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exclaim
Published: 2004-10-01 04:05:23 +0000 UTC; Views: 5207; Favourites: 81; Downloads: 608
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Description
ah!and
ha!
and just
!
!!
the pound and the thud and the gasp
captured in
! -
!!
and the italian gesture
the overwhelming
(! - !) verbose
physical - !
of clenched fists and swooping arms
oh!
-but this is
joy!
exuberance!
! -
love
!love!passion!life!
the sun !-gloriously! climaxes over the trees
the silent !-scream! of eyes
as they !-beam! and !-shine!
and - !
just - !
isn't it wonderful!
the fact
the exclamation
overriding any question
-a state of ecstasy confined to a mere dash and dot
it just is
a jump a dance a song
completely intangible
untouchable
-laughter
and surprise
and shock
-and laughter!
(the prelude to a smile)
it is the peak!
and the climax!
and !~vibrance!~ herself
!
but is also an acknowledgement
(in its silence)
of the silence
the
.
of afterwards
but that is tomorrow
and
! -
is now
Related content
Comments: 197
a smile is more than enough for me.
thank you
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then i'm glad i could give it.
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this is fantastic... i think you accomplished exactly what you were aiming for, which is an amazing feat.. excellent work.
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hehe... no problem... i bet you've got about 700 of these to reply to
sorry for adding another for you to have to deal with
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it is my pleasure to "deal with" yours and all the rest 
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Ooh. I like it muchly. Still not sure how one would read it aloud, though.
Y'know, speaking of punctuation, Interrobang would be a good name for a band.
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thanks
and i agree
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Excessively so. He was my first obsession. As you seem to have guessed, he is entirely responsible for my extensive collection of potential band names (and directly responsible for "Hurling Buicks").
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hehe he's great - my fifth grade science/math teacher introduced me to his work and i have been a big fan ever since
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i thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece. it was very clever to just express what you can get from an exclamation point. very nice indeed.
!!!
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It has great rhythm, and that is more than I have ever seen on any other poem on DA. Great work!
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thanks a bunch
but like *g33k-ch1k said, there are completely talented poets to be found here in DA
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There's some GREAT poetry on dA, you just have to look
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I really like this. I read it aloud and I just love the rhythm and the 'oomph' you have in this piece. It's original and well executed. +fav ^_^
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thank you
ooh! and if i may just say so - i love your quote, too -
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I am definitely NOT a poetry person, in fact I rather dislike poetry. But this is so cute and happy that I can't help but love it! Being a visual person, I think I prefer reading it to hearing it aloud... I don't think speaking can express the cuteness or happiness of the punctuation. Anyways, thank you for writing a poem I actually like! 
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well thank you very much, it was my absolute pleasure to write this poem
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simply amazing, you are a role model for us all. Well done on having such great talent
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well thank you
and i'm not quite sure about talent . . . just a desire to explore and make sense of things
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yup, thats what all us poets are about 
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thanks - i am happy that you enjoyed it
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okay, seriously..you need to enter some kind of poetree slam because the feeling one gets from repeating this poem poem to himself is amazing
*italian pinch-kiss thing* magnifique
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well thank you
*russian hug*
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!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dude, All I can say is.... Its fucking amazing, its incredible, I felt it in every muscle in my body. Very very good. I could never have done better. I respect ur work and wish you all the best. keep it up, I never really was a poetry fan but by the gods, this changes everything.
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thank you so much
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Wow, this is so cool! I've never read anything like it. Very nice job!!!
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thank you
and many others have brought up e. e. cummings in relation to some of what i have going on here and i think that he is absolutely marvelous if you ever have the inclination to check him out. he has this one poem about a grashopper (it may even be called that . . .), it is a bit difficult to read but it will never cease to amaze me
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I am truly hard pressed to find anything wrong with this. This shows every single feeling that one little punctuation mark could ever show, and it does it with such vigor and emotion that even more accentuates the poem (come on, it's about an exclamation point, it has to be strong).
On a more personal note, this should go up in my English teacher's office - she's Czech, but speaks like an Italian with the movements. I'll have to highlight that little part, as it really was one of my favorite lines.
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hehe thank you
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It gets sort of bad when you have that tendency on stage, but it's quite nice in everyday life.
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The enjambment really throws focus, mostly because of the intensity you want to have output, I feel the words falling on any random spot within the boundaries makes it a waterfall to catch up with. The style you present in is really magnificent, however. Felt the words come alive, but only in bursts from my wandering eyes.
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thanks
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A wonderful piece of poetry!
I love the emotion.
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thank you so much
i'm glad that you were able to feel it
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thanks - i really had fun with it
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congrats on the DD!
i like- reminds me of e. e. cummings.
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Nicely done.
Only a few suggestions:
that is captured in works better as simply "captured in" because it trims down the line to the proceeding punctuation.
In:
the overwhelming
verbose
I believe the visual and aural cadence really need punctuation (perhaps some sort of exclamation mark?) preceding verbose. I understand what you accomplish with line breaks, but somehow it seems just a shade short. I propose "overwhelmingly / verbose" or adding initial punctuation on verbose's line.
In the same stanza, perhaps of clenched fists and swooping arms would feel warm and fuzzy with a matching gerund to connote continuing action in place of completed. You've already used one gerund in this stanza, so it would round out nicely.
For some strange reason the sun requires a stronger verb than rises, perhaps something that connotes magisterial composure like "ascends" or "mounts".
Finally, -vibrance may gain something from a tilde: "~vibrance". I envision shimmering and well, vibrating, and the tilde would be an interesting visual representation.
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thank you so much for really taking the time to go through my piece
as to your suggestions . . .
- i agree that "captured in" works much better, feels better, changed that up right away
- i wasn't quite sure how i felt about the extra syllable of "overwhelmingly" but did work "(! - !) " in front of "verbose" which i like the added feel of (but please let me know what you think
- i can see what you're saying with the gerund but am unable to find one in any immediacy that i can wrap around my tongue . . . i put it up on my board, though and will put some time into it the next few days
- and "rises" thank you! i changed that over to "climaxes" i wasn't too overly concerned with my word choice really working on this poem, trying to work on other areas, but thank you for picking up on that, i think that it is much more effective this way
- i loved your idea of the tilde . . . and we had so much fun playing hop-scotch together that i threw in another one (is that overkill, though, do you think?)
thank you again! 
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