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peterdawes — My Own Worst Enemy by-nc-nd
Published: 2008-10-17 00:53:06 +0000 UTC; Views: 807; Favourites: 10; Downloads: 14
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Description “Hello, Peter. How are you this evening?”

I lower my hands from the keyboard the moment I hear him. He starts as a shiver up my spine, but then becomes a voice and the voice echoes only to gain strength the longer it reverberates. I shut my eyes and lean back in my chair, rolling my head around once, slowly, as though attempting to work out a kink in my shoulders.

My failure to respond does not deter him.

“We go through this every evening,” he says. “Every evening I ask you the same questions and you offer the same responses. Back and forth until you relent. Wouldn’t you like to be spared the argument tonight?”

“I would like it,” I finally say, “If you would leave me the hell alone.”

“I am afraid that is not possible.” Two hands rest on my shoulders. Psychosomatic? Heaven only knows. “You and I go back too far for me to simply leave you be.”

“I do not have to listen.”

“Oh yes, yes you do. You see, Peter, you have nowhere to run and never have. You never will. I was there the first moment you tasted blood and have been there ever since. Speaking of which...” He leans closer. His breath hits my ear, teasing it with its warmth. “Aren’t you feeling a trifle peckish tonight?”

I jump and slide my chair out, uncertain if apparitions can be knocked off balance, wishing they could as I come to my feet. As I spin around, I expect to see him there, staring at me with those emerald-green eyes which resemble mine far too well. Nobody stands behind me, though. I should have known better than to expect to see him standing there.

Especially when I feel his fingers slide from shoulder blade to shoulder blade.

I shiver.again. He chuckles as my lids drift shut once more. “Where exactly are you going to go?” he asks. “Run? I dare you. Take flight? Come now, and try to escape me, but you know damn well you cannot. I thought we had an agreement. You and I, one at last. Isn’t that what we agreed?”

“I do not want to do this,” I mutter.

“Oh yes, you do. Do not kid a kidder, sir, you wish to do this and more. This is why we have this discussion. You know what you are and you know what I am. You know this voice that speaks into your ear is only speaking the innermost desires of your heart. I love the same as you. I loathe the same as well. We hold the same things captive and the same things in esteem, only I take it one step further and I confess those dark things you are not willing to confess.”

“Stop it right now, F - ...”

“You stop it. Quit trying to give me a name. We both know how useless that was. You would shudder at night anyway, feeling those urges intrude on you, calling into your ear much the same as I am speaking to you right now. Don’t deny it. Cease trying to form a dichotomy again.” He stops talking, but does not step away. Instead it seems he grows closer. He looms larger. He overshadows me and that decadent craving he alluded to starts making its presence known within me.

I groan against it, but find myself waging a losing battle. He knows it, too.

“What do you want, Peter?” he whispers.

“Blood,” I say. The word runs from my lips and down my chin in rivulets of crimson. I think of that one vice I cannot live without and it infects my thoughts much the same as it does every night. I need it. I crave it. I cannot live without it. “I want blood.”

He smiles. I do not have to see it to feel its sadistic warmth radiate on me. “Is that all?” he asks.

I swallow hard. Why does my throat suddenly feel so dry? “No.”

“What else?”

“Fear.” I smile despite myself. A sinister grin. “I want them to be afraid.”

“Of what?”

I lose control of my tongue as it continues spilling out the darkness inside my soul. “Of me. I want to make them shudder. Make them quake. I want them to look me in the eyes and see their worst nightmare come to life. Sharp teeth exposed and murder in my eyes. I feed from it. I crave it. I need them all to be afraid.”

“Yes, and that they should be. They do not know what they trifle with, yes?”

“The devil.”

“The devil come for their souls.” I close my eyes. He circles around me; I see an image in my mind of him pacing around me in a thoughtful repose, as though sizing up his protégé. “Come for whose souls now, dark assassin? Tell me. Tell yourself. Their fear tastes that much sweeter, does it not?”

I nod despite myself. “Yes, it does. We come for the killers. The wicked in disguise. I want to punish them.”

“Punish them for what?”

“For all their evil deeds.”

“Yes. To hear them scream. To feel their terror rage through you like a thousand volts of pleasure as you pierce their skin and sink your teeth into their neck.” A pause. The hair on the back of my neck stands aloft. My skin prickles. “Now tell me, evil angel ... What are you?”

My voice becomes a whisper. “I am a vampire.”

“What are you?” The question fired in a rapid manner.

I answer just as quickly. “A killer.”

He delivers the final blow. “And who am I?”

I open my eyes and think it. My lips speak the truth, no longer able to deny it. “You are me,” I say, and in that moment, my darkness ceases to be a separate entity. Poison in my veins again; I take a deep, steadying breath and sense the night calling to me, the pulse of humanity beating with a siren song that lures me out onto the patio and forces my eyes to focus on the city before me. My ears tune themselves to the sinners of the metropolis. My senses catch their scent and the taste already drips liquid temptation past the pointed teeth and onto the tip of my tongue. I have this fight with myself every night; with the darker side to my immortal psyche.

But he’s right. I’m right. The hunger always wins in the end.
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Comments: 42

Hawk-619 [2011-12-24 03:16:31 +0000 UTC]

"They do not know what they trifle with, yes?" Now that is a sexy moment. I don't know why I havent read this one before... It's a piece of sugar.

You're making me so happy lately!

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peterdawes In reply to Hawk-619 [2012-01-03 17:36:21 +0000 UTC]

*laughs* i am more than happy to oblige, my dear. thank you for reading my work.

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Hawk-619 In reply to peterdawes [2012-01-04 02:59:49 +0000 UTC]

Thanks to you for taking the time to respond my comments. It's really apreciated.

My bests for the new year.

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ArjetLuna [2008-10-28 02:32:12 +0000 UTC]

My god peter, this is absolutely stunning. crazy, but stunning. I'd love to see more of this. But like Cassie said, I wouldn't want you to lose control... at least, not when I'm away.

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TheRedHunter [2008-10-20 21:59:36 +0000 UTC]

Bad, bad vampire. You're charming, I'll give you that. And I hope your control holds out. I wouldn't want to have to hunt such a talented writer down.

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peterdawes In reply to TheRedHunter [2008-10-20 22:56:01 +0000 UTC]

*slow, sinister smile* ah, dear, i am always on my best behavior. never you worry.

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TheRedHunter In reply to peterdawes [2008-10-21 02:15:03 +0000 UTC]

It's my job to worry. *wink* But I'll hold you to it.

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Sereda [2008-10-19 13:11:13 +0000 UTC]

Hmm, have I arrived here after a little editing has taken place? I see you've had lots of suggestions.
Anyway, I enjoyed this very much. I wasn't bothered by the pacing and I didn't have a problem in not having everything spelt out. For me, it worked very nicely indeed.

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ikkuma [2008-10-18 16:24:27 +0000 UTC]

well done. i got chills
heheh, watch youself, peter. we don't want you going crazy.

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Ferelwing [2008-10-18 02:35:28 +0000 UTC]

Well written. I liked the internal argument. Quite intriguing.

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MermaidMia [2008-10-17 20:34:14 +0000 UTC]

To be honest. I have issues with this piece. It moves too fast, and is much too obvious. He doesn't give any sense of why he wants blood....why he doesn't want to want it... The sinners? What kind of sinners? What have they done to be considered sinners besides the fact that they're immortal? I don't understand.

This piece could be amazingly powerful if you had put more time into it. It's much too rushed. Your writing voice is very weak. You need to learn to make it more personable, more relateable. When something is relateable, that is when it's more powerful. What is he thinking when this person is speaking to him? What are some examples of him trying to avoid it? It just needs more meat. It has potential, but it's like the milk that babies are given before they are old enough to eat meat.

And the last line....isn't necessary as it's your title. It's awkward and not necessary.

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peterdawes In reply to MermaidMia [2008-10-17 20:38:12 +0000 UTC]

thank you very kindly for being so honest.
yes, perhaps a bit rushed. i did not intend for it to be too long, so i truncated it into a conversation vignette rather than weaving too intricate a tale around it. in the process, though, i may have sacrificed much in the way of quality. i appreciate you taking the time to offer your thoughts.

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MermaidMia In reply to peterdawes [2008-10-17 20:44:11 +0000 UTC]

Not a problem. The thing that bothers me about writers is that they get excited about one piece, and then rush through it. You can make something shorter, but give it the details you need. Answering any one of my questions would have made the quality at least 75% better. Do you get what I mean?

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peterdawes In reply to MermaidMia [2008-10-17 20:45:38 +0000 UTC]

yes, completely. i shall definitely keep that in mind.

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MermaidMia In reply to peterdawes [2008-10-17 20:47:50 +0000 UTC]

Please, don't take my thoughts too...personally offensive. The idea was good. That the vampire doesn't want to be what he is. The idea can be associated with so many other things....alcohol, drugs, ciggerettes. The theme is absolutely clever, and I did enjoy that. I would really appreciate it so much more if you gave it more idea.

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peterdawes In reply to MermaidMia [2008-10-17 20:51:04 +0000 UTC]

*nods* oh, i do not take any offense to your words. this being an exercise means i realize it will be flawed as it only had a small objective as its goal. be that as it may, i need to know the areas where it is lacking. i appreciate you doing that for me.
i attempt to unpack the concept a bit more in my novels, so i take it for granted that others only reading this piece in isolation do not have all of my thoughts placed before them. a common malady us writers suffer. we expect the lot of you to be psychic.

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MermaidMia In reply to peterdawes [2008-10-17 21:01:20 +0000 UTC]

Trust me I know how that goes. And you feel so stupid every time! Course...you can't help but think, what's wrong with you! The answer's right in front of you! Seriously! I wrote this piece about isolation...kind of. Anyways, my creative writing professor looked at it and said..."Wait, is it a guy or a girl speaking?" Personally, I thought it sounded like a guy, but I was wrong..so I had to add to it.

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peterdawes In reply to MermaidMia [2008-10-17 21:04:39 +0000 UTC]

oh yes, it never fails there is some detail we took for granted. something that was so crystal clear within our minds that we swore it should have bled onto the page, but as it would turn out... did not.
a good friend of mine once said, there is no good writing, only good rewriting. i have found this to be the case on many occasions.

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MermaidMia In reply to peterdawes [2008-10-17 21:18:23 +0000 UTC]

Hahaha. No kidding. Ugh. I've been working on this piece for four years. AND I'M STILL NOT INTO THE GOOD PART!! It's just hard to get the good stuff!

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Kathryn-777 [2008-10-17 03:25:23 +0000 UTC]

It certainly puts things in perspective...there is one thing I'm wondering....and perhaps I'm splitting hairs....Punish the Wicked....aren't we all wicked to varying degrees? What level has to be attained for the Killer to strike? That is what has jumped out the most. Very well written

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peterdawes In reply to Kathryn-777 [2008-10-17 20:41:50 +0000 UTC]

yes, we are all sinners in some manner.
those of us who balance a need to kill with the desire not to murder wantonly usually make more heinous crimes the dividing line. i did not have chance to totally unpack that notion here, though, as i tried to keep it brief.

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LeonieSainteVire [2008-10-17 02:47:53 +0000 UTC]

The ultimate dichotomy...and distraction.

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peterdawes In reply to LeonieSainteVire [2008-10-17 20:42:18 +0000 UTC]

far too much of a distraction some nights.
how have you been, dear leonie?

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LeonieSainteVire In reply to peterdawes [2008-10-18 03:48:18 +0000 UTC]

I have been indulging myself...with decadent distractions.::soft smile::

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peterdawes In reply to LeonieSainteVire [2008-10-19 15:52:38 +0000 UTC]

decadent distractions are always the best kind.

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frisca-freak [2008-10-17 02:24:04 +0000 UTC]

that is amazing! hair raising and familiar, but thats what makes it great!

...flynn giving yourself a hard time?

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peterdawes In reply to frisca-freak [2008-10-17 20:42:55 +0000 UTC]

my dark side rarely ceases giving me a hard time.
thank you very kindly, dear.

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sarraphine [2008-10-17 02:00:08 +0000 UTC]

Nicely written... :applause:

You are a brave soul. I keep my sadistic bunny (Alexis) at a ten foot distance, but Simon (or Marcus depending on what century) I don't mind to step into his shoes every now and again.

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peterdawes In reply to sarraphine [2008-10-17 20:44:29 +0000 UTC]

thank you very much, dear.
yes, be very careful how close you trod to the sadists in your realm. contrary to popular belief, we do not need to drain you dry to kill you. three or four pints will do the trick.

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sarraphine In reply to peterdawes [2008-10-17 21:06:24 +0000 UTC]

Ah, but then you'd cease to exhist...

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peterdawes In reply to sarraphine [2008-10-17 21:10:36 +0000 UTC]

technicalities.

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sarraphine In reply to peterdawes [2008-10-17 21:23:54 +0000 UTC]

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Malandante [2008-10-17 01:23:48 +0000 UTC]

Amazingly written.

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peterdawes In reply to Malandante [2008-10-17 20:44:39 +0000 UTC]

thank you, dear.

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Malandante In reply to peterdawes [2008-10-17 21:16:03 +0000 UTC]

My pleasure.

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Obsidian-Siren [2008-10-17 01:09:49 +0000 UTC]

*growls* How deliciously decadant my darling.... Hmm - you have this argument with yourself everynight? How did I miss this? Wonderfully put, darling.

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peterdawes In reply to Obsidian-Siren [2008-10-17 01:15:37 +0000 UTC]

it is not always so... personified. *grins* and not always such a struggle.
and then... there are those evenings when... *leans close, placing gentle, taunting kisses onto your neck* ... other cravings capture my attention first.

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Obsidian-Siren In reply to peterdawes [2008-10-17 01:24:42 +0000 UTC]

*Hmm* Other cravings? Oh darling, please do tell. Pen the words of your deepest cravings so that I might know what they are.

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peterdawes In reply to Obsidian-Siren [2008-10-17 01:30:38 +0000 UTC]

*lips touch your ear as my voice lowers to a whisper* beloved goddess, i could pen a mountain of words over those cravings. and when i was done, i could show them all to you.

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Obsidian-Siren In reply to peterdawes [2008-10-17 01:38:22 +0000 UTC]

Sit back, close your eyes and let your cravings take flight in words. Let them soar above the computer screen, only to finally land on the page in sentences of sensual sonnet.

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peterdawes In reply to Obsidian-Siren [2008-10-17 20:47:29 +0000 UTC]

mmm... each time i sit back and close my eyes, the images my mind meets with involve you, your silken skin, and smears of red across your flawless canvas.

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Obsidian-Siren In reply to peterdawes [2008-10-19 06:40:20 +0000 UTC]

*purrs*

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