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Robsonnet β€” The Trouble with a Love Poem
Published: 2008-01-10 03:28:29 +0000 UTC; Views: 6141; Favourites: 21; Downloads: 73
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Description Ever since that first cave man told the woman of his fancy, "Looking at you makes me want to say something where all the words end with the same sound," and then clubbed her and dragged her off to his cave to show her his etchings, most people's first poetic efforts have been expressions of fondness and desire.

And no matter how bad the poem is, when the feeling is mutual, the response is going to be very reinforcing. "You wrote me a POEM?! Oh, it's BEAUTIFUL! That's so SWEET!" Et cetera, et cetera, with kisses.

At this point, the love poem is perfect. It communicated the desired message, and it had the desired effect. But then, with the beloved's ecstatic acclamations ringing in his ears, our fledgling poet takes the next logical step in his literary career: he joins deviantART and uploads.

Back in the good old days, when we had to walk 5 miles uphill through the snow to get to the Internet, (borrowed that line from Zits), young lovers only inflicted such embarrassments on their friends. "Uh, yeah, Zeke. That's, like, awesome, dude. You wrote a pome. Um, so you wanna go skating?" But Zeke is too besotted to skate; he's got to go suck face with Bertha, or if she's busy, go home and write her another pome.

Before the Society of Lovesick Adolescent Poets (SLAP) puts a contract out on me, though, I'm going to jump right to the relatively rare situation in which Zeke actually DOES have some poetic talent beyond what little it takes to impress Bertha.

He already told her in poem number 1 that:
a) He loves her.
b) He loves her deeply and truly.
c) He is going to keep on loving her as long as he lives.
d) She's beautiful.
e) He's never felt like this about anybody before.
f) He wants to spend the rest of his life with her.
g) NOBODY has ever felt like this about ANYBODY before.
h) He doesn't want to do anything except be with her.
i) He really, really loves her.

He'd like to put in another thought, but he's not sure she's ready to hear that part of his feelings, and besides, her dad might read it and ground her again. So he needs to say something different.

Well, different in how he expresses it, at least. The message is still going to be the same, because he doesn't have any new feelings to express. (He would say he does, because he loves her twice as deeply now as yesterday when he wrote the first poem, but if pressed he'd admit that it isn't really a new feeling.)

Were Zeke like the typical teenager in love, he'd just rearrange the lines and throw in a bit about how those feelings are becoming too deep and intense to express in words, a sentiment sure to get him at least to second base.

But he's no longer just a lover, he's a poet now, and in a fateful moment, as he waits for the muse to speak, he heads for the fridge, grabs a Coke, opens it and slugs down half the can, seeing as how he's been too busy being in love to eat or drink much of anything today. And in the ensuing moment of amazement at how refreshing that drink just was, the best Coke he's ever drunk, in fact, he realizes...

HOT DAMN!! He's discovered a METAPHOR! The next poem is done in 30 minutes flat, full of feelings of parching thirst and the sweetness of satisfaction. When Bertha reads it and gives him a blank stare, unable to comprehend the connection between soda pop and endless love, he is stunned. When her father reads it, and does understand it well enough to ground Bertha for the rest of the month, Zeke is almost relieved.

In fact, he is totally relieved, as are his buddies, who knew they'd lost their skating partner as long as Bertha had him, as we all should be, because now Zeke will go home and set love aside (till next time, when he finds a woman who can comprehend his poems) and write about what adolescents know best: angst, loneliness, and the pain of being misunderstood.

Grown up Zeke, along with his brother and sister poets everywhere, still must struggle with the problem of what to say about love. Once you've said what you feel and described how strongly you are feeling it, what's left to build a poem around?

To the mature poet who is also a mature lover, that problem is a wonderful one, because life provides more answers than time to write all the possible poems. Metaphors are only the beginning; there are also countless vignettes that illustrate some subtle aspect of the feelings. The beloved as an individual becomes the subject of the muse's scrutiny, and the best love poetry is sometimes a description of some loveable idiosyncrasy that only a true lover could appreciate. (Think of "When Harry Met Sally" and the speech that begins, "I love the way it takes you 45 minutes to order a sandwich.")

Poetry, like all of the arts, is about life. Part of the joy of loving, to me, is the challenge of finding new ways every day to express or demonstrate not only how strongly I feel about my one and only, but also how my love arises from my awareness of her as a unique individual, how that love inspires me to be a better man, how much I enjoy all the things we do together, how many ways her presence enriches my life, and on and on. (The way I score the "I love you" game, you get double points for statements that don't involve the word "love," triple points for saying it with no words at all, and quadruple for an act of love she won't even know you did.)

To write a great love poem, one the reading public can appreciate, and not just your main squeeze, you need to know enough about the art of loving, and about the art of living, to have something fresh to say on the subject.
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Comments: 13

LiliWrites [2017-02-19 11:22:05 +0000 UTC]

I'm quite a few years too late for you to actually read this comment (probably) but this is the best/funniest advice about writing love poems I've ever read.

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xlntwtch [2012-04-07 21:52:18 +0000 UTC]


This is a good "Pick of the Day" for DLD. Your writing flowed smoothly from caveman attitude, to teens who might think a love poem can only be expressed one way, to mature lovers who express it without even using the word "love." The comparison to the speech in "When Harry Met Sally" is both funny and a good demonstration to show how people can love each other without naming 'the usual suspects.' Your idea, capsulized in the last line, is true. It's an art done with life experience, and "..something fresh to say." Thank you.

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DailyLitDeviations [2012-04-07 03:30:06 +0000 UTC]

Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DLD (Daily Literature Deviations) and has been selected as our β€œPick of the Day”. It is featured in a news article here: [link] and on our main page.

Keep writing and keep creating.

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ashellessmind [2009-12-08 04:27:02 +0000 UTC]

I've read this, I think, twice now, following the link from your signature. Its pretty good. It flows. I like it.

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brownchristine8 [2008-10-31 05:24:19 +0000 UTC]

Oh my God, finally. Someone who understands.
XD You are completely hysterical.

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Sheledriia [2008-10-27 00:22:11 +0000 UTC]

It's proof to me that DA doesn't appreciate writers when something this beautiful hasn't been DDed.

If I could think of a compliment good enough I'd put it here. "_"

Sublime.

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DrownedFeather [2008-10-24 15:00:19 +0000 UTC]

Wow, this really was helpful to read. I am always thinking that I sould use some other words than "I love you blablabla"in my poems, but I always fail. So, yeah, this was very helpful, it made me think about it even more.
And I really think that you should go publish columns or something like that! Your style in prose is awesome =]
Thank you for writing this!

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4eyedlunatic [2008-02-20 04:57:32 +0000 UTC]

A wonderful concept, love poetry that makes sense. It is refreshing to see that there are people out there that know you can express your love in more ways that "I love you soooooooo much" , "My love for you will last untill the starts fall from the sky", "Oh how I love you, let me count the ways...", and the likes. Your point of view on expressing love is well put and (however sexist it may seem) amazing to hear from a guy. Please continue writing for I believe literature (good literature that is) has the power to enlighten and change the world around it.

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Robsonnet In reply to 4eyedlunatic [2008-02-20 19:11:56 +0000 UTC]

Any possible double standards notwithstanding, I am flattered by your comments.

I suspect the difference between good love poems and the mawkish stuff that's so painful to read if you're not the one writing (or receiving) it is actually that the better writing reflects a more mature feeling.

For some people, love is all about the feeling, it IS the feeling, and it actually has a lot more to do with the lover than with the beloved as a unique individual. As a result, the poetry is basically saying, "Look at how much in love I am!" The one for whom the poem was written could be replaced with another, and the poem would work just as well.

BTW, I'm not suggesting that I haven't written poetry of that sort myself. Most of my sonnets, including the most recent one, are more universal than individual in the feelings they express. But if one is doing that, the onus is on him/her to have something truly fresh to say, either a new perspective or a new way of describing an old one.

But I still have most respect for poems that reflect the uniqueness of the beloved and/or the relationship.

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4eyedlunatic In reply to Robsonnet [2008-02-21 02:29:18 +0000 UTC]

I see your point, for anyone can write the whole "roses are red" bit and find something to rhyme with blue, but it takes a true poet to truly get their point across in an original way. Poems on the topic of love are so common that the only way that some of the chokingly sweet poems can be interpreted as well written is if you are in fact blinded by said love.

As to what you said about a mature feeling I completely agree with. It is not just the feeling that needs to be mature but the poet as well. If you've ever noticed the poems on love, be they positive or negative, that make people detest love poems are in fact written by younger authors. Most people know that the love you feel in the traditional high school setting is one more based on hormones and the primordial instinct to procreate than anything else. While as the love you feel later in life has more to do with the way you and another get along. These are the true lovers and the true love poets, not the hormone crazed teen wanting to "get some".

Sorry if I ranted too long.

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Robsonnet In reply to 4eyedlunatic [2008-02-28 19:48:51 +0000 UTC]

Be careful what you say. S.L.A.P. has spies everywhere.

All seriousness aside, I'd like to speak up in defense of your generation. Besides, age-ism is still prejudice, regardless of whether directed at my generation or yours, and the real issue here is maturity, not chronological age.

As a general rule, of course, most people under 15 or 17 are too naive about relationships, too poorly informed about sex, and far too self-conscious and self-absorbed to be capable of making mature comments about what it means to love another person.

However, (a)that is a generalization, to which there are many exceptions, and (b)even if the person and his/her feelings are immature, the experience is still real, and the person is to be commended for making the effort to express it poetically.

I love to read the work of really young poets, at least the ones who have the verbal talent and discipline to express their thoughts and feelings well.

Here at dA, I have frequently been amazed by the maturity I have encountered in poets as young as 17, some even younger than that, maturity of understanding as well as maturity of expressive skills. And many of the best critiques I have received, from which I have been able to improve my poems and refine my own skills, have come from writers under the age of 20.

And at the other end of the spectrum, there are an awful lot of middle-aged people, ones who have lived more than enough years to develop the maturity I'm talking about, who have seemingly done everything in their power to make sure they don't learn anything that might cause them to question their beliefs, most of which were formed (ironically enough) when they were teenagers.

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doorfromheaven [2008-02-17 04:06:17 +0000 UTC]

Never saw the journal and so I must comment here. This is by far one of the most brilliant things I have read in awhile (and a breath of fresh air after studying the Qur'an). The satire is well done, and I could totally imagine you creating some "How to Write Love Poems For Dummies" kind of book (complete with stick figures and lots of question marks in the thought bubbles).

I have to say I am probably one of those angsty teenagers that don't even really belong here, but I try in hopes to someday get beyond that stage. ahaha

Congrats.
This is amazing.

I shall go work on a "pome" right now. lol

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Robsonnet In reply to doorfromheaven [2008-02-17 14:54:53 +0000 UTC]

The journal was during my first incarnation, before I shut down my account for over a year and had to let all my deviations be deleted. My first journal entry after returning explains about that.

You definitely belong here. Your writing and your encouragement are obviously inspiring and encouraging a lot of others. And where better to develop your own talent?

Glad you enjoyed it. This was fun to write.

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