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peterdawes β Urban Musings, In Short
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Published: 2008-12-09 17:50:46 +0000 UTC; Views: 587; Favourites: 14; Downloads: 7
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Description
ambulance sirensthe birdsong
of the city
christmas chorale
car horns in a shopping
mall parking lot
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Comments: 28
I dont understand how u get so many people to read your poem even though it is incomplete and ... what hundred people give you feed back as well ! what should I do to get feedback ?
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they are not incomplete. think of each as micro poems and this as a place to collect these micro poems. it is an eastern form, called a senryu. structured much like a haiku, only with a different focus.
i may pen a few more for this, however. i do agree, i wish i had more than two to offer.
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I cant wait to read more
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the jangling bells ring
feed the poor, donate to kids
guilty shoppers pass
Senryu response for you.
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This is really good. Even with so little words your prowess comes across strongly.
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you are too kind to me, dear. thank you.
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even with all those
i hear car horns more often
than ambulance wails
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yes, i hear quite a bit of that, too.
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ah, so very very true...
kinda comforting though...in an odd way.
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i do not find it irritating so much as i find it...
... part of home.
of course, there are days when my opinion of its beauty changes drastically.
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mmm
well, coming froma small town and moving to the city, I guess somewhere in the back of my mind I still long for birdsong.
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It is sad that it is so true, but we need them to do their job.
Very nice piece
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quite so!
and thank you kindly, dear.
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You are most welcome!
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Crows, maybe. I live next to a hospital - drives me mad.
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crows, indeed. *chuckles*
i live on what must be the ambulance's favored path to the hospital. hear them all the bloody time.
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Senryu is best described as comic poetry. It takes its roots from a style of haiku that was considered 'light' haiku. Like lighter subjects. But anywho, we all know the best forms of comedy are the ones that play off of human nature, and are funny because they have some truth in it, hence senryu sometimes being labled as an orange when haiku's an apple, ya know?
So of course I whipped out ye olde classical poetry book and am gonna find a frickin' hilarious one for you.
Ah, there's pleanty of space here,
there's pleanty of space here:
Upstream just a bit,
I take a pee, whiel someone else
is doing ablutions!
Overtly humerous. There are a few potty joke ones.
"Are they blossoms
or clouds on that mountain ridge?"
I fight with myself -
till the sun intervenes
to settle the argument!
This one seems like its about nature, yeah. Blossoms and sun, right? But they're being personified to take on human qualities, hence it not being a haiku/tanka.
So there you go a few different sides of senryu.
And haijin means loser gamer who levels up so fast in games, he must be a cripple in real life. >.>
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i knew i could count on you.
i have seen "haijin" used around here as a term for a haiku poet. here also: [link]
very amusing to know its gaming definition. especially in light of what dA addicts some of us are.
have not forgotten the note.
running around like a chicken with my head cut off.
which, would render me to dust, but still...
... you know what i mean.
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Ok see I used my definition of haijin and looked it up in urbandictionary too. xD I forgot it was sort of a real word too, not just gamer slang.
And feel free to get your ducks in a row. You still have many a day to note me.
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