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Description

Emotions have been running high since the end of September. From the passing of my eldest cat, Jaden Yuki, to Rodney breaking his neck in the same week and then later being invaded by COVID. The above art reflects my current feelings, but also shows the emotional support that is being unreceived in real life. How I have held it together with all that has happened is beyond me?! I usually would have crumbled like a house of cards by now.

For now, let's not get into Rodney's accident and recovery. Instead, there will be some venting in regards to a 16 year long mentally abusive relationship that I am still dealing with. As a courtesy, a fair warning is being given. The last thing I want to do is bring back possible triggering memories for those who may read this.

Yes, 16 years is a long time to be with someone. At one point, I did treasure him, but that love has long since left. Rodney tends to be sexually aggressive and very controlling. If he doesn't get his way, Rodney either threatens to throw my ass out of the house or calls me a whore in fierce anger. I rightfully deserve to be loved and treated with mutual respect by my partner. Not to be called such words and accused of false truths. Heck, just the other night I was instantly left in tears at my PC after one of Rodney's "nasty outbursts." So much of myself has been given in this relationship, but I just can't do it anymore...

Why stick around for so long? Maybe it is because I'm completely naive?! My mental illness naturally makes me a creature of familiar routine and habit. Not only that, but Rodney is a traumatic brain injury survivor. *No Rodney's behavior is not the result of his brain injury, his Dad shares similar traits!* His parents don't want to have to take care of him, threatening to place Rodney in a nursing home if I voluntarily leave. No one rightfully deserves such a dreadful fate to befall them. There is a logical possibility that it isn't stupidity, but just being too kind hearted for why I have not left?

One thing that has helped my sanity over the past 5 years is a certain Outlaw Rogue by the name of Sneaky Pete. He has become a familiar source of comfort; it's honestly hard to accurately describe. What is known is I've forged a deep emotional bond to him, which my art clearly reflects at times. If and when I get out of this situation, plans will be made to splurge on receiving a tattoo of Pete.

Possible plans are being made for me to get out of here, sadly this will take time and necessary money. I'm just hoping to be able to continue to weather the emotional storm in the meantime, however my personal strength is indeed dwindling.

Description

Emotions have been running high since the end of September. From the passing of my eldest cat, Jaden Yuki, to Rodney breaking his neck in the same week and then later being invaded by COVID. The above art reflects my current feelings, but also shows the emotional support that is being unreceived in real life. How I have held it together with all that has happened is beyond me?! I usually would have crumbled like a house of cards by now.

For now, let's not get into Rodney's accident and recovery. Instead, there will be some venting in regards to a 16 year long mentally abusive relationship that I am still dealing with. As a courtesy, a fair warning is being given. The last thing I want to do is bring back possible triggering memories for those who may read this.

Yes, 16 years is a long time to be with someone. At one point, I did treasure him, but that love has long since left. Rodney tends to be sexually aggressive and very controlling. If he doesn't get his way, Rodney either threatens to throw my ass out of the house or calls me a whore in fierce anger. I rightfully deserve to be loved and treated with mutual respect by my partner. Not to be called such words and accused of false truths. Heck, just the other night I was instantly left in tears at my PC after one of Rodney's "nasty outbursts." So much of myself has been given in this relationship, but I just can't do it anymore...

Why stick around for so long? Maybe it is because I'm completely naive?! My mental illness naturally makes me a creature of familiar routine and habit. Not only that, but Rodney is a traumatic brain injury survivor. *No Rodney's behavior is not the result of his brain injury, his Dad shares similar traits!* His parents don't want to have to take care of him, threatening to place Rodney in a nursing home if I voluntarily leave. No one rightfully deserves such a dreadful fate to befall them. There is a logical possibility that it isn't stupidity, but just being too kind hearted for why I have not left?

One thing that has helped my sanity over the past 5 years is a certain Outlaw Rogue by the name of Sneaky Pete. He has become a familiar source of comfort; it's honestly hard to accurately describe. What is known is I've forged a deep emotional bond to him, which my art clearly reflects at times. If and when I get out of this situation, plans will be made to splurge on receiving a tattoo of Pete.

Possible plans are being made for me to get out of here, sadly this will take time and necessary money. I'm just hoping to be able to continue to weather the emotional storm in the meantime, however my personal strength is indeed dwindling.