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peterdawes — Romantic Haiku
by-nc-nd
Published: 2008-03-13 11:27:36 +0000 UTC; Views: 632; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 3
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Description
1. smoke rings in the darkdissipate and then vanish
night steals her presence
2. present temptation
phone call placed from miles away
to send you flowers
3. flowers in full bloom
petals substitute for kisses
saying i love you
4. you capture the stars
wearing them within your eyes
celestial jewelry
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Comments: 46
well, i'm noticing the *clearing my throat* almost desperate yearning you've got for 'her.' am i the only one that doesn't see a problem with the flower sending and the phone calls and stuff??
dude, just suck it up and call her.
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If only I could, my dear. I would. Within a breath and a heartbeat.
Until then, I'm afraid you all are stuck with me.
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pfft, like that's a hardship.
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You are a darling for saying as such.
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I'm glad you resisted the temptation. The pain for both the sender and the recipient would have been unbearable.
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I had failed to take stock of the pain for recipient. Sometimes I wonder.
Does she truly think of me as well?
Or worse.
Does she believe I don't think of her?
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Of course she does. Have you received any mysterious calls? Hang ups? Unsigned cards? Probably not her way. Oh lord, I hope you are wrong about the other.
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She wouldn't know how to call me.
Premonitions, though. I receive quite a few of those. Hard to tell with those if they're a product of my imagination or not.
I hope not as well.
Alas, then we have the temptation of anonymous flowers. Not to cause her pain, but to cause her to wonder. . . for one moment. . .
. . . is he thinking of me?
What a game we play.
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Has it occured to you that she might look for the poet on a web site such as this? Or perhaps have built her own page in the hopes of attracting you? Games can take many forms.
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Damn, I can only hope she sees this.
She wouldn't do it herself. Too many repercussions.
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Lord, another puzzling statement that makes me eager for more of the series. "Repercussions"? Who or what is holding her back?
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A blue-eyed girl and a blue-eyed boy.
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Sounds like she stumbled into The Guild. You're only making it worse for me, you know.
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The Guild and the Order seem to have much in common.
Nobody is ready to demand such a thing happen yet. However, they are more than willing to take advantage of opportunity.
The apples don't fall far from the orchard.
They might not be the blue-eyed boy and blue-eyed girl any longer, for all I know.
If there are other reasons, I am not aware of them. Perhaps, because her husband was a bastard, too.
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Stop! Stop! Too many clues. And too little reading material to help me fill in the blanks!
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My apologies.
The mouth prattles on and the off switch becomes stuck. However, you now know better than most now where I find myself.
On that note. . . I shall behave.
Mostly.
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Uh-huh, and you have swamp land to sell me in Florida too I'll bet.
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Hmm... no, none of that.
Perhaps a bridge in New York?
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Oh yeah, which one? And how much? (See. Gullible.)
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Perhaps the Ben Franklin Bridge in Philadelphia would have been more apropos. I'm a bit closer to that one.
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Oooo... can I have it? Pretty please?
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It's all yours. With a pretty bow fastened to it.
The mayor might balk a bit at handing it over, though.
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Always interfering with the affairs of men and immortals.
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1. Trying to hide my scholar cap, but it's not working. It's not common to use "like" in haiku. I like the poem a lot, but I'd change the last line to "Dusk comes without her," or something, a concrete image that compels us to compare her to smoke rings, if you get what I mean? D:
Yes I'm reading the big classical poetry book again :<
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The insight is appreciated. Will keep that in mind now, and adjust that line.
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I'm glad. 
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Any better? Or have I lost the comparison?
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A ton! I was just thinking and its too bad "Evaporates" takes up 4 of the 5 spaces! But the last line changes the feeling of the whole thing in a way I like. Like the action of sitting and smoking is not just pining for a lost love, but letting her fade away, though of course the sadness remains.
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Very good. Thank you for your assistance.
Have encountered several instances where multi-syllabled words have forced me to backtrack. When they fit, though, I enjoy it. Accentuates the minimalistic feel of the haiku.
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Not at all. I'm looking to improve.
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2) ...would it ever ...could it ever... be truly anonymous?
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That is a very good question, my dear.
A dozen deep red roses? Not on your life. She'd know in a heartbeat.
Something else? Could trip her up.
But the heart always knows, doesn't it?
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A single sunflower? Still, she would sense it was you. No question.
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Drat.
I like the notion of scarlet lilies now after reading Lindsay's poem. 
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Not a chance. You have to know you are in her thoughts as much as she is in yours. Would you know who sent you flowers, even without a card?
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Hrm. . .
You have a point.
Of course, if that happened. . . I'd not be able to sit still. I'd be stepping onto a plane within hours. She does not have that luxury.
I see now what you mean about pain.
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Now I DO regret not having TVFIII. I wonder what would keep her there away from you.
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Ah, I taunt you again. My apologies.
III. . . wow. Years ago. Happier times. Which is a statement saturated with irony.
So much happened then. So much has happened since then.
My poetic flare erupted a bit around the story you're currently reading.
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I eagerly await my next taste of Flynn lit. Complete with irony, happiness, pain and poetic longing.
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Hopefully, I do not disappoint.
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