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peterdawes — A Poetic Inquiry
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Published: 2008-04-07 15:18:38 +0000 UTC; Views: 298; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 3
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a message sent, but one receivedthings are not what i perceived
i held you close, a springtime wind
before they claimed you back again
at first a dream, i speculate
he shakes his fist at heaven's gate
the fickle lot of fate and time
provokes the poet into rhyme
morose and melancholy lines
penned with somber brushstrokes fine
the feeble artist takes to task
the haunting spectre of his past
however, morning tells the tale
the truth of kisses that did pale
with all the memories i engage
with sullen temperament and rage
i held you once within these hands
in spells more deep; in other lands
in lifetimes i believed were dead
yet there you were within my head
you taunted me with crimson lips
i felt the contours of your hips
became as lovers once again
before two souls were forced to rend
not the first, i must confess
the first time i that did caress
you in the scene of nights gone by
the fairy tales of moonlit skies
but yes, the first within a while
the distance was not gaged in miles
in daunting forms of measurement
that only leave two lovers spent
as morning's light bewitches me
the facts laid out for him to see
the lips still buzzing after sleep
from spellbound kisses dark and deep
the visceral, emotive dream
perhaps a witch's clever scheme?
woke from the space of years, i ask
did i hold you once again at last?
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Comments: 22
excellent work peter. although rhyming is not one of your more developed gifts, this little number was amazing. you can't begin to imagine how much i idolize you very well done.
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I appreciate the kind words. My rhyming skills are lacking, but it was the overflow of the heart, I suppose you could say. Gave me the opportunity to practice.
Much more practice needed in this format, though.
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it was still extremely well written.
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you're welcome Peter.
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rhymes! yay peter!
i agree with denise. she's looking for you. i get that feeling sometimes. you'll find each other, i know you will. i promise.
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I certainly hope you are right. 
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however, morning tells the tale
the truth of kisses that did pale
with all the memories i engage
with sullen temperament and rage
That was my favorite part. I am beginning to think that there is nothing that you do not do well. Bravo!
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Why thank you, dear Leonie. I am not satisfied with my rhyming abilities, but it is a fun exercise to attempt just the same.
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Upon looking at this brilliant piece Deltabeta noticed something odd. Deltabeta spoke aloud, "There were no Capital letters anywhere throughout the whole poem. It perturbed him so much that he paused when reading and it cut from his train of though.
lol...I thought I'd speak in third person for once.
Very good poem friend!~
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Peter apologizes; notes the evil spirit of e.e. cummings has assailed his poetic consciousness. Peter is grateful you thought the piece brilliant just the same, though.
I once capitalized. Now, I don't for some strange reason. Perhaps the same reason baseball players must use certain bats, et cetera; it doesn't feel right to capitalize any longer.
Thank you kindly, sir.
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My OCD is really not liking it. lol... I guess I'll have to trudge through such inadequacies of grammar & mechanics. I still really love the rhetoric in your writing. It's really brilliant!
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Thank you, sir. Both for the compliment and your patience.
Perhaps I might pen one in uppercase to assuage your OCD one of these days.
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Ha. Please I dare not make you change your ways...I'll just refrain from looking at it again. 
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Have you heard something? This poem seems to hint at that.
Actually, while rhyme is not your specialty, this one was good and had flashes of brilliance. This stanza was wonderfully crafted. It had great meter but was not a slave to it. Try reading it out loud, and you'll see. I loved how it sounded:
"not the first, i must confess
the first time i that did caress
you in the scene of nights gone by
the fairy tales of moonlit skies"
This line though appears to be off its rythmn a bit. Too many syllables? The accent word not quite right? I don't know. Rhyming poetry is not my forte either.
"morose and melancholy lines
penned into place with brushstrokes fine
the feeble artist takes to task
the haunting spectre of the past"
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I. . . am a bit befuddled, I must confess. Did I hear something? Was it her? I am not certain.
Joshua took it upon himself to act on my behalf. His words:
". . . I brought a deep red rose and lingered in the shadows near their building. When I spied the woman emerge alone, I engaged her quickly, handing the rose to her and suggesting a mutual acquaintance wished to relay a message. She asked me what the message was. I told her to consider perusing cyberspace.
My apologies, Peter. I spoke with Robin after our exchange and he told me what all has transpired. I figured, if this woman truly is your wife, she would understand the relevance of a rose paired with the message. Either way, your name was not used, in case I was in error.
For what it's worth. . . I do believe she knew what I was alluding toward. But I cannot say with certainty."
I only received his message this morning. After quite an unusual dream.
Hadn't tried reading it aloud. Perhaps that might help me find the problem with those lines you cited. (After my nerves have settled a bit, that is.) Thank you for the critical eye.
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She is out there. And she is looking for you too. Forget the meter in the poem, man! All will be right in the world again.
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From your lips to heaven's ears, Denise.
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I'm not sure what kind of pull I have, but I do know someone upstairs who can put in a good word.
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I would certainly appreciate anyone's intervention.
Arrived home early enough to stop by the basilica. Another candle lit. There has to be somebody listening.
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How can he not? You're keeping him awake with all that light.
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Very good. That means I have his attention, then.
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