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peterdawes — Immortality
by-nc-nd
Published: 2008-03-31 10:28:35 +0000 UTC; Views: 445; Favourites: 5; Downloads: 11
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Description
the clock upon the wall a hollow echoyou lie awake and ponder the matter of
yesterday and today
tomorrows you feel entitled to
outrunning the demon that pursues you
the ghost without a face
he's taken different names
different forms within the past
he creeps into your room with bony fingers
the pallor of the entombed upon his
melancholy countenance
coming not for flesh and blood, but for your soul
you shiver as you ponder
just how he will seduce you into death's repose
bartering with the devil for just
one more day upon this mortal coil
attached to unending years
you cry out to the gods for permanence
and then, you get your wish
the icy fingers that clutched onto you
have lost their grip, exchanging you
for satan's contract penned in blood
all for just another day to live
others give their lives instead
you begged for one more day
but one becomes a million
shifting sands blow past and then begin
to obliterate the world around you
you shudder to recall your younger days
and pacts made with the devil
seeking rest, you find none
only the cold and empty embrace
of fleeting marks upon a calendar
reliving the evening you lied there
on your bed, screaming for unending days
trading death's refuge for immortality
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Comments: 20
Mortals have a great gift they know nothing of. To end the hours of mediocrity - to find a place to stop in the flow of time... and yet they fear it. There are other things one should fear more.
k
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True darker sense of the work 'immortality'. Like unto an eternal bloodletting in offer of your soul to the Dark Lord.
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Yes, everything comes with a price and immortality feeding upon the mortality of others. In order to live, others die in our stead. It is a double-edged sword.
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*nods....thinking*
I shall have to ponder on this further....for even immortality is double-edged. There is the darkside...and there is the light. Which side...would truely sustain your life...
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ohhhhh so true 
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Oh yes? Different how?
I confess I am not quite a typical being. 
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hehehehe yeppers thats cause im stalking you
I dont know? 
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Stalking me? Ah, so you're the shadow I keep seeing from the corner of my eye.
Much better you than somebody else.
Complex and entertaining. . . I can certainly live with those particular adjectives.
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yes
oh i wills ^^ if there is anyway you can improve
mkay
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Thank you kindly. . . it is Jazz, right? Or, do you have another preferred name?
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yeh jazz it is peter ^^ hehehe
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I will be certain to spread the word of your exquisite taste in format. This is simply brillant, divine. Bravo!
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Thank you. I appreciate your kind compliment and the favorite.
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You are most certainly very welcome.
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One critique: I do not have my Chicago Manual of Style nearby, but I do think the line "reliving the evening you lied there" should be "reliving the evening you lay there".
As to the emotion and the theme: Bravo! Words of warning from one who knows. "Beware what you wish for" as they say. Indeed.
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Lay and lie always confound me. Is lay the action of placing something down and lie the repose of being supine, etc.? Or do I have them confused?
Am glad you caught the warning endemic in the piece. Twas what I set out to accomplish. Thank you kindly for the compliment and your assistance.
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Consider me confounded too. I always have to look it up... and me without my Chicago Manual right now. Bob Dillon only makes it worse with his "Lay, lady, lay." Is he asking her to put that TV dinner down on his bedside table or her more delicious favors on the bed itself? Who the heck knows?
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*chuckles* I appreciate your bringing it to mind just the same. Perhaps I can locate an article on the Internet.
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:mutters to herself: "Remember to grab the orange manual... remember to grab the orange manual..."
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