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Paw07 — Twilight isn't a Parody?
Published: 2009-02-13 22:33:16 +0000 UTC; Views: 27696; Favourites: 395; Downloads: 92
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Description
Let me see … I think that the comic speaks for me with sufficient sarcasm, but for the few that wonder how I could possibly hate something they consider “the greatest book evar!” I shall indulge you with an explanation.Now, I must admit that I am an English major and currently taking Secondary Education in order to earn my teaching degree. Now, from the very back of the book I could tell that the plot was weak and cliché, but I put it down and thought nothing more of the novel a few months back; there are many a shelves covered in bad books.
Yet, before I could even turn my head to see what was sneaking up on me, I was suddenly attacked by this ‘thing’ – for lack of a better word – called Twilight.
Now, don’t point at me and say, ‘But you didn’t read it’. Yes, yes, I did. I was actually so disgusted by the thesaurus rape, multitude of easily corrected grammar errors, Mary-Sue gag fest, and poor character development that I couldn’t get through little more than half the book. Yet, I do promise you I have researched the story line thoroughly and the – if barely there be one – plot.
Anyway, to the point, I do not like Twilight because I fear for my future students. You may say, “But at least they are reading something.” Well, yes, they are but that is all. There has been more than one occasion where I have tried to convince younger readers to read something else; they simple reply, “Nah, I’ll just reread Twilight.” You see my worry, no? These young readers think that this type of writing is acceptable. They will think that Mary-Sues are good; that thesaurus rape is okay; that lack of plot is the norm; and that bad writing is good literature. Good literature is a story that reveals something to a reader, not rants on for 280-some pages about her love for Edward. MEYER REVEALED NOTHING, except her inaccurate daydreams of relationships and classic lore.
Furthermore, I wanted to make this comic into a stamp, but I don’t know how to make flash stamps so this will have to do for now. Enjoy and for those of you interested, here are few of my anti-twilight heroes:
Excellent parody and thesaurus rape record: [link]
A site with all the top news anti-twilight: [link]
A hilarious bum reviews new moon: [link]
My anti-twilight collection on DA: [link]
Another hero in my books ... Twilight Ninja! [link]
For your viewing pleasure and movie mocking: [link] and [link]
Related content
Comments: 432
Mine too 
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I. Love. You. This made my day sooooo much better.
I made the mistake of reading the book - for which my brain rewarded me by bleeding - and then got roped into seeing the movie with my twelve-year-old cousin. After five minutes in the theatre I wanted to kill myself. I seriously was wondering if it was possible to use the popcorn bag's serrated edges to paper cut my wrists open.
(Just so you know, I am an avid reader of your PNNT stories. 
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Oh you make me blush with your praises.
You know I hear that those wax cups can be pretty dangerous if swallowed, or said you were team Jacob (or whatever the werewolfs name is again). That's what I would have tried if I had been in your situation. You poor thing. Put through both the book and the movie; you surely have a much stronger mind than I. I would have fallen into madness.
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Maybe I could have drowned myself in the soda fountain. Thankfully, even my cousin didn't really seem to like it. She was picking it apart on the car ride home.
I went and used photoshop afterwards to numb my brain.
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Thank god for photoshop. Now if only we could all photoshop Twilight out of our heads. Yah, lame job, I know. XD
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I have to agree one-hundred percent. As someone who has enjoyed books since before I could read, AND as a writer, Twilight appalled me. I will admit that I was sucked into the fandom for a short time, and even enjoyed it a bit. But after truly analyzing it, I came to realize that Bella was as Mary-Sue as they come, Edward was a wimpy excuse for a vampire, and most of the "plot devices" were fleeting and dissatisfying.
One thing that also pisses me off: The print is HUGE. In my mind, this is cheating. They're tricking the youth of the world into reading a book and thinking they're so smart for reading such a big book when, really, it's very short and not in-depth at all. Every time I hear someone talk about how wonderful Twilight is, I die a little inside and feel a deep sadness for the future of humanity. If these are our most popular books, little more than regurgitated smut, where will that lead us in the future?
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Sigh ... I agree about the print. Its a lie I tell you, lie! I think this stamps is for you by the way. It says all the words that need to be said about the future of humanity. [link]
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I LOVE twilight with a passion. I was so glad when I found this to find that someone else liked it for it's comic reasons.
Conversation - as close to word for word as my memory will alow me
Me: I read twilight.
Friend: Awesome! Did you like it?
Me: I loved it! Funniest book ever!
Friend: It was a romance love.
Me: ... I don't get it...
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No problem! Unfortunatly, I am a teenager, so it's annoying to have to hear, "how great it is" everyday. Stephanie Meyer is a horrible writer, and if I offend someone, I apoligize, but this is my opinion.I tried to read the host, to see if it was simply Stephanie or the book she was writing. I gave up after the first page. What I positivatly hate, is theres no reality in her characters. The only person my friend Sarah and I like, is Jacob. Why? Simple. He's real. He jokes around, he becomes hurt, he loves. Look at Edward. *Spoiler* Bella shares a passionate kiss with Jacob, and Edward does not mind. He also attempts Bella to stay away from her best friend. That is considered to be an abusive relationship. Finally (in this rant anyway 
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I aggree with you completly. I disliked the writing style immensily. The fact she uses bland description is enough to cause me to grind my teeth. The fact that she makes teenagers think it's okay to choose someone who is beautiful over someone who isn't is rather disturbing. I was talking to my friend about this fact. Mike and Eric were both interesting, but no matter how nice they were to Bella, they were pused away for Edward, a man whom (at the beggining of course) Bella never knew, and whom was mean to her. In a short sentence: Twilight is a boring book, with bland characters, and absouetly no plot other than the fact that a woman loves someone.
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Not to mention its also telling young girls to be shallow. Yah, that's a message we want to send young people.
Thanks for the review by the way.
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! adore twilight, and say what you must about my icon *sigh* and my bad writing.... but i really did find this humorous. i respect your point of view but really you don`t have to be so rude about people who read twilight.Fans are being fans,let them and me(lol) have there fun. no offense or anything.i like the gnaw my hands off part funny...8don`t hit me for speaking my mind*
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Well, it’s nice to hear you have a sense of humor. I wanted this to be funny more than an insult to anyone personally, but I also wanted it to express my opinion of the book and its writing style at the same time ... so this is what I got.
And no, I don't mind people expressing their opinions. In fact I admire people who can express their opinions and still be classy about it. You are allowed to read Twilight and love it, just as I am allowed to cringe at its very name. XD
Thanks for being a good sport.
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thankyou and i agree 100% people do have there own opinions and no matter if they hate of love it no one should tell them off ,for no reason really silly.
so go you for hating twilight in your own way. 
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Your comic had me laughing so badly. LOL.
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Glad you got a kick out of it. At least there is a little joy to be had of Twilight ... it makes a great joke.
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And your eyeballs, don't forget your eyeballs
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But don't worry too much about it, Drac got wind of the book and he's going to kick Ed's ass
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I shall get my popcorn than. That's a show I don't want to miss.
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XD
hey on youtube they got this parody called Twilight: the Broodening. It basically summerizes the first movie while making fun of it.
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Must ... find ... parody.
Oh, my eyes! Primus, I can't even cover them because I no longer have hands.
But, yah, that was funny. Now I no longer have to wonder about just how bad the movie really was.
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My favorite line was "Neither vampires nor vegetarians eat deer"
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The Host, was actually... a decent book. The main characters weren't Mary-sues as Bella so gallantly is. The book was not like Twilight with which the plot dissapates immediately. I thought this comic was exceedingly hilarious. Loved it.
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lol. Its seems that you love reading through comments as much as I do.
But yes, I will admit I haven't read The Host and it might be a decent book, but after the tragedy that was Twilight, I don't think I have the stomach to pick up another one of her Meyer's books.
Also, glad you liked the comic. Ta-ta for now.
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You're so awesome and I agree with everything you wrote!
I read the whole darn series, they are such worthless books! The only reason I read them was because a friend of mine was going crazy over them and talking with our English teacher about it and they would both be: "zomg did u c dat! aodfaf SO AWSUMS!". I felt lonely so I decided to give them a shot but I suspected they where crap from the beginning since almost none of my friends ever got excited over vampire stuff. And the only things I liked about the book where three characters that hardly ever do anything, it's like they're not actually there... >.>
Now I'm afraid to pick up the next book that gets popular. The only really popular books that I really like and buy stuff of are Harry Potter. XD
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lol. You poor thing. At least your teacher hasn't tried to use it in a teaching session ... or at least I hope she hasn't.
But, yes I agree. The only thing that I can recommend in picking up new series is to head for the classics: there is a reason they have withstood the test of time and the other thing ... read whatever the British throw out. They do have a way with writing. I mean look at Narnia, The Golden Compass, and Harry Potter.
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lol I know and yeah, she's talked about trying to get twilight or eclipse to be used in class. .___.
Oh and yes, I noticed that the British tend to throw some darn tasty books.
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Ekkk! You should cry 'no' to your teacher! She's not allowed to try and force her religion on you. 
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Thank goodness I already passed the class before the twilight thing. XD And omg you're so right, yesterday this girl was talking to me about it and I told her that I wasn't a fan and she was all: "What!? But these are the most beautiful, romantic, action filled, best books evarr!!!"....I tried reasoning with her but I just quit and told her to go read an actual good book instead.
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lol. It reminds me of when I tried to convert my little sister and her two friends to the world of sanity; but no they'd hear nothing of it. What happened to the good old days of Trekky and Starwar’s fans. At least they were fun.XD
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I miss the Star Wars craze... XD
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the comic gave me a giggle. never understood the pull of twilight. must be becasue im now in my 20s*srugs.* then again i never was that fanitic about any seris i read even Harry Potter or either of Laural K Hampltions seires as much as i loved them. i have a friend whos the queen of paranormal info. she read alott of paranormal books mainly vampires. She said Twilight was ok if slow to start but basicly it was jus another sirries in her vast collection. personly i hate slow starting story telling. said the movie was the same way yet my gran wants to watch it with me ._.; sorry for any mistakes writeing was never a strong point of mine.
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Your gran wants to watch it with you! XD
Oh poor, poor, fellow. Here let me give you a hug. Perhaps it will help strive off any madness that is bound to ensue.
But I digress and agree. To me it would be just another book as well with a snail-crawl plot, but the fans and media decided to blow it way out of proportion.
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*hugs back* im geting morbidly curious and soon i will kill my mind a little bit more. but yhea media blows everything out of porporsion oiy.
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Dang you First Amendment! Allowing freedom of press! 
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all we can do i exnore it and go on our way and hope we dont get mauled for haveing an opion.
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Its just easyer to think of it as a parody, that way I don't lose sleep at night.
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Yes, one does not wish to become dependant on sleeping pills. It's just easier telling oneself it's a parody.
I fear for the poor sap that realizes that it is not.
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omg. This is hilarious.
I read some of the links you listed and well, I agree with Stephen King. (He sums it up)
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I know. I just loved how all the fantard went nuts about it too. And to myself I was like, "Okay ... so are you offended because one author offered criticism to another writer, or because it was true?"
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So true! Ugh, I just feel bad for the people who public disagree and were physically attacked (as mentioned on a site you linked). That's insane. Also the site tallying up frequently used terms to describe Edward was hilarious.
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omg! first learn how to draw please! im blind because of you now.......
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