HOME | DD
PeckishOwl — Oakentoon #116: The Defining Chapter - part 1
#aragorn #boromir #comic #elrond #gandalf #gimli #hobbit #legolas #lotr #parody #theoden #thorinoakenshield #onedoesnotsimply #bofta
Published: 2014-12-28 22:16:58 +0000 UTC; Views: 20340; Favourites: 211; Downloads: 47
Redirect to original
Description
ABOUT THIS OAKENTOONIn collaboration with
thorinoakenshield.net and... who supplied me with the accurately bitter "Spot 10 differences" headers as well as "There's a book?" joke, which I've also used before:
Sorry, but I'm trying to get all these cynical ideas out of my head...
Share your woes with me if your heart was broken by "The Battle of the Five Armies" like mine was:
Where is the hand on the harpstring ...Dear Oakenlovers,
Please excuse Your Humble Owl for adding a spoon of wood tar into the barrel of honey dripping throughout the Internet on how wonderful the last “Hobbit” movie was. For me, it was a disaster. Harsh as this statement may seem, my heart was broken and defiled. You know I’m not some dumb Middle-Earth hater. I loved “The Lord of the Rings” and I can honestly say I really enjoyed the first two “Hobbit” movies. The Oakentoons were one of the outcomes of my very profound attachment to what I’ve read and seen so far. Sure, I did have a lot of fun mocking the plot and the characters, but I’ve never set the bar of humor low enough for anyone to feel hurt or affronted (I hope). But last night, after seeing “The Battle of the Five Armies” - the movie I had very high expectations for, especially after seeing the trailer - all my hopes turned into a worst kind of nightmare – a cruel joke made out of everything
Please note that it's not my goal to make you hate BOTFA. It's just my way of dealing with my disappointments - through humor, I hope.
P.S. Poor Theoden. They just won't let him be... Worse than the Valentoons, this is.
peckishowl.deviantart.com/art/… peckishowl.deviantart.com/art/… ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Next Oakentoon: peckishowl.deviantart.com/art/… 
Looking for more Oakentoons? Search no more: peckishowl.deviantart.com/gall… 
Start from Episode #1: peckishowl.deviantart.com/art/… 
Be sure to check my GALLERY for OakenCrossovers, OakenStills and other OakenGoodies!Images from "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy by Peter Jackson / New Line Cinema (2001-2003) and "The Hobbit. The Battle of the Five Armies" by Peter Jackson / Warner Bros / MGM (2014).
Related content
Comments: 119
Dang you Thranduil!
Haha this so good I had to read twice.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Oh my word... this entire thing is hilarious, especially Elrond's last line!
(I would also like to mention that in movieverse, Aragorn would actually have been about 26 or so, because the 17 years Frodo spent in the Shire before leaving in the book were removed. So Thrandy's comment isn't quite as bad as it might've been. 
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I'm glad someone pointed out that Aragorn was just a little kid at the time, probably living in Rivendell! Not a Ranger! (unless I missed the part in the books where he leaves home and becomes a prepubescent sharpshooter).
Brilliant, as always.
👍: 1 ⏩: 1
Yeah! HANNON LE, VIGGO MORTENSEN, FOR REFUSING TO BE ARAGORN IN THE HOBBIT. Someone has some sense... I'm looking at you, Legolas... Can you IMAGINE if Aragorn was also in the movies? Ugh.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I AM DYING GOOD GOD GOODBYE WORLD I AM AUDI
DONE
SO DONE
OH SO DONE
I WAS TEN
OH MY GOD
HELP ME
THE JOKES
ALL THE FREAKING JOKES
ALL THE NERD INSIDE JOKES
THIS IS GOLD
YOU ARE GOLD
OK BYE
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thranduil just can't keep secrets, that's why he's not invited anymore...
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I accidentally read your Leaftoon's backwards, but whatever, in whichever order its read in, its still hilarious and I'm so glad the bitterness is shared. It's not that I don't care about Leggy (I do. I like all elves as well as any Hobbit), but this movie, this trilogy is meant to be about the dwarves, and the hobbit. It's not called The Legolas, an elf's tale of defying gravity, but the Hobbit, a story about a hobbit and his dwarves! It just...
Anyway, I'll stop before I start ranting all over again. If not about Leggy, than about that stupid, useless, wannabe Wormtongue. Because seriously, how did he get more lines than almost all the dwarves?! Seriously, how?! Talk about not being in the book (Ha, yeah, what book... ha! 'groans')
Anyway, these were hilarious (as always)! Well done! And thank you very much, I really did need to read these, so thank you for creating this.
Keep up the Great Work!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I think the way moviecanon (if you can even call it that anymore after the last farce) shifted the timeline, the BotFA actually took place 60 years before the Fellowship of the Ring, and with Aragorn being in his eighties during the Fellowship he would have been around 20 now. Hardly old enough to be "well known" yet, but possibly no longer in Rivendell and some time into his "Strider" career.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Oh you idiot Thranduil! It seems as if the elves of Mirkwood are taking over.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Oh my god! I send a million hugs over to you! I thouhg This was over when you said you did not liked the movie (I did not liked it either, but I do love oakentoons)
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Quoting Voldemort:
IT'S NEVER OVER ! ! !
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Yay! *does touch down celebration dance*
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Perfect. I feel much better now. *nods very approvingly in a very majestic way*
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I like to pretend BoFA hasn't come out yet. I prefer to believe that there will be a good movie made of it one day, if I just wait long enough. Not only did Jackson manage to have a bigger hard-on for elves than JRR himself - a task which should have been impossible - he took a death scene which should have rivaled Boromir's in valor and emotional impact and turned it into a disgustingly cheesy and cliche travesty.
I would write a longer comment (where was Beorn? Why Alfrid? Did PJ research Dwarf culture or just decide to make it up as he went along?) but I'm still too angry to make it coherent.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
"...he took a death scene which should have rivaled Boromir's in valor and emotional impact and turned it into a disgustingly cheesy and cliche travesty. "
YES! YES! Thrice YEEEEES!
This should have been Boromir's Death vs Thorin's Death!! Choose the hero you cared for more, you wept for more, who broke your heart more, who sacrificed himself more to redeem himself! Give him the spotlight, give him the music, give him the shock and grief of his companions, give him the total silence among the audience! GIVE HIM A DEATH WORTHY OF REMEMBERANCE!
... sorry. Owl Madness talking again.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Yay, I'm glad someone agrees!
I told myself that I could forgive anything PJ did if he did right by the three Durin deaths, and what do we get? The brothers split up despite the fact that family means EVERYTHING in their culture, even more than their own lives. Then we get a throwaway shot of Fili's death. Then, even better, Kili dies because of a bs love triangle that canon dictates neither Elvish nor Dwarvish culture/nature would have made possible.* As for Thorin...well, we all know how that turned out. The line of Durin should have gone out in a blaze of glory, but instead it fizzled out like a candle being pissed on.
I always said this movie would ruin me. Never thought it would ruin me like this.
* Based on Tolkien's description of their respective attitudes on love and marriage. An elf in love with more than one person would have been unthinkable at best, impossible at the least. Dwarves similarly did not take romance lightly, and many chose to never marry rather than pursue someone who appeared to be in love with someone else. The more you know! XD
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I love this. This sums up my feelings perfectly, haha...
I enjoyed BOTFA as a movie but felt it didn't stick to Tolkien's original vision very much at all, so it was a bit of a disappointment for me. An action-filled jewel in the crown of an okay trilogy that could've been so much better. Pity.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Really, really, really good job. Thanks for sharing and being able to express freely the same opinion with me. I hated BOTFA. It was a hollow, empty piece of crap. No spirit of Tolkien inhabited it.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I must disagree - it wasn't an empty piece of crap. But it was an empty golden cup - nice to look at but leaves you thirsty nonetheless.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Thorin : "Go back to your books..."
PJ : "Sorry... Did you say books ? "
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Oooh I thought Aragorn was in his twenties back then... I didn't even note the inconsistency -_-"
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Wait, Theoden was mentioned in The Hobbit movies as well? 
Glad I'm not the only one who noticed Aragorn was too young to be known far and wide at that point.
Although I was also disappointed by some inaccuracies, I still don't get why people say Peter Jackson is a horrible producent. I mean.
The LotR and Hobbit movies were the only ones that actually impressed me in accuracy to the books, unlike many other ones. Just compare it to, I don't know, How to Train Your Dragon (I watched it after reading the book.. Gave me a feeling someone just took the characters and made up their own story with them), or even.. A Series of Unfortunate Events (out of 14 books, they made one movie, which only includes events of the first 3 or 4 books - AND made up their own ending, so they can't make a continuation of it to show the later events..). You have to admit LotR and Hobbit are much better than that.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
No, Theoden wasn't mentioned. I used him to make a certain point.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This parody... It speaks to me. 
But I think I'll be ok as long as I view The Hobbit Trilogy as Marvel movies filmed in New Zealand and had the honor of being inspired or influenced by Tolkien's work. But still... they could've been better.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I so agree with you. There was much I was disappointed with, including the fact that Fili is so forgotten. Breaks my heart. Along with everything else I disliked.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
thanks for the laughs. I needed them, as my heart was broken by BOTFA as well.
too much alfrid ,too much legolas, fill and kili just murdered, a split second of beorn~ending on this note is very disappointing
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Thank you so much for this wonderful Unmajestic Oakenfree Oakentoon^^. Here are some people thinking the same you do!
We do really like the movie (although we try to get past what we'll never get over seeing the three Durin's dying) - but for The Hobbit being really a small book - why was it necessary to take off (iconic) scenes which were obviously very important to Tolkien (the funeral, the way back)? We watched the BOFA 8 times already and the more often we watch it, the more we feel there is too less screentime for the REAL main characters of The Hobbit, means THE HOBBIT (!!!) and Thorin. It can't be that characters which are even not in the book take over the show.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Yes. This movie ought to have been about the heroes. Their choices. Their sacrifices. Their tragedies. And while some of these were shown, they had too little spotlight. They deserved more and nothing will change my opinion about that.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I second that! Amen. All my hopes are directed to Bofa extended....
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Trust me, there are plenty of people who loved the movie. You'll never succeed in making them feel bad for that.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Yes! This is gold!!! 
There was way too many elves at the end o.o, they just popped out of the woodworks like daisies!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I noticed the thing about Aragorn as well, it really sticked out.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I love Legolas though...I LOVED seeing him but...honestly the movie was....ehh...Peter Jackson rly needed to rethink EVERYTHING. It was just dull and not well wrapped together. And the last scene between Legolas and Thranduil was just...awkward and...the writer needs to be fired. Then when it continued with Tauriel I was still like...uuuuh. Some really hilarious moments though. Loved Alfred's dress near the end XD. And THRAUNDIL WAS FABULOUS! LOLZ I can't wait till you get the stills to make something out of that
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
While the entertainment you have laid on seems to be delightful indeed, I fear I love THE HOBBIT too much to share your reservations at this particular party!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
"Thranduil spilled the beans." *snort-giggle* He's a sassy, blonde, Mirkwood king, Elrond. What else would you expect?
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
for a broken-hearted owl; as Samwise once said "But in the end, it’s only a passing thing… this shadow. Even darkness must pass."
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I think the only ones that outdo this are the 'Blades of Gondolin.' This is definitely one of my favorites. I have not yet seen the final part of the Hobbit (I'll go in a few days), but I certainly enjoyed reading this.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
| Next =>