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polyhymnia — Red Toenails
Published: 2004-05-29 13:16:53 +0000 UTC; Views: 254; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 37
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Description
Feet turned ghostly by bathwater,crowned with chipped red toenails.
Red toenails casting out lures
to the bathtaps that stare downwards,
rigidly unimpressed.
Red toenails swirling the water
into a whirlpool
of a dream
of a whirligig of parties and
glittering feet.
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Comments: 21
Its good, conjuring the images captured in the words with good finesse. Again, the repetition of toe-nail detracts a little, but not enough to quash the rest.
The last stanza's my favourate though, the length in contrast with the short previous stanzas, suggests the depth of the memories.
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It reminds me of daydreaming, which i like doing very much
Just imagine how many adventures your feet could have! It's great
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Just think - maybe they go off and have adventures every night while you're asleep!
Well, it's a thought...
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I just hope I don't wake up to go to the toilet tonight!
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Hmmm... there's something in this that I can't exactly put my finger on... hmmm... listening to "Pick Up The Phone" by Notwist... and the music is giving it some sort of... life? I don't know... there';s just something in this piece that adds something extra... It's a really nice piece, too... hmmm...
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Ooh, I haven't heard that song. I shall have to give it a listen!
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Oh, you should, you should! Do you want me to send it to you via MSN? 
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Nah, I'm sure I can wangle myself a listen
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Apart from the repeat of red toenails at end of 1st and start of 2nd stanzas-it seems rather monotonous when they come right next to each other-very good, somewhat curiously I especially like the first stanza.
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Hehe, everybody seems to like a different stanza
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Which bodes well-it must be a good all-round poem then!
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maybe replace a couple of the red toenailsI with a synonym, or something to that effect, the repetition gets a little monotonous and boring. i like the descriptions, however, the word 'whirligig' distracted me. great otherwise though.
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I prefer the last stanza. Great poem. Keep up the good work
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Hee, all this praise is going to my head!
*head swells up like a balloon*
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Very very good, I love the second stanza-ish thing, it's extremely creative.
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Wow. This is really good. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it has a certain something...
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