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peterdawes — The Sound of Solitary Souls
by-nc-nd
Published: 2008-03-31 13:30:59 +0000 UTC; Views: 343; Favourites: 7; Downloads: 4
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Description
a lonely heartonly echoes
the sentiment
it no longer has
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Comments: 21
Simple but powerful.
I like the way it sounds almost like a proverb. You sound distant and impersonal yet it's close and personal.
(This sentence makes no sense... 
Damn...I hope you understand what I'm trying to say because I'm having trouble writing coherently today (lack of sleep takin it's toll I suppose 
If I manage to find my brain in the near future I might elaborate on this...
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It is almost a proverb, isn't it? I hadn't thought of it in that manner before.
By all means, elaborate away when the spirit moves. Believe it or not, I understood what you meant. Immersed in it and yet examining it as a spectator. Am I right?
Get some rest, dear Morgane.
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The tone you wrote this is that of a proverb, universal, impersonal and distant, yet you mellowed these characteristics.
The choice of words itself is not completely impersonal. It sounds as though you tried to distance yourself from what you wrote, but you still had to leave a connection to your personal feelings.
The odd structure also indicates it's more than a proverb, it gives a touch of yourself and as *denlm said it looks like a heartbeat.
To add to this there's also the lack of capitalisation.
On one hand it makes it informal, on the other it shows the focus is not put on any specific concept within the poem, but the poem itself, which puts you closer to the proverb again.
I'd say you reached a middle ground between yourself and the others. Your poem is so simple and so universal anyone could get it, yet it has a touch of you.
Good work, Peter.
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Thank you, Morgane. I actually appreciate the elaboration a great deal. I have many tell me they enjoy my work, but as I seek to hone in on what I do well/do not so well, I have a shallow pond to tap. I struggle with the urge to dive into these poems on a very personal level, as many of my other works suggest. But it is hard to conjure a concept for me without emotion bleeding through. This must be one of those rare moments I inhabited the middle ground.
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You're welcome. I think emotion is what gives birth to poetry in the first place. The only difference between this and the rest of your poems is the wider horizon of it as opposed to some of your poems which keep us in the confines of your own experience.
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Understood. It is hard for me to divorce myself from the kaleidoscope of personal experience without losing the impact. But I am working on a happy medium.
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So simple..Yet so very powerful..I am not sure I could capture what you have in such a few lines.. Lovely work again my dear...
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Normally, it takes me far more lines with which to capture it myself. The minimalist pieces are special treats when they come to mind.
Thank you kindly for the favorite, dear.
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I too loved the deep sentiment tucked into such a tiny package. I also loved the way you formatted the lines. Like a heart beating back and forth.
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Why thank you, Denise. Typography has been a bit of a dalliance. Have not perfected it, but it is fun to play with just the same.
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I have to agree.. it's hard to express so well in such few words, but you did it wonderfully.
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Thank you kindly. 
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No, it's definitely not too abstract.
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Thank you kindly for the favorite.
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