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Published: 2011-08-30 01:10:11 +0000 UTC; Views: 44; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 0
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He was sitting in the back corner, probably thinking that the shadows hid him from prying eyes. He'd been waiting for the better part of half an hour, and no one else seemed to notice him. He had been nursing the same glass of scotch all evening, and it was only half gone. Whatever, or whoever he was waiting for he waited for patiently, half-consciously running his thumb across the lip of the glass.Outside the rain was pouring down, the wind beating against the glass with a fury he did not feel tonight. The gale howled and moaned about the pub like a weeping woman, a grim setting for this meeting. The glass made a soft clink as he set it down on the table, the firelight casting an autumnal glow across his countenance.
The door swung open and shut, admitting a small hooded figure, who took a moment to warm her hands by the fire before turning to look for him. He knew those hands well- slender and delicate, and poised unless she was flustered or angry. The pub was noisy, and crowded, but as the pair espied each other, it seemed to be as silent as peace. She pulled back her hood and made her way across the pub, weaving her way between tables, eyes focused intently upon him.
That stare he knew almost better than he knew her. It was intense, focused, and unrelenting. That stare had been enough to shake even him, as if she were able to see past all his walls, all his facades, and see the man that was underneath.
A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes
I screamed aloud, as it tore through them, and now it's left me blind
Reaching him, she shed her coat and hung it to dry from the back of her chair. "Bitch of a storm out there, isn't it?"
Though she spoke coarsely, he knew her for what she was. Whatever her crude remarks or crass behavior, she was shy and restrained… perhaps even more so than he. As she sat, the fire illuminated the edges of her silhouette, and she smiled softly at him. Only she would ever smile genuinely when she saw him. "How have you been?"
"As well as ever," he replied, which they both knew meant not well at all. Sometimes he wondered why she even bothered to ask.
She nodded, not bothering to put on a look of sympathy, knowing he didn't want it. She reached across the table, clasping one of his hands in both of hers. Her hands were icy cold from the storm, but it didn't matter, and he returned her grasp with a shadow of a smile. He'd always thought that he would be the one comforting her, not the other way around.
The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart
He studied her, the way her hair (dyed, because she despised its natural color) fell across her forehead and over her shoulders. He examined the way her eyelashes fluttered when she blinked, the way her lips curved up in a smile as she recounted some memory for him, and the way she caught her breath suddenly as a new idea came to her. He smiled whenever she smiled, because that made her smile broaden. Through her and her animation he was able to feel something close to happiness.
She never let go of his hands for very long, as if afraid he might slip away if she didn't hold on to him. From any other woman, it might have made him uncomfortable, but she didn't mean to cling to him. She only meant to make contact with someone else, more to reassure herself that they were real than anything else.
Suddenly she stopped talking, and frowned. "You're letting me babble again. I must look totally inane."
He smiled drily. "Anyone who describes themselves as inane isn't."
"That's not the point," she argued. "You're supposed to participate in the conversation. Otherwise I'm just giving a monologue."
"I like your monologues."
She gave him a look. He took a sip of scotch and gazed at her a moment. "I have nothing interesting to tell."
"You don't tell me anything, hence, everything you tell me is interesting," she said diplomatically.
He chuckled, and told her a little about what had happened since they last spoke. She listened with an interest too intense for the subject matter, but he didn't think it was feigned. She could lie if she wished, but it was all a matter of her wishing to lie. Her hands, which had warmed since her entrance, still grasped his.
He remembered the first day he'd met her, when she had looked up at the Potions Master who towered over her and declared- "You don't scare me, Professor."
And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat
I tried to find the sound
But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness,
So darkness I became
She wasn't the kind of woman who was classically beautiful, but the more time he spent with her, the more lovely she seemed. That guileless smile, those loving bright eyes, her clear, honest laugh… she didn't pretend anything with him.
Except, maybe, confidence. Sometimes she pretended that, but he never called her out on it. That wasn't his business.
Something he said made her face darken, and she seemed suddenly sad.
"Are you alright?" he asked.
"Fine."
He grasped her hand. "Don't lie to me."
She blinked, surprised. "What?"
"What's wrong?" he asked, watching her carefully.
She sighed, withdrawing her hands for the first time that evening. She reenacted an argument with her family… about him. "I told them I can take care of myself," she said ruefully, "So they told me to go ahead and do it."
The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart
It took him a moment to understand. "They kicked you out?"
She nodded, looking some mixture of embarrassed and upset. She was rather proud, and didn't like having to admit her family troubles. "Stupid, I know. Basically, I have no idea where I'm sleeping tonight, but a friend offered to let me crash on her sofa." She shrugged, and said quickly- "And I know you- don't offer me a place to stay!"
He arched an eyebrow. "Do you think I'd be compromising your virtue?"
She didn't blush. She'd heard far worse- most Slytherins had. She just laughed, shaking her head. "No, but I might be compromising yours."
He leaned across toward her, smirking. "Oh, I assure you, you would be compromising nothing."
She laughed and pushed him back. "You dog," she teased, "Just come right out and invite me if you must."
"Fine," he said, "Would you come to my quarters tonight?"
He startled her. She hadn't actually thought he would do it- usually he was more reserved than that. To cover her surprise, she teased- "Well, I'll have to think about it…"
He interrupted her with a kiss. It was their first kiss, actually. When they had first met here, she'd expressed a tendency to be physically reserved, which had suited him just fine. Tonight, though… after seeing the way she smiled again, and heard her laugh, after all the time they'd spent apart… well; he just wanted to kiss her.
She kissed him back, a soft gasp issuing from her warm lips. After a moment, though, she gently pushed him away. "I do believe you're trying to get into my pants," she teased, but she seemed a little shaken. He'd caught her off guard.
"I'm sorry," he said softly, "I rushed you."
"It's not that," she said, shaking her head. "It's just… it took a lot of work for me to get here."
He knew what she meant, what she was talking about. It was why he had been so careful with her, at first. She looked up at him, and smiled weakly. It was the kind of smile she gave when she was trying to look confident. "I must be such a glacier to you."
"Not at all."
I took the stars from our eyes, and then I made a map
And knew that somehow I could find my way back
Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
So I stayed in the darkness with you
"The whole reason I started being friendly to you is because I thought there was no way you would ever like me like this," she said, gesturing in the air. "She smiled again, unconvincingly. "I guess that will teach me to judge by appearances."
Judging by appearances- it was the very thing she had frequently scolded him for. Largely because he had done that often to her, at first. He'd thought of her as arrogant, crude… and an all around pain in the ass. He'd learned.
Like her? Merlin, he'd never spent this much time with any woman. She had to know that he was inexplicably attached to her.
She looked up, a mixture of fear and desperation in her eyes. "Severus?"
Severus Snape straightened, ignoring the nagging need for another scotch. "Yes?"
She reached out, clasping his hand again. "Severus, I love you."
From anyone else, those words would have felt meaningless. Children tossed around those words like they were nothing… but not her. Hate and love, she clutched those words to her heart like they were precious. And they were.
He kissed the back of her hand.
"You don't have to say it back," she said quickly, "It's just how I feel, and I can't stand to not say it anymore."
The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart
How long had it been since they met? Two years, three? And now she was terrified that he didn't love her back.
He looked up at her. "May I kiss you again?"
She leaned across herself, pressing her lips to his. The contact was brief, gentle, and somehow enough.
She smiled; glowing as she quietly touched her cheek. "I'm glad I found you," she murmured.
"So am I," he said.
"Professor Snape?"
He blinked, and glanced up at the barmaid. "Yes?"
"Well… you've been sitting here all night, and it's closing time, sir."
Severus glanced across the table… at the empty chair. "Of course," he murmured, not bothering to wonder how the barmaid knew his name and title as he stood. He pulled on his cloak, wishing he had had that second scotch after all.
"Professor?" the barmaid asked again.
He looked down at her in silence.
"I… I am sorry, for what happened. To your wife."
How did she know?! Stung, Severus hissed- "It's none of your concern!" He took his cloak and left quickly, humiliated and angry.
He'd relived that night a thousand times, or so it seemed. He only went back to that pub every fourth of March… the anniversary of her death.
Jane. Jane Malliet had been her name.
She'd been a seventh year Slytherin when he met her, the first year he taught at Hogwarts. The things she had suffered at the hands of Voldemort's supporters… they were unbearable to think about. And yet she had managed to smile… managed to worm her way into the bitter Potions Master's heart and not flinch away when she learned about his past.
I love you.
It was a raw wound, her death. Senseless.
Even worse because she had loved him so selflessly.
The cold rain trickled down Severus's cheeks as he snaked through the streets of Spinner's End. She had never liked Spinner's End… Jane had never felt safe there.
Unless he was with her.
Severus looked up at his house, sitting lonely on the hill. He slipped into its warmth, leaving his cloak to dry by the door.
I must be such a glacier to you.
Severus crept quietly through the house, up to the third door on the left.
The room was quiet, and dark. As Severus had left him, the little boy in the bed was fast asleep. He touched his son's hair, black as midnight. Though Severus couldn't see them he knew that the boy had Jane's bright eyes. Under the hand of his father the boy yawned and shifted in his sleep.
Severus pulled the blanket around his son, whispering- "I love you."
As Severus left the room, he paused to glance back… and saw a pair of bright eyes staring through the dark. "I love you, too, Dad."
Severus swallowed hard, his throat constricting. "Goodnight, Jon."
"Goodnight, Dad."
Severus quietly shut the door, and leaned against the wall, closing his eyes. I never thought you would like me like this.
I didn't just like you, Jane, he thought, I loved you.
The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart
Song:
Cosmic Love by Florence & the Machine
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Comments: 3
SeveraSlyth [2011-08-30 01:23:22 +0000 UTC]
Oh god you choked me up. Should have known from the title though. It was bittersweet.
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RobotSnowman In reply to SeveraSlyth [2011-08-30 01:24:44 +0000 UTC]
I guess I should take it as a compliment that everyone who reads it tells me I made them cry...
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
SeveraSlyth In reply to RobotSnowman [2011-08-30 01:37:51 +0000 UTC]
I didn't quite cry, but it was one of those feelings that you get right before you cry. idk how to explain it. But yeah, it is a compliment, especially considering that it takes quite a lot to make me cry. it's still a beautiful story though, entirely sad, but beautiful.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0