and just keep re-reading twilight over and over again...)

PS: Sorry for any spelling error's I'm Portuguese x)

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Paw07 In reply to HakunaMatata-MMs [2009-08-02 01:03:25 +0000 UTC]

You type rather well for this being a second language actually.

Anyway, perhaps you should tell your teacher that you disagree (not in front of the fan girls ... for your own protection of course ). Sometimes teachers recommend things because they 'think' that it will make more young people want to read, but from my observations lots of teachers like input from their students if it is on a learning bias. You should tell her you think its weak for a learning system, and perhaps, she wont recommend it again.

Till then, have a hug you poor traumatized student.

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MishiDraws In reply to ??? [2009-07-12 16:33:10 +0000 UTC]

I just want to point out that Mary-Sues are not inherently bad. They can be enjoyable characters if they're well written and decently developed.

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Paw07 In reply to MishiDraws [2009-08-02 00:51:38 +0000 UTC]

I haven't ran into any really good ones myself, but I'm sure there are a few great ones out there.

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Deviant-Footballer In reply to ??? [2009-07-12 05:20:00 +0000 UTC]

This is exactly what I thought when I saw the movie/read the book. People laughed at me (some with good humor, some without), but I really wasn't joking.
Good job. Faved!

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Paw07 In reply to Deviant-Footballer [2009-08-02 00:52:40 +0000 UTC]

Glad we agree. Now let us frolic.

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Twilight-Veil In reply to ??? [2009-07-09 06:42:46 +0000 UTC]

LOL. Love this! x 1000

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Paw07 In reply to Twilight-Veil [2009-07-11 18:32:58 +0000 UTC]

Thanks. Glad you approve.

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lucida-lownes In reply to ??? [2009-06-19 07:07:23 +0000 UTC]

As soon as Twilight came out, my world ended. I'm headed off to college to become an author and I do not want to lower my standards to this piece of crap in order to get some money. I wrote even better than she does when I was fourteen! Honestly, Meyer has ruined it for the rest of the authors of the world. I sincerely hope the stupidity of Twilight goes away in time for my first novel. I don't know fangirls obsessed with sparkling vampires reading my books and being like "this is nothing compared to Twilight!" Even, these same fangirls reading Dracula and saying that it is nothing compared to Twilight.

I think I would die if that happened.

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EpicRacharaptor In reply to lucida-lownes [2009-08-09 22:45:38 +0000 UTC]

"Even, these same fangirls reading Dracula and saying that it is nothing compared to Twilight."

O____O ....that's the most horrifying thing I've ever thought of. Dx Bram Stoker's Dracula is LEAGUES ahead of that writing abomination!

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lucida-lownes In reply to EpicRacharaptor [2009-08-09 23:03:13 +0000 UTC]

Amen to that. I can't believe someone would say Twilight was better than Dracula. How horrible.

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Paw07 In reply to lucida-lownes [2009-08-02 01:07:46 +0000 UTC]

I totally agree with you. I had hopes of publishing a few teen orientated books, but if I have to write like that to sell them ... well, I don't know if its worth it.

Also, don't die ... just publish everything in the UK! Now they actually have some taste when it comes to writing.

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lucida-lownes In reply to Paw07 [2009-08-02 01:16:32 +0000 UTC]

Haha, good idea. I'll see what I can do about publishing UK.

It definitely isn't worth it to write that horribly.

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VampireLouislove In reply to ??? [2009-06-01 02:40:28 +0000 UTC]

see my journal:
[link]

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Paw07 In reply to VampireLouislove [2009-06-10 15:34:37 +0000 UTC]

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VampireLouislove In reply to Paw07 [2009-06-10 18:57:39 +0000 UTC]

lol

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