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peterdawes — Last Thoughts by-nc-nd
Published: 2009-07-01 16:05:51 +0000 UTC; Views: 665; Favourites: 20; Downloads: 14
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Description The clock continued ticking on the stand beside my chair.

I stole occasional glances at it, wondering how in the world something so subtle could sound so loud all of a sudden. As though a microphone had been placed beside it with a wire running directly into my cerebral cortex, its amplifier keyed up to eleven. A sardonic chuckle punctuated the thought. Here I was wise cracking at a time like this with irrelevant pop culture references.

A short glance stolen around the room from my position confirmed just how alone I was. At least a few minutes ago there were shoes scuffing against hardwood flooring and the drone of voices in the distance, sparing me an occasional laugh as they looked at where I sat. I smiled back as much as possible, past the busted lip and the black eye. The action inspired a wave of pain, so I only did it twice while other pop culture references flew headlong into my mind.

Such as every movie I had ever watched featuring some fellow in peril who managed to get out. Like James Bond. Or MacGyver. Yes, why couldn’t I be MacGyver? I’d find a way to reach a switchblade buried inside my pocket and use that to cut through the cords. Then I would dive out of the window in the nick of time and look back at the burning building with an expression of sheer relief. Next week I’d use a foil chewing gum wrapper to demagnetize something, or pick a lock using a paper clip.

Another sardonic chuckle. Followed by a moan. My face had to be a mess of bruises by now, but who would be able to tell the difference shortly?

My eyes shifted back to the clock and its eerie finality; its steady rhythm. Uninterrupted. The hands both cold harbingers of doom. The bomb smiling at me while I could only watch, hands bound behind me, and legs tied to the chair. I looked around again, wishing there was somebody to taunt as there had been a few moments ago.

Instead, there was only me and the sound of inevitability. And my name wasn’t Mr. Anderson.
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Comments: 12

Kira73 [2009-07-12 15:54:11 +0000 UTC]

Overall

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The clock continued ticking on the [BED?]stand beside my chair.

I stole occasional glances at it, wondering how in the world something so subtle could [SUDDENLY...an adverb, yeah, but this makes the sentence flow much smoother than 'all of a sudden.'] sound so loud [DELETE...WORDY...all of a sudden]. As though a microphone had been placed beside it with a wire running directly into my cerebral cortex, its amplifier keyed up to eleven.[NICE!]

[NEW PARAGRAPH]A sardonic chuckle punctuated the thought. Here I was[, MAKING WISE CRACKS] [DELwise cracking] at a time like this with irrelevant pop culture references.

A short glance [DELstolen] around the room [DEL...WE CAN ASSUME THE GLANCE IS FROM THE NARRATOR'S POSITION...from my position] confirmed just how alone I was. [DELAt least] a few minutes ago there were shoes scuffing against hardwood flooring and the drone of voices in the distance, sparing me an occasional laugh as they looked at where I sat. I smiled back as much as possible, past the busted lip and the black eye. The action inspired a wave of pain, so [I only did it twice...BUT EARLIER YOU SAID AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE?] while other pop culture references flew headlong into my mind.

Such as every movie I['D] [DELhad] ever watched featuring some fellow in peril who [BARELY MANAGES TO GET OUT ALIVE.][DELmanaged to get out.] Like James Bond. Or MacGyver. Yes, why couldn’t I be MacGyver?[LOVE THAT GUY] I’d find a way to reach a switchblade buried inside my pocket and use that to cut through the cords. Then I['D] [DELwould] dive out [DELof] the window in the nick of time and look back at the burning building with an expression of sheer relief.['COOL GUYS DON'T LOOK AT EXPLOSIONS'...e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s… " width="29" height="20" alt="" title="Singing" />... [link] Next week I’d use a foil chewing gum wrapper to demagnetize something, or pick a lock using a paper clip.

Another sardonic chuckle[THIS PERIOD IS MOCKING ME FOR SOME REASON .] Followed by a moan. My face had to be a mess of bruises by now, but who['D] [DELwould] be able to tell the difference shortly?

My eyes shifted back to the clock and its eerie finality[THAT'S BECAUSE THE PERIOD WAS LOST. HE WANTED TO BE HERE INSTEAD ->.][DEL;] its steady rhythm[, OR --][DEL.] Uninterrupted. The hands both cold harbingers of doom. The bomb smiling at me while I could only watch[OOO!], hands bound behind me, and legs tied to the chair. I looked around again, wishing [DELthere was] somebody [WAS HERE] to taunt [ME] as there had been a few moments ago.

Instead, there was only me and the sound of inevitability. And my name wasn’t Mr. Anderson.

~~~

Poor Mr. Not-Anderson...

Not much to crit. Just suggestions on how to tighten this up a little more.

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katarthis [2009-11-03 18:34:12 +0000 UTC]

Ow! A sad and tragic ending, or a sharp yank into a real thriller where "everyman" is brought into a situation far from ordinary. This would be a great lead into how a bank teller goes from mundane to nightmare and beyond. Nice quick read that has me wanting more.

k

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LunaticStar [2009-07-14 18:44:54 +0000 UTC]

It's like Flynn meets Casino Royale meets umm....chocolate cake.

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SheiroQ [2009-07-11 16:16:31 +0000 UTC]

This one made me laugh. Does that make me a terrible person? (As if I care *snickers*.)
*humming* "Stuck in the middle with yoouu..."
Great job as always, dear Poet.

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nighthawk81 [2009-07-06 09:08:38 +0000 UTC]

An interesting image, Peter ... and practically ANYWHERE to take it.

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PhantomThiefVier [2009-07-03 11:05:37 +0000 UTC]

poor mr. not-anderson. no deus-ex-machina for him. XD

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Malandante [2009-07-02 08:09:36 +0000 UTC]

This is an amazing short story, very well done.

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KneelingGlory [2009-07-02 01:37:14 +0000 UTC]

MacGyver ftw! That was a lot of fun to read.

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YouInventedMe [2009-07-01 21:01:24 +0000 UTC]

great ending

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ShadowedAcolyte [2009-07-01 19:37:20 +0000 UTC]

Nice. Spinal Tap ftw. An excellently described scene--and I'm glad you didn't have it actually go off at the end, or finish with "3..2..1.." or something. It's better the way you have it, open.

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Echostar08 [2009-07-01 19:16:21 +0000 UTC]

A 5 minute dramatic and danger-filled adventure. I especially like the ending *snickers*

I thoroughly enjoyed this!

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Guitar-Child [2009-07-01 18:54:27 +0000 UTC]

We all have an unhealthy obsession over something, now don't we? You're just happens to be a movie Just be thankfull you have a normal one. Mine is a bit more... out of the ordinary XD

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