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Description
Pairing Leo/Raph (kinda)
Rating: M/16 (Don’t make me ask for your ID)
Contains: Angst, T-cest, mature content, angst (if you no like, don’t read)
By: Ryu-Amio (I own no turtles)
Summary: Raphael comes to grips with his emotions after Karai’s accident.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Is Leo skipping on dinner again?”

“What do you think Mikey?”

My words came off harsh.

What little optimism anyone had that Leonardo would join us was crushed.
An untouched plate on the kitchen table brought with it an uncomfortable silence…

With my appetite ruined by the youngest’s whimpering look, my fist moved without my consent and struck the stained surface of the table in frustration.
No one objected to my outburst.
They both just sat there, not even batting an eye…

This whole place has gone to hell…

Our master, broken from loosing his daughter a second time, has fallen into despair.
Our Leader, convinced that he is the one to blame, has done the same…
Our makeshift home, once filled with the sounds of warmth and the light of laughter, has become a cold den of silence, giving birth to empty echoes.

The smell of breakfast has become more and more burnt these past few days and dinner grows ever more painful to endure as Mikey too begins to succumb to this hopelessness.

I headed to my room, dissatisfied with another wasted day, leaving Donatello to take Sensei his meal.

Donnie is starting to loose it too, spending most of the day in his lab while Mikey lounges on the couch in a stupor. There isn’t much I can do to help. All I can do is watch as everything unravels.

Before I retired to my crummy little slice of paradise,
I glanced over to the room next to mine.
Leo’s room. Sealed shut.

I came to stand before it, but nothing I do will make it open.
Threats and soft words alike are repelled by the rusted iron door that guards his room.

A pointless chuckle accompanied my foolish thinking.
If he were out here… he’d tell us to train,
nag us to clean up, give us chores and boss us around like always.
I wouldn’t mind.
No one would.

My forehead rested tiredly against the cold door…

If he were out here, he’d give us hope.

But he’s not…

He chooses to ignore us.

To ignore what’s happening to us, his family…
…all because of her.

Karai…
…Miwa.

Everything would have been better… if she never came into our lives.
If she really was the Shredder’s daughter…
If she was never… born…
Then Leo would never have fallen for her.

That goofy look he gets when she looks at him.
The way he puts her safety above everyone else’s…
The way he’s always trying to impress her.

He can deny it all he wants… it’s love…
One sided love…

A heavy sigh escaped me…

Why Karai?

She’s tried to kill us more times than I can count.
She never cared for Leo, only her personal vendetta.
She used him… she used all of us, just to try and take revenge…

Her recklessness caused what happened… not Leo.

Why can’t HE see that?
Why can’t he realize that we’re better off without her?
Why can’t he see… he had everything he wanted right here…

…right here, waiting outside his door.

Again my fist balled, striking the uncaring iron, trying to convey wordless emotions to someone who feels miles away. Another empty echo sounds throughout the Lair. An echo rooted in anger and frustration.

The thought of Leo, just beyond this door…
The thought that despair is slowly ebbing away at him… that guilt is the thing that keeps me from seeing his face… It wounds me.

But…

What would I say to him?
There’s nothing I can say that will ease his guilt…
Nothing I do will lessen the burden on his shoulders…

It cripples me.
I can’t move.
I feel my legs quiver.
My body grows heavy.
I want to see him.
…I can’t…

I fall to my knees.
Unable to bare the weight of this despair.
Unable to leave, unable to enter…
I cry…

As the seasons change this is how it will be…
Feelings concealed… protected by rusted iron…
A wounded heart hidden… covered by a chipped plastron...

I'll always be left behind...
I'll always be crying outside his room...
Because i know... he'll never let me in...

End.

Description
Pairing Leo/Raph (kinda)
Rating: M/16 (Don’t make me ask for your ID)
Contains: Angst, T-cest, mature content, angst (if you no like, don’t read)
By: Ryu-Amio (I own no turtles)
Summary: Raphael comes to grips with his emotions after Karai’s accident.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Is Leo skipping on dinner again?”

“What do you think Mikey?”

My words came off harsh.

What little optimism anyone had that Leonardo would join us was crushed.
An untouched plate on the kitchen table brought with it an uncomfortable silence…

With my appetite ruined by the youngest’s whimpering look, my fist moved without my consent and struck the stained surface of the table in frustration.
No one objected to my outburst.
They both just sat there, not even batting an eye…

This whole place has gone to hell…

Our master, broken from loosing his daughter a second time, has fallen into despair.
Our Leader, convinced that he is the one to blame, has done the same…
Our makeshift home, once filled with the sounds of warmth and the light of laughter, has become a cold den of silence, giving birth to empty echoes.

The smell of breakfast has become more and more burnt these past few days and dinner grows ever more painful to endure as Mikey too begins to succumb to this hopelessness.

I headed to my room, dissatisfied with another wasted day, leaving Donatello to take Sensei his meal.

Donnie is starting to loose it too, spending most of the day in his lab while Mikey lounges on the couch in a stupor. There isn’t much I can do to help. All I can do is watch as everything unravels.

Before I retired to my crummy little slice of paradise,
I glanced over to the room next to mine.
Leo’s room. Sealed shut.

I came to stand before it, but nothing I do will make it open.
Threats and soft words alike are repelled by the rusted iron door that guards his room.

A pointless chuckle accompanied my foolish thinking.
If he were out here… he’d tell us to train,
nag us to clean up, give us chores and boss us around like always.
I wouldn’t mind.
No one would.

My forehead rested tiredly against the cold door…

If he were out here, he’d give us hope.

But he’s not…

He chooses to ignore us.

To ignore what’s happening to us, his family…
…all because of her.

Karai…
…Miwa.

Everything would have been better… if she never came into our lives.
If she really was the Shredder’s daughter…
If she was never… born…
Then Leo would never have fallen for her.

That goofy look he gets when she looks at him.
The way he puts her safety above everyone else’s…
The way he’s always trying to impress her.

He can deny it all he wants… it’s love…
One sided love…

A heavy sigh escaped me…

Why Karai?

She’s tried to kill us more times than I can count.
She never cared for Leo, only her personal vendetta.
She used him… she used all of us, just to try and take revenge…

Her recklessness caused what happened… not Leo.

Why can’t HE see that?
Why can’t he realize that we’re better off without her?
Why can’t he see… he had everything he wanted right here…

…right here, waiting outside his door.

Again my fist balled, striking the uncaring iron, trying to convey wordless emotions to someone who feels miles away. Another empty echo sounds throughout the Lair. An echo rooted in anger and frustration.

The thought of Leo, just beyond this door…
The thought that despair is slowly ebbing away at him… that guilt is the thing that keeps me from seeing his face… It wounds me.

But…

What would I say to him?
There’s nothing I can say that will ease his guilt…
Nothing I do will lessen the burden on his shoulders…

It cripples me.
I can’t move.
I feel my legs quiver.
My body grows heavy.
I want to see him.
…I can’t…

I fall to my knees.
Unable to bare the weight of this despair.
Unable to leave, unable to enter…
I cry…

As the seasons change this is how it will be…
Feelings concealed… protected by rusted iron…
A wounded heart hidden… covered by a chipped plastron...

I'll always be left behind...
I'll always be crying outside his room...
Because i know... he'll never let me in...

End.