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Pluia — argument
Published: 2007-03-28 02:24:59 +0000 UTC; Views: 2417; Favourites: 49; Downloads: 28
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Description
The last time I spoke with you, it was like breathing underwater. My lungs were filling up, so that thin words kept swimming out of my mouth and I coughed up phrases that didn't make sense. Every speck of twisted logic you managed to shout suddenly fit, and I found myself wondering if you had been right all along. It was too bright. You were too loud. I didn't know what to say, and the fish were swimming all around me and brushing my shivery arms and my skirt was floating and freezing my bare legs. My hair was seaweed. My tongue was salt. I was not as pretty as a mermaid.I'm not sure how, but underwater you were the most sensible person alive or dead. Your arguments, usually ridiculous, rang strong and true and made me look like a stupid foolish little child. My retorts were sloppy and ill-rehearsed and I am supposed to be the girl who's good with words? I backtrack and I trip and I am facedown breathing salt water and feeling the eyes of goldfish on my back, so much more welcome than yours.
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Comments: 40
I like the concept. You really portrayed what an indepth argument feels like. I normally feel that way if I'm losing said argument.
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I love this.
So much.
Truly, truly excellent work.
I'm kind of in awe, actually.
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wow the symbolism really brings this all to life. . . nice work! i've felt like this so many times, and you just described it perfectly. brilliant
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I really liked it! the first paragraph is slightly smoother than the last one. I like the metaphor but try to smoothe out the end
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Very nice. It's nice to see poetic metaphor and imagery used well in prose-ish pieces. Well deserved feature, both times.
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Spellbinding.
"I was not as pretty as a mermaid."
Perfect, evocative line.
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oooh
i very much like " I was not as pretty as a mermaid."
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Wow - I can't believe I didn't comment on this before! I remember seeing it in Unknown Artists and thinking it was really good, but apparently I didn't comment then. 
Anyway, I'm a huge fan of pieces that combine heaps of description and imagery with emotion, so I definitely like this. Particularly, "My hair was seaweed. My tongue was salt. I was not as pretty as a mermaid." Congratulations on a very complete and "full" piece, with very few words.
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That's a really nice bit of poetic prose. It took a while for me to like, but then I started to notice the imagery (it was like breathing underwater,my hair was seaweed, my tongue was salt). You capture the feeling of helplessness deeply without it feeling overused.
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Argh, I know this feeling all too well! I always come up with retorts two hours after the argument is over.
And I like the word very much, "prosetry." Hehe.
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Great work on imagery describing your frustration over a situation that you thought you knew what was going on.
Most people know how gross saltwater is to taste and so that is why when you put it there it was going to work....I cringed at the thought.
Awesome.
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Absolutely amazing. Fav for sure 
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wow...you defenitive deserved Unknown Artists: August Feature ;D
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Very short, but so very full of feeling. It may only be a few words, but I feel like I know something about her by the end of it.
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I thought it was excellent. The voice struck me as well-developed, and that becomes more difficult to accomplish as a piece gets shorter. Nicely done.
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An interesting accounting, rich in imagery. Congrats on being chosen for the latest Unknown Artist feature for literature. Very deserving piece.
k
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I love the way you sculpt your words and work out the sea/underwater metaphor. Great writing!
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A little to close to home for me to truly love (haha) but that just means it's higher quality, I'd say.
Good work.
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tantalizing, well wrriten, and a beautiful analogy for an argument.
the setting is wondrous too, as you are stuck in the sea, keep up the good work.
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Interesting...I like the rhythm and conceit. Nice work! You are a talented writer.
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Very, very nice... beautifully written, very interesting comparisons!
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"Every speck of twisted logic you managed to shout suddenly fit, and I found
myself wondering if you had been right all along. " This is the line I loved most of all in that piece of art.
It's beautifully written...
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Wow, that's really great. No wonder it got featured!
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it's lovely, i really think you have described such a feeling wonderfully
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"The last time I spoke with you, it was like breathing underwater. " perfect.
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The imagery works very well and fits the situation perfectly. 
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My lungs were filling up, so that thin words kept swimming out of my mouth and I coughed up phrases that didn't make sense.
such an amazing description.
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you are the girl who's good with words.
i like when you try new things like this-- the results are fabulous.
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by the way, congratulations on the Unknown Artist feature...you deserve it!
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Oooo, I like it. Specially this: "Every speck of twisted logic you managed to shout suddenly fit, and I found
myself wondering if you had been right all along."
Great image.
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I added this to my favourites and removed it just so I could favourite it again.
I love this.
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Thank you ever so much. ahh <3
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Speechless. I'd fave this a thousand times if I could.
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"Every speck of twisted logic you managed to shout suddenly fit, and I found
myself wondering if you had been right all along"
This piece really speaks to me. I have been in this position many times as well. I love the way you wrote about it as if you were drowning or becoming part of the sea. Amazing.
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