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exclaim
Published: 2004-10-01 04:05:23 +0000 UTC; Views: 5207; Favourites: 81; Downloads: 608
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Description
ah!and
ha!
and just
!
!!
the pound and the thud and the gasp
captured in
! -
!!
and the italian gesture
the overwhelming
(! - !) verbose
physical - !
of clenched fists and swooping arms
oh!
-but this is
joy!
exuberance!
! -
love
!love!passion!life!
the sun !-gloriously! climaxes over the trees
the silent !-scream! of eyes
as they !-beam! and !-shine!
and - !
just - !
isn't it wonderful!
the fact
the exclamation
overriding any question
-a state of ecstasy confined to a mere dash and dot
it just is
a jump a dance a song
completely intangible
untouchable
-laughter
and surprise
and shock
-and laughter!
(the prelude to a smile)
it is the peak!
and the climax!
and !~vibrance!~ herself
!
but is also an acknowledgement
(in its silence)
of the silence
the
.
of afterwards
but that is tomorrow
and
! -
is now
Related content
Comments: 197
wow.....bizarre....now I see why they call it experimental....the exclamations are the poetry....i love the bizarre....
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...
o.Ó
o.Ó
...and yes, more o.Ó lol.. sorry bout this not being advanced critique at all... -.-
i like it.. its.. different... you can actually [or at least i can] 'feel' the "!"s... (=
.
*Maria*
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I love songs (any literal work, to be exact) like this, songs that make your mind and togue jump and play and dance...!
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makes me happy! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! i love the exclamation marks! tehe. wonderful piece of work
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Oh-ho! This is awesome! It reminds me a bit of Cummings, though there are some differences... Anyway, this is a really great poem, it really set a great mood of excitement and energy. This is just fantastic and now I gotta go and see what else you've got in your gallery.
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and thank you for the 
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that was awesome. very upbeat and vibrant. i loved the ending specifically. very well written, and i hope i can eventually hear it spoken
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thanks a bunch
i know that Atrophel read it at one of the Coffeehouse gatherings and i have been hoping to catch that, too
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wow. ive never seen a poem like this before. its really quirky and just... great.
its also really good to see poetry/prose getting a d.d
ought to be more. ur brilliant! accept my worship!!!
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wow. (to use a word that you used) i'm very grateful, thank you.
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sorry i said that some time ago before even trying to think about the poem itself. interesting words man.
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oh, it is quite fine. thank you
i was just wondering because if you were confused that perhaps there was something i could do to the poem that might inhance the effect for you.
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i usually dont even read poetry really.
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well then, i am glad that you stopped by to read mine
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as in . . . what is this about?
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never mind what i said about it. nice poem man.
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never mind what i said about it. nice poem man.
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well even if that's not a good fascinating - i'm happy that i was able to intrigue you
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It was a good fascinating ^_^
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well thank you all the more then
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I clicked the link expecting something with as much oomf as plain tofu, but what I got instead exceeded my expectations, and wowed me. This is so wonderful. I adore the line breaks. It makes the piece more inviting to read; and it gives it character. Lovely.
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thank you kindly
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I think is great, probably one of the better poems I've read in some time, and certainly around here. Clever and nicely done! <--- exclamation point!
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i don't know what i can say that hasn't already been said. this is a great piece of poetry. it makes me feel all bouncy and jittery like i need to stand up and move around while saying it loudly. i guess it's safe to say it moves me.
-shawn
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thank you so much
and i was jumping around and swinging my arms quite violently as i wrote it
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you're very welcome.
the jumping and swinging of arms would seem conducive to writing a poem like that.
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Hm... personally, I feel you have too many gaps in this poem. I've read it allowed several times, then read it in silence. I enjoyed it. The poem is clever, and it's good, but I still feel that you have too many unnecessary breaks.
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I personally am interested how and where you feel said breaks detract.
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I stress this: not all of the breaks, but a few do detract.
How? It creates work for the reader. At times I found my eyes wavering off the track of the poem because I wasn't sure where to go next, the gaps created somewhat of a barrier between myself and the poem; it was harder to connect. In other words, now and then the gaps would interrupt the flow.
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The poet might correct me, but I believe that was partially her intent — you should have to work a bit initially to appreciate her work.
The more frequently I read aloud this piece, the less jarring the whitespace and "irregular formatting" become.
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I also thought about that.
I was reminded of Joyce's A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man when the idea came to mind, and I remembered how much I hated that book the first time through.
This poem did get easier each time a read it, and I experienced a few epiphanies with a few re-reads, but some of the breaks still detract when all is said and done. Examples: overwhelming/verbose - I feel the break should be removed in that stanza. Near the end of the poem, with the comparison of the period and exclaimation, I feel the break in that stanza is also negative.
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thanks
as to the end . . . i really wanted to keep . seperate from ! and i thought that the breaking it into two stanzas helped solidify that idea.
is it just the cohesiveness that you think it detracts from?
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Yes, but reading it now I don't have that problem, so chalk it up to the first intial readings.
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I love the work you put into this...I want to experiment like that someday...great work...!!!
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thank you very much
and if i may just say - someday. . . why not today? just jump when the muse strikes you. (and i know it's cliche but) the first step is always the hardest
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I'm always thinking and writing...I've been thinking of doing more poetry but, yeah...the muse will whisper sweetly into my ear about that. It has, it has. I'll check the rest of your gallery.
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this piece is extremely different than a lot of what i have posted . . . but in that same light - i go wherever the muse decides to bodyslam me . . . i wish you luck with your ventures
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