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pentogram — F.orbidden Love
Published: 2006-05-21 11:08:29 +0000 UTC; Views: 185; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 6
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Description
A smile, a wink,the tip of a hat.
Furs and mink
and fancies like that.
He nods to her,
she curtseys back.
Not a word to exchange,
unless a fact.
Gammon for supper,
and cake for tea.
Nothing improper,
that the gentry can see.
The guests have left,
the hands to bed.
All except one,
who's got a meeting ahead.
He waits for her, silent,
beneath the green tree.
These meetings are frequent,
he's her lover you see.
From the shadow of night,
emerges his queen.
Basked in the moonlight,
the young maid can be seen.
A savouring kiss,
under the stars above.
Both lost in the bliss,
that is their f.orbidden love.
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Comments: 32
nice style keeping each piece short and sweet, and the clear distinction between social and private affairs
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I like this -- it's always nice to see romantic poetry that isn't overly sappy or emo. I also really enjoyed the historical setting of this poem, also something I don't see very often. I also enjoyed the details which point to this setting, and I would suggest if you choose to revise this at all finding more of those details to put in when you get to the end, about how they're lovers -- a tight corset or something like that.
One small thing: check the spelling of "curtseys," I could be wrong, but I feel like it's "curtsies."
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Thank you so much for commenting on this poem!
I will think about adding in more detail. ^^ Or perhaps I may write a continuation? Who knows.
I just have, and I found it can be spelled both ways.
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You're very welcome! I enjoyed reading it.
Good to know -- I'll keep the new spelling knowledge in the back of my head
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I think it is a pretty good poem. The way you wrote it, short lines like that, works well - and the poems are simplistic but they bring a beauty and mystery to the piece. Its cute, romantic, forbidden. I like the whole feeling of the secret, the intimacy that shouldn't be there.
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Thank you! I'm glad you can feel it. ^^
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I like it, it's romantic and sweet. Shows that love breaks through stereotypes and classes of society, that love is blind that you see the person inside not what's on the outside.
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Thank you so much for commenting. I like that you can beyond the upstairs-downstairs feel.
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your welcome, yeah I can definitely feel it.
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i like the angle you put on this, not what i expected from the title! if flows nicely weldone
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Thanks so much for commetning on my work!
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I like that you've kept it in small sentences, and the fact that your poem tells a story! It's been a long time since I've read anything but EMO-shit. But this was actually quite good! Not that I am the right person to tell what kind of poetry that's good and not, but I liked this one!
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