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PeckishOwl — Oakentoon #116: The Defining Chapter - part 1
#aragorn #boromir #comic #elrond #gandalf #gimli #hobbit #legolas #lotr #parody #theoden #thorinoakenshield #onedoesnotsimply #bofta
Published: 2014-12-28 22:16:58 +0000 UTC; Views: 20342; Favourites: 211; Downloads: 47
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ABOUT THIS OAKENTOONIn collaboration with
thorinoakenshield.net and... who supplied me with the accurately bitter "Spot 10 differences" headers as well as "There's a book?" joke, which I've also used before:
Sorry, but I'm trying to get all these cynical ideas out of my head...
Share your woes with me if your heart was broken by "The Battle of the Five Armies" like mine was:
Where is the hand on the harpstring ...Dear Oakenlovers,
Please excuse Your Humble Owl for adding a spoon of wood tar into the barrel of honey dripping throughout the Internet on how wonderful the last “Hobbit” movie was. For me, it was a disaster. Harsh as this statement may seem, my heart was broken and defiled. You know I’m not some dumb Middle-Earth hater. I loved “The Lord of the Rings” and I can honestly say I really enjoyed the first two “Hobbit” movies. The Oakentoons were one of the outcomes of my very profound attachment to what I’ve read and seen so far. Sure, I did have a lot of fun mocking the plot and the characters, but I’ve never set the bar of humor low enough for anyone to feel hurt or affronted (I hope). But last night, after seeing “The Battle of the Five Armies” - the movie I had very high expectations for, especially after seeing the trailer - all my hopes turned into a worst kind of nightmare – a cruel joke made out of everything
Please note that it's not my goal to make you hate BOTFA. It's just my way of dealing with my disappointments - through humor, I hope.
P.S. Poor Theoden. They just won't let him be... Worse than the Valentoons, this is.
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Be sure to check my GALLERY for OakenCrossovers, OakenStills and other OakenGoodies!Images from "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy by Peter Jackson / New Line Cinema (2001-2003) and "The Hobbit. The Battle of the Five Armies" by Peter Jackson / Warner Bros / MGM (2014).
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Comments: 119
The spot 10 differences things really sums it up.
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I LOVED this!!! 
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Cool. And i waiting for the extended edition too. Theirs always hope.
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My opinion on the movie doesn't matter, but I love this xD
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Well I have something new to look forward in the movie.........
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And now it is the "LeafyToons" where it is about the blonde pointy eared version of Batman.
I miss the Oakentoons of Majesty already...
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"I was not even born then!" xD
I laughed so hard at that xDD
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I call that movie "Epic adventures in Middle-Earth". It entertained me in a very very over-the-top way. But I can't accept that movie as part of the Hobbit. I simply can't. This has absolutely nothing to do with The Hobbit.
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goddammit elves
seriously, though, did we need ten-ish minutes of Azog swinging his mace at Thorin? like jfc Thorin just stab the guy already
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Love this!! 
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"Look for your friends, but do not trust to hope. I has forsaken these lands."
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Thank you for that. From the bottom of my bearded dwarven heart: THANK YOU!
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things i looked forward to in the last movie:
- epic scenes with beorn
- burrial scene
- ending scene with balin
-the bird scene with bard
So, great elves like Fingolfin or Beleg die immediately and much to soon and Legolas does not care about the laws of physics... so many scenes where i just felt ashamed. Tauriel and Kili? Was funny in the begining... but it takes so much away from Kili. Hes not intrested in his brother, uncle or the realm of erebor anymore, just cares about his elven girl... One of the main differences: CGI-Orcs vs CGI-Elves... yeah, not really as epic as an real Eorlingas-Army. Im sorry, i went into the cinema twice and the second time was better, and some scenes i really enjoyed and loved... So, if you liked BofA I can absolutly understand it...
Oakentoons are awesome! Keep on! ^^
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Just had a terrible enlightenment!
The E.E will be 30 minutes longer - as we all know - but who says we will also see the dwarves? Oh my....
The division: 25 minutes *Legolas gazes adoringly at Tauriel*----
and 5 minutes for the dwarves As icing on the cake, the elves singing *Ave Maria*.
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Totally. This last movie was not about the Line of Durin. It was about Legolas hormones issues and his crossover of Matrix. He hogged the movie practically.
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That's why I join Boromir in leaving no hope to myself. It's safer that way.
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This is effing hillarious! 
'Thranduil spilled the beans' indeed
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It's not that I dont' like Legolas. I love him in the books. i just thought that his whole reason for being in the Hobbit was to give over-protective daddy Thranduil a reason to go to war (if he thought his son was in danger) But Thranduil doesn't seem to care at all about Legolas once he gets to the Lonely Mountain which makes all of Legolas' stunts....redundant. And after a while pretty boring
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That one really made my day
And it's exactly how I feel about the movie, too. In itself it was quite good, nice effects and Smaug's death looked spectacular. But I'm a big fan of Tolkien and the books so I was rather disappointed because of all the changes they made...
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You cracked me up... Thank you for helping us to laugh at that unexpected letdown! God,you made my day,I'm gonna laugh at that for hours...
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I'm really happy to hear it!
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My sentiments exactly.
Carry on with part 2, I can't wait!
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Wat? If any of the Hobbit movies introduced plotless action it was the Desolation of Smaug. BOFTA went a long way towards righting the ship with its better story and character development compared to the second film. I'm rather flummoxed you'd be disappointed by it.
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Oh-oh, Peter Jackson, looks like the pugs of war are upon you... !
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Thank you for this, it's one bright spot in a world of darkness and despair because of the horror that shares a name with a treasured book and was supposed to portray that book but failed to do so on many levels. I have developed a rant based on the inaccuracies between the book and the film but I won't go into that in detail because that wouldn't be completely worth doing at this point.
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It is good to see I can still find a genuine reason for laughter. Thank you!
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Something completely different.
I'm quite a loser with numbers, and don't want to be a pathetic nitpicker who just missed something, but:
In TT, Aragorn said he's 87. So, if the Hobbit is settled 60 years earlier, he must have been 27, not ten, mustn't he?
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Appendix B in RoTK lists Aragorn as being born in 2931. Death of Thorin in 2941. Not that this matters in the films.
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"Appendix B in RoTK lists Aragorn as being born in 2931. Death of Thorin in 2941." That's the timeline I was following, yes.
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In 2931 Aragorn is born. In 3018 when he meets Frodo, he's 87.
Bilbo's farewell birthday party is in 3001.
The Battle of the Five Armies is in 2941. That's 60 years earlier.
So the movies made no mistake, but I forgot that Frodo sat on his behind for 17 years till he met Gandalf again.
Can't blame the poor movies for everything now, can we...?
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I had problems with adjusting the movies' timeline to the one from the book so I just thought I'll stick to the book instead.
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True. I personally never saw any written alternative movie timeline, anyway, I think they always used the numbers from the book if there was something written down in the movie.
I say for me they just cheated for the actors; made Balin and Oin older and Ori and Thorin younger - which I don't mind; after all this brought us Richard playing Thorin.
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The films take a different chronological standpoint, sure. But for sake of parody the date in the books should be equally valid as it is the deviations from the books which are being brought into question here.
And I can blame the films for quite a bit more, never fear. The Hobbit film can't even keep its own chronology straight. If you look at the dates on the Weta tapestry (which are book accurate), they are impossible to match with the events in the film since Balin would then be a child younger than Thorin when the dragon came. Things like that, and so many other examples of inconsistencies, made me really doubt what all that incredible effort was for.
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Still it was my mistake.
It's nothing new that Thorin is the oldest dwarf in the book and that they changed this.
But see it like this: If they had changed the dates on the tapestry, people would have complained that it's not book accurate. They kept the dates from the book, now comes the complain that it doesn't match the ages of the actors.
I don't say the movies are perfect, neither is the book. Even Tolkien got confused which of his dwarves is the youngest now.
They added some stuff I wished they hadn't. They'd cut some stuff I wish they hadn't. They did some designs I didn't like. They said some lines I didn't like.
But now saying sulking you wonder what the 'incredible effort' was for, that's so plain unfair it shocks me, really.
Even if you're disappointed, is all you liked about the movies suddenly nothing worth anymore?
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Sorry to shock you. But I was and remain shocked, truly shocked by the poorer quality of this film. Rejoice that you do not feel the same.
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Oh, I was shocked, but not about everything.
I'll just copy you what I wrote PeckishOwl about this matter a minute ago:
I completely understand that you and Jackal are, sorry, pissed about some stuff, it's the same here, and of course you should handle it the way you like to handle it.
But also I saw it already three weeks ago and three times (yet); and I'm fast in forgiving, so I'm already more or less making peace, for there were just too many too good scenes to hate the whole movie.
I wrote four "BotFA Bashing" gags the first days after I watched the movie the first time, and they were pure acid. In the meantime I changed details of them, because I felt they were destructive somehow. And I feel better since.
I didn't want to tell you how cynical or disappointed to be, I mean, who am I to claim that, but maybe my experience can be interesting for you, that I found much more recovery in loving what's good than in hating what's bad, if you understand what I mean.
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I should clarify what I meant by "doubt what all that incredible effort was for". That was aimed more at those little details which the productions have always prided themselves on. The detailed props, the languages, costumes, the CGI like Gollum, Smaug, the Eagles. Many are excellent, but when you are a nitpicker (like myself) you also see the strange things that they allowed to pass muster that were not so great, and you wonder why did they spend sooo much time on one when other parts were lacking. And that's not even talking about the script. I've been complaining about those things for three years (just not in public). The last film didn't suddenly inspire me to flights of criticism. It's always been there. Imagine me as Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons. "Worst Hobbit ever!"
I had been enjoying the final film for the first hour and 45 minutes, because whatever was less than great I could deal with assuming the end was satisfactory. Seeing it a second time I still enjoyed it to that point. But for me the end matters more than the rest. That was a game-changer. It's been over three weeks since I first saw it. But time makes little difference. I do not forgive easily (or sometimes ever). Thanks for sharing the way you found to cope with it, but different personalities must deal with it in different ways. I have my own particular way, but it is slow and methodical and full of angst.
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