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Published: 2006-11-20 23:17:43 +0000 UTC; Views: 181; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 1
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Description
once a gardenerthere was
there was
once a gardener
doing what a gardener does
he sowed some seed
he did
he did
sow some seed
‘twas good and hid
the seed found its way
through the dirt
through the dirt
the seed found its way
unharmed and unhurt
it grew up into
a girl
a girl
it grew up into
pretty as a pearl
she loved to dance
around
around
she loved to dance
all over the ground
but her roots would always hold her down
she saw one day
a man
a man
she saw one day
handsome and tan
she fell in love
with him
with him
she fell in love
on a sudden whim
she watched him from
afar
afar
she watched him from
like a distant star
he never saw her
there
there
he never saw her
he was unaware
she didn’t see him
one day
one day
she didn’t see him
he’d gone away
and where he went he planned to stay
her heart was torn
in two
in two
her heart was torn
yet she pursued
and so her roots
she tore
she tore
her roots
until there were no more
she was now free
to move
to move
she was now free
her shackles removed
far away
she ran
she ran
far away
to find the man
she found him then
nearby
nearby
she found him then
but she was dry
and so she withered and she died
the gardener saw
a lad
a lad
the gardener saw
looking rather sad
“sir I’ve news”
said the lad
said the lad
“I’ve news, sir,
and it happens to be bad”
“a tragedy’s happened”
he did say
he did say
“a tragedy’s happened-
the priests’ on his way”
“why is he coming?”
the gardener asked
the gardener asked
why is he coming?
tell me fast”
“to bury your daughter”
he said
he said
“to bury your daughter
your daughter is dead”
and the gardener wept and bowed his head
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Comments: 5
Teague-Drydan [2006-11-21 19:14:07 +0000 UTC]
i think it's pretty good just the way it is. teh rhythm and the rhyme scheme are good. the format is interesting and hte topic charming, tho rather sad..
nice peice overall!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Pyrefly74 In reply to Teague-Drydan [2006-11-21 21:46:41 +0000 UTC]
thanks!! the format's so weird though.. i purposely didn't use any punctuation (besides quotes) so the reader would have to figure out how it is read. Out of curiosity- did you find it easy to figure out?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Teague-Drydan In reply to Pyrefly74 [2006-11-23 01:06:54 +0000 UTC]
yup. pretty easy. thru me off when one of the stanzas didn't quite make sense, using the normal sentence structure. but after breifly thinkign about it, i figured it out.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0