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Published: 2006-05-04 15:13:33 +0000 UTC; Views: 162; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 5
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Description
Practise and perserveranceOptimism that you will finish
Energy to continue
Time to think about it
Reminders that it will not be perfect the first time
Your true self to give it meaning
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Comments: 9
SSEJBAT [2006-06-05 14:01:36 +0000 UTC]
i particually liked the last line of the piece reads well
π: 0 β©: 1
HaveTales-WillTell [2006-05-07 00:26:32 +0000 UTC]
Here's my critique, as you requested in this thread: [link]
Even though you didn't specify your age in your profile, I get the impression that you're in your young to middle teens. (Forgive me if I'm wrong.) Working from that basis, this is a mature and well thought out acrostic poem.
There's one minor typo: perseverance has only two r's. And three of your lines end with the word it, which is a bit distracting. (The first one, on the O line, isn't even necessary).
But overall, I applaud your sentiment. Writing wellβwhether poetry or proseβtakes more than just tossing words on paper (or on the screen); like creating any other worthwhile art, it requires effort. I'm especially impressed with Time to think about it. Most wannabe poets believe that the first words to spill out of their minds are precious and golden, whatever they happen to be; how dare anyone ask them to consider revising them!?
In fact, the more I consider this piece, the more I'm convinced that it deserves a fave. Excellent work.
π: 0 β©: 1
pentogram In reply to HaveTales-WillTell [2006-05-07 08:52:30 +0000 UTC]
Thank you very much! Both for the helpful critique and the +Fave.
The comments have been very helpful.
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HaveTales-WillTell In reply to pentogram [2006-05-07 09:28:56 +0000 UTC]
Glad I could be of help.
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pentogram In reply to HaveTales-WillTell [2006-05-07 09:40:33 +0000 UTC]
Indeed you were.
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forever-0 [2006-05-05 18:57:53 +0000 UTC]
This is lovely, well written and well thought out
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