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pseudometry β€” Sunrise Letdown by-nc-nd
Published: 2008-07-21 02:58:24 +0000 UTC; Views: 2671; Favourites: 20; Downloads: 5
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Description Daedalus, cradling
your son's ironic wingsβ€”weep
wax-hand, gallant thief.
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Comments: 25

ThePenVsTheSword [2012-07-25 02:12:14 +0000 UTC]

It's a pretty good haiku. I'm not sure if the change bettered it or not. Sounds good either way to me.

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pseudometry In reply to ThePenVsTheSword [2012-07-25 03:39:34 +0000 UTC]

Thanks very much!

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ThePenVsTheSword In reply to pseudometry [2012-07-25 19:48:58 +0000 UTC]

You're very welcome!

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AlecBell [2010-04-07 06:49:05 +0000 UTC]

The Haiku allows you to create a statuesque tableau of grief.

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pseudometry In reply to AlecBell [2010-04-08 00:18:42 +0000 UTC]

Thank you

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AlecBell In reply to pseudometry [2010-04-08 10:23:32 +0000 UTC]

I should have said that you used the Haiku, rather than that it allowed you...

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pseudometry In reply to AlecBell [2010-04-09 05:14:54 +0000 UTC]

No problem

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AlecBell In reply to pseudometry [2010-04-09 08:42:11 +0000 UTC]

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r-mitchell [2010-03-28 20:59:35 +0000 UTC]

weep wax-hand is really nice, good change.

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pseudometry In reply to r-mitchell [2010-03-29 06:02:27 +0000 UTC]

Thanks! I like it too, hadn't even thought of the alliteration at first.

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Amy--Louise [2010-03-25 16:01:32 +0000 UTC]

Not, technically, a haiku, is it? Why does Daedalus have wax on his hands? Did he help Icarus make his wings? I did not know that.

Despite the details, I really love it.

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pseudometry In reply to Amy--Louise [2010-03-25 18:10:27 +0000 UTC]

Yes, it only has the syllabic structure. Though maybe the wax still being on his hands could be a Kigo! Haha. And you could perhaps argue the semi-colon creates a Kireji-like cut.
He did, yeah. His genius to free his son. Hence the tragic irony.
Thank you.

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Amy--Louise In reply to pseudometry [2010-03-25 18:25:09 +0000 UTC]

So are you writing haiku these days?
I must have missed them?

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pseudometry In reply to Amy--Louise [2010-03-25 23:27:33 +0000 UTC]

I don't really submit any here. Maybe I should.

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Amy--Louise In reply to pseudometry [2010-03-26 19:30:18 +0000 UTC]

I haven't put any haiku up in ages . .
if you want to read some good haiku on dA I recommend *moyan , *Esin , `AbCat and *Bogbrush . . to name a few.

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pseudometry In reply to Amy--Louise [2010-03-27 19:50:54 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for the recommendations, am checking them out now...

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ARIrish2 [2008-08-03 14:16:38 +0000 UTC]

I don't think I've read a haiku dealing with classic Greek mythology before. This is perfectly formed (as a good haiku really ought to be!).

The imagery in the last line (everything after the semi-colon really) is superb, and having read the comments, I think you made the right choice shifting from 'tar' to 'wax'. Excellent stuff.

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pseudometry In reply to ARIrish2 [2008-08-04 02:06:39 +0000 UTC]

Thanks very much!
It's fun sometimes to look for less common themes and motifs to explore familiar issues/feelings with.

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YouInventedMe [2008-07-22 21:05:34 +0000 UTC]

the change works well

also
I just now caught the sunset rubdown nod
haha


xo!

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pseudometry In reply to YouInventedMe [2008-07-22 21:14:44 +0000 UTC]

Thank you, the connotations of being tainted you get from tar-hands is gone, but I think wax hands conveys a sense of impotency which works just as well in a different way.

Ha, yes it was verre sneaky.

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YouInventedMe [2008-07-21 20:23:03 +0000 UTC]

fantastic

xo!

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pseudometry In reply to YouInventedMe [2008-07-22 03:19:06 +0000 UTC]

Thanks very much!

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b1gfan [2008-07-21 06:58:08 +0000 UTC]

i love works the reinterpret/present myth! Cooolness

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pseudometry In reply to b1gfan [2008-07-22 03:18:22 +0000 UTC]

Thanks. Icarus allusions/themes seem to pop up in writing a bit, but I've always felt Daedalus doesn't quite get the attention he deserves. A powerfully tragic figure, cursing his own art and ingenuity and all that.

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b1gfan In reply to pseudometry [2008-07-22 04:32:23 +0000 UTC]

so true

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