HOME | DD

SarcasticCupcake5Imaginary Friend
#abuse #death #friendship #pain #sad #shortstory
Published: 2015-04-15 03:46:13 +0000 UTC; Views: 3854; Favourites: 100; Downloads: 0
Redirect to original
Description body div#devskin0 hr { }

I sat on the plush rug, waiting patiently for Delilah. Everyday after school she would meet me in the treehouse to talk. She had purposefully picked a place that symbolized childhood. A treehouse forgotten when its own children had grown up. I worried quite a bit about my dear Delilah, she had a darkness following her precise and delicate movements. She tiptoed around the word, but I still knew. There was a reason she was stuck in her rather immature ways. 


Right on time, exactly 3:17, I saw her charcoal hair peek around the make-shift curtain. "Brandon!" I love the way she smiled at me as if we didn't see each other every day. She knew I'd be there, but she still acted surprised every time. 


"Hello Delilah, how was your day?" I smiled encouragingly. She slowly sat crosslegged next to me, her overflowing backpack placed carefully onto my lap. 


"I'm okay. Today was a good day. I'd rather talk about you, Brandon. Can I hear about your day instead?"


This was to be expected. Delilah often turned the attention to me within moments of her arrival. She came from a place where children should be seen not heard. "My teacher still wants to meet the lovely Delilah Thompson I talk about all day. My poem has been taken to the state competition, people are asking to meet my muse." 


The expression on her pale face was impossible to read. "You know they can't..."


"Why not? You have never given me a reason as to why no one can meet you."


"I can't tell you... I-I wouldn't want to hurt you... or ruin our friendship." She bent her head until her chin rested on her pendant. Once again she had avoided giving me a proper answer.


"None of that makes any sense..." I frowned as her shoulders slumped. "I'd rather not fight."


"Then let's not." Her smile didn't reach her large grey eyes. 


"How has your dad been treating you?"


Delilah's voice cracked. "F-Fine." She subconsciously tugged on her sweater sleeves. 


My heart dropped to the floorboards. "Okay, we won't talk about it."


It was hard to tell how long we sat in silence before Delilah stood. "I have to go." She paused to straighten out every crease in her shirt. I didn't reply as Delilah had never given me a proper answer to that either. She stared at me for a while, then shook her head as if I was in denial about something obvious. By the time I looked away from my shoes, she had vanished again.


I sat for a long time watching a spider crawl in and out of a knothole. It wasn't until I tried to move, that I noticed Delilah's backpack still in my lap. I peered inside, hoping to convince myself she didn't need it. Several textbooks and sheets of paper filled the bag. Despite how full it was, everything appeared perfectly neat, not a folded corner to be seen, color coordinated paperclips marking which papers went with each book. I found myself facing a dilemma. 


Should I leave that bag here in hopes of Delilah coming back for it, or should I go try and find her myself?


I realized I desperately wanted to find Delilah's house, so I slung her heavy bag over my shoulder and struggled down the rickety ladder. I stumbled through the remains of the white picket fence that had once bordered the home. It was hard to imagine someone just leaving this beautiful place behind. No wonder Delilah had wanted to take it over for herself.


The backpack strap dug into my shoulder blade as I walked down the sidewalk. The manicured lawns were replaced by junk filled ones nearly devoid of grass, as I crossed the county line. I was careful to avoid tripping over places where the end of the concrete stuck out. It looked as if someone had tried to jackhammer it all up, then stopped half way through.


Taking into account the homes within the Gregory County School District, I narrowed Delilah's neighborhood down to a mere 27 houses. The sun started to set in the distance as I adjusted the backpack again. 


I wandered the streets for two hours, only able to take three houses off my list in the process. These were the abandoned ones, so I knew Delilah wasn't in one of them. The full moon lit my way as I retraced my steps back to the start of the street. The sounds of angry bulldogs scared me and I took off. The straps felt like hot barbed wire as I ran, panting, away from that awful neighborhood. Eventually I found myself back on my street, so I reluctantly took her bag back to the treehouse.


I could barely manage to get the bag up the ladder before I collapsed. 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The next afternoon I sat on the faded carpet in our treehouse once more. A familiar oval face appeared in the doorway. "Brandon!" Never straying from her script, she gave me a wide smile.


"Did you get in trouble with your dad for leaving your bag with me?" I held the backpack up by its straps. If there was going to be an awful encounter to hear about, we had better get it over with.


Delilah blinked. "Um, no... There weren't any problems with him or my teachers." She sat down, poised as always, in her usual spot.


"Really?" I blinked back.


"Uh... yes. I was just as surprised as you are." She took her bag out of my hands, and placed it in my lap. I dropped the issue and we talked for a while about my day. "I have to go." She leaned over and ruffled my hair, brushing it into my eyes. By the time I had pushed it back, she was gone.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Our routine continued for about a week until Delilah arrived one day teary eyed. Her movements were stiff, as if she was in pain. "Brandon." Her smile was less than half hearted. 


"Are you all right Delilah?" She sat her bag in my lap, before sitting on the spot next to me.


"It's just my dad again..." She rubbed her pendant as she spoke.


"There's nothing just about your dad." I held her cold, soft hand in mine. My throat seized up, I couldn't bring myself to ask the dreaded question. "Did he...?"


Delilah swallowed. She didn't answer for a full three minutes. "They..."


"Fucking bastards." 


"Brandon..." 


"They raped you Delilah! There's no way you can be okay with that."


"You think I don't know what they did? Laying back in their recliners afterwards while I...!" She took several deep breaths. "Never mind..."


"Why do you act as if your problems are irrelevant to me and the rest of the world? I'm just trying to help you..." 


"Because they are... you wouldn't understand." Without letting go of my hand she shifted to pull her knees to her chin. "I never asked for your help."


"All you ever say is that I wouldn't understand, but I'm your friend... I'm here to help you." I squeezed her hand gently. 


Delilah tensed as if she wanted to stand and storm out. I knew she wouldn't do anything out of the ordinary like that. It was too unpredictable for her. "Its best you just come to terms with the fact that no one can meet me, and that there's no way for either of us to interfere with the other's life. If you can't... You'd best just forget about me."


I didn't know what to say, so we sat in silence until she stood right on cue. "I ha..."


"You have to go, I understand." I dropped my head to my chest.


I felt her let go of my hand, and then she was gone.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The next afternoon at exactly 3:17 I heard a soft voice in the doorway. "Brandon."


Delilah sat her bag in my lap then sat down. "How was your day?"


"Fine." I fiddled with the tattered backpack straps. "Yours? And I want the honest answer." 


"...Today was okay..." She stared out the treehouse's window, studying the leaves to avoid looking at me. 


"So last night was the problem?" I sat there waiting for her to tell me the truth. I knew what he did to her. I'd seen the bruises on her thighs during a heatwave earlier that summer. I also knew how often he did it. She was too weak to fight back, and she would't let me help. 


Delilah had accused me before of wanting to play the knight in shining armor. She said I made up problems to solve so I could feel wanted. She turned away from me, just waiting until she could leave. "Just forget about me and my problems, lets talk about you."


"No! He's escalating. Its only going to get worse from here..." I yanked her arm and shoved her sweater sleeve up. Her arms were covered in nasty dark purple bruises, the types of bruises that could only come from the hands of a grown man. "Was he drunk again?" Her demeanor's shift was a good enough answer. "Aren't you even a bit worried about what he does to you?" I poked her stomach. "You're always hungry, you're too tired to eat..."


She didn't even turn around. "I have to go." 


I couldn't do anything but watch her leave.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


3:29. I paced around the small treehouse. 3:35 Delilah had never been late. Never. The faster my heart raced the quicker I moved. 3:51. I couldn't stop checking my watch. 4:05. I waited all evening for her, but she never came.


The next day I wandered the streets after she hadn't shown again. "Just forget about me and my problems..." I replayed her words over and over in my head. Had she left me?


I waited, then wandered the next day too. I couldn't sit still. My feet took me to her neighborhood again. I kept hoping she'd look out of one of those houses and see me, but she didn't. The next day, I found her.


It's sad to think that after all Delilah's kindness and compassion, only two people came to her funeral. The grave digger and her only friend. The man didn't see me as I stood next to the casket. I think it was the first time I finally came to terms with the fact that I was just her imaginary friend. 


I was here to protect her from her loneliness, but I couldn't save her from her father. Whether he killed her during another of his vicious attacks, drunk and babbling as he forced himself into his own daughter, or if she took her own life, I guess I'll never know.


But the fact that the bastard wasn't there himself, gave me hope that he'd be in prison for a long time.


Through the wooden lid of the casket, her face was emotionless. Someone had been kind enough to give her long sleeves and pants, so I couldn't see the bruises and scars. Even in death she looked elegant, her pose perfect. She would have appreciated that.


I tried to talk about my made up life of perfection, but in our hearts we both knew I wasn't even real. I often felt real, but if I was, I would have saved her somehow. Delilah wouldn't fight back, and I couldn't. She had always treated herself as if she was the one who didn't truly breathe. And maybe she was right.


I thought it was silly the way she protected my feelings, I had never realized I even had any. I didn't know what to do with myself after Delilah was gone. She was the only one who knew me. 


The only thing I could think to do, was write out Delilah's tale so maybe... maybe she wouldn't be forgotten. I don't know if I'll be stuck here, I'd never considered what would happen to me if Delilah died. I had always hoped she wouldn't need me anymore, and then... I'd just go away.


I still worry about my dear Delilah, and out of habit I still wait for her everyday. She never shows.



Related content
Comments: 97

SarcasticCupcake5 In reply to ??? [2021-09-15 21:36:05 +0000 UTC]

👍: 1 ⏩: 0

Bahogar [2018-09-13 08:23:06 +0000 UTC]

Excellent, intriguing and moving story.

I did get the vibe that she was the imaginary friend, but tbh I read the description first . The ambiguity was nice.

I saw them as approximately the same age, around 12 to 14. For me, both were human; again since Brandon is supposed to be the "normal" person I didn't see him as something out of the ordinary.

The story making sense is not that important to me; the poetry in it matters more, and you did succeed in that aspect.

Come on, this story was original, and your style is great too.

I don't think more details are needed. Hinting at her problems is enough to build the atmosphere; if you had, it would have become too grimy for the overall mood.


And congratulations on the DD!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SarcasticCupcake5 In reply to Bahogar [2018-09-13 09:01:22 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much. ^w^

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Essencia-de-Ambar [2015-09-30 20:36:10 +0000 UTC]

Brandon looks like a twenty year old tipical imaginary creature like a big cute and cuddly monster friend like the ones I draw since i was 12. The girl seems between 8 and 12 years old.
I really want you to keep on writing much more. I didn't get the impression that it was soposed to be delilah the imaginary one. It made me consider it somewhere in the midle of the text though.
Please make an afterlife for brandon if you can. If not let him be reunited with her in heaven or so. Amazing work. Congrats

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SarcasticCupcake5 In reply to Essencia-de-Ambar [2015-09-30 20:47:47 +0000 UTC]

Thank you. ^^

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Essencia-de-Ambar In reply to SarcasticCupcake5 [2015-09-30 21:01:15 +0000 UTC]

You are welcome. Works like yours are what drives me to keep drawing what i love. I am the one that should be thankfull.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SarcasticCupcake5 In reply to Essencia-de-Ambar [2015-09-30 21:14:58 +0000 UTC]

^^

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

nykolasandrews [2015-07-10 11:18:35 +0000 UTC]

1. >>>><<<< That was... That was a great story. I loved the detail you put into it, and the.. everything about it (so pro, right?)
2. Yeah, I did get that vibe, because she would always come at the same time everyday, and she would always put her backpack in his lap, and 'disappeared,' and he could never seem to find her house. But I did find it strange that he got to just walk around, and there was no mention of his home, so I caught on eventually.
3. THAT MADE IT SO FREAKING SAD!!!!! -dies-
4. It makes sense that he wasn't real, but the fact that he continued to exist after she died doesn't, unless you take it as he became his own person after Delilah.
5. Yes, holy crap >< so much praises to you.
6. Maybe some more hinting on/of it in the beginning, but after that, there was the perfect amount of details and such about that topic.
7. YES! DO IT! I WOULD READ THE CRAP OUT OF IT!!!!! She could come back as a ghost, and that would make more sense of why he continues on after she died... (or nah, just a suggestion)

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SarcasticCupcake5 In reply to nykolasandrews [2015-07-10 19:44:51 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much. ^^

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

wispy-blue [2015-07-01 20:24:30 +0000 UTC]

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SarcasticCupcake5 In reply to wispy-blue [2015-07-01 20:26:37 +0000 UTC]

Thanks!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

ArtsyRosey [2015-07-01 18:47:35 +0000 UTC]

Wow, this is a great story! I'll answer your questions.

1. I actually didn't get the vibe that Delilah was the imaginary friend. I figured out that it was probably Brandon pretty soon. (sorry this text is in italics I don't know how to fix it)

2. I thought they were around 12.

3. I think that's a good detail, it makes it sad.

4. I think that it makes sense. It's not as I would usually imagine life after the death of your creator but it can work in a story like this.

5. Yes, it does!

6. Maybe in a sequel you could add more.

7. Yes, add another story!!

By the way, I noticed one grammar mistake. When you have a name at the beginning, end, or middle of the sentence as if the person is speaking to them, there should be commas around it. For example, "I'm sorry Brandon I can't answer that." should be "I'm sorry, Brandon, I can't answer that."

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SarcasticCupcake5 In reply to ArtsyRosey [2015-07-01 18:53:37 +0000 UTC]

Thank you for the feedback. So glad you liked it!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ArtsyRosey In reply to SarcasticCupcake5 [2015-07-01 18:56:39 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

LindArtz [2015-06-30 23:29:28 +0000 UTC]

Congratulations on a much deserved DD! !!  Engaging story with an unusual and very original twist! I quite enjoyed that it caught me completely off guard, which hardly 'ever' happens to me! When it does I am incredibly delighted!

1) I definitely had the idea Delilah was the imaginary friend. I was greatly surprised to say the least. This story left me feeling like I wished I'd written it!

2) I had the impression they were about 15 years old

3) In a longer story, the mention of possible other friends may have held a place, but for a short story (and especially with the title such as it is), immediately suggested that the subject was friendless. Also, the title with it's subtle suggestion, helped greatly support the surprise factor.!!

I don't think the mention (or not) of any real life friends would make one feel sad for her though; rather, I think most people, if anything, begin to wonder 'why' someone would develop an imaginary friend in the first place, and read on to find that answer.
With the ending such as it was, I forgot all about the "whys"; desired no answers - the surprise was that effective!
Later,... I found myself thinking it might be nice to see a continuation. ( you made the character of Brandon seem so real and caring...I found myself caring for him in return.  I kind of wanted to know what became of him...Then I thought,  leaving it as 'is' - would make it more memorable; give it a haunting quality.
It makes people think and ponder for sure! And I love that. Brilliantly paced.

4) The story made sense, yes! Though in a fictional, sci-fi sort of way.  The reader understands straight off - and enjoys that aspect!

5) Yes!!

6) Only if it were a longer story. Since it is a short, the way you have mapped out the detail (as I've said) is brilliant; just enough info to create interest and keep the reader wondering and going; the ending leaving the reader never having seen it coming.
 
Anyway,...My apologies for being such a wind bag, but this story with it's unusual twist I found to be such an exciting idea! Truly good stuff!  You are most deserving of this honor.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SarcasticCupcake5 In reply to LindArtz [2015-06-30 23:33:47 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much for answering my questions, very glad you liked it.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

LindArtz In reply to SarcasticCupcake5 [2015-07-02 13:42:22 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome !

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

WhatIsEmptiness [2015-06-29 00:19:34 +0000 UTC]

Thanks to you (and Steve-C2  whose Featured Suggestion directed me here). I like this. It's very good work. It would have made a perfect Twilight Zone episode. Please excuse my not answering your questions.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SarcasticCupcake5 In reply to WhatIsEmptiness [2015-06-29 00:21:07 +0000 UTC]

Glad you liked it. And that's perfectly okay, I don't mind.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

omnibusjeremius [2015-06-23 20:59:17 +0000 UTC]

I loved this. Very well-done.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SarcasticCupcake5 In reply to omnibusjeremius [2015-06-23 21:04:26 +0000 UTC]

Thanks.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

DC-26 [2015-06-23 15:23:42 +0000 UTC]

Conceptually, this is very interesting, and overall well executed.  I have a few ideas that might be helpful:

I spent the first few paragraphs deciding who was real and who was imaginary - I think this was your goal, but the impact might be more profound if this was more ambiguous until closer to the end.  An alternate title (not that I have any good suggestions!) might help this... or a little some else right towards the start?  That's a bit vague, and possibly just a personal preference.

I didn't get a strong sense for how old the characters are.  If you want us to know, you could drop more hints (e.g., what she has in her book bag?  clothing?).  I don't know that their ages are super relevant to the story, though - and the pretty wide range of 12-16 suggested by another commenter seems fine.

It worked for me that Brandon went on existing after Delilah was gone; she gave him agency, and that didn't go away just because she did.  

I think the level of detail on Delilah's home life is sufficient.  There is enough we know what's going on, and in a way what we imagine will be worse than anything that could be explained.  It is horrifying, terrible, and sad without being graphic/explicit, which seems to treat the subject with needed sensitivity.

I'm interested in learning more about Brandon, because I got to care about these characters in this piece.  I'm also cool with leaving it here, as the ambiguity of his status and the nature of his being is also very appealing, and I think is a great strength of this piece.

Thanks for something that made me think.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SarcasticCupcake5 In reply to DC-26 [2015-06-23 17:37:19 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for the in depth feedback. ^^ Glad my story made you think. 

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

DC-26 In reply to SarcasticCupcake5 [2015-06-23 17:42:33 +0000 UTC]

I'm glad you shared it - it's a great blend of moving and philosophical.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SarcasticCupcake5 In reply to DC-26 [2015-06-23 17:45:39 +0000 UTC]

Thank you. ^^

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

fantasylover103 [2015-06-23 03:34:41 +0000 UTC]

1. At the beginning yes, but then somewhere in the middle I began to think "maybe Brandon is the imaginary friend". It's still a good twist, but nowadays I feel as if some readers are expecting a twist. 

2. Eh like 16. 

3. It made it more sad and believable. I feel as if it wouldn't have been as impactful if Delilah had more friends. If Delilah had more friends I would have been faced with the question of "Why didn't she go to them?" 

4. Indeed it did. :3 

5. No, you accomplished well enough with the few details you gave out. I never felt as if I needed more information as I was reading it, which is a good thing. You had just enough details. If a writer adds too many details, then it gets cluttered and the reader starts to form unnecessary questions. You had just enough details. Don't fret. :3

6. If you really want to write another story, then by all means do it. Do it because you wanna tho, and not because people are telling you too.  

Congrats on the DD! I really did like this piece, it had originality. The twist you put at the end isn't just there to shock, it has meaning as well which makes it inspiring. That twist gives the story depth, makes the reader think. I feel as if this is one of the few stories I've read on here that I'll remember. There are plenty of short stories written on abuse and loneliness. This is one that will be remembered, imo. 

Grand job. It was beautiful. 

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SarcasticCupcake5 In reply to fantasylover103 [2015-06-23 03:36:17 +0000 UTC]

Thank you! Thanks a bunch. ^^

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

fantasylover103 In reply to SarcasticCupcake5 [2015-06-23 03:41:59 +0000 UTC]

No problem. :3

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

PUSYDESTORER101 [2015-06-23 00:38:47 +0000 UTC]

iz suk i doSO vmuch BetER

PLz Love me

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Mudwort [2015-06-23 00:23:21 +0000 UTC]

This is great, I really love it. I'm glad it got a DD- congratulations!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SarcasticCupcake5 In reply to Mudwort [2015-06-23 00:29:39 +0000 UTC]

Thank you!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

StormtheRed [2015-06-23 00:01:17 +0000 UTC]

I'm in tears, I hope you know. I wasn't so surprised to learn Brandon was the imaginary friend, you hinted that in the first few paragraphs. I love that detail.

I think a story like this, brief and powerful, and very very well-written, is the sort of story that stands on its own. We didn't necessarily need more information than we were given.

Lastly, you bring up a great thought. What happens to a child's imaginary friend when the child isn't around anymore? Intense. Keep. Writing.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SarcasticCupcake5 In reply to StormtheRed [2015-06-23 00:08:59 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much!  I will.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

paume-marie [2015-06-22 23:46:58 +0000 UTC]

YES another story about Brandon "living" on after Delilah is a great idea! I really liked this story because of the title I thought their age a little younger 10-12. The fact that she didn't have anyone else was sad and definitely NOT pointless. It showed just how secretive she was and the lengths she went through to keep her secret. It was a very unique perspective that had me believing Brandon was real and Delilah was the imaginary friend. It was a great short story that could be turned into a full novel and I would read that keep writing!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SarcasticCupcake5 In reply to paume-marie [2015-06-22 23:54:41 +0000 UTC]

Thank you. And thanks for the feedback!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

IzzyMarrie [2015-06-22 23:33:43 +0000 UTC]

This was amazing.  I really loved reading this, and the surprise of Brandon being an imaginary friend was beautiful and elegantly well written. 

You see, I actually got a few vibes from this story on what Brandon could be: 

1) perhaps he IS a real boy, but his life depended on her to exist (he DID reveal he was a poet, and so perhaps he was speaking figuratively, calling himself imaginary because to her, she was the only one who actually paid any attention to him-  meaning he only told half truths about his life). 

2) or, alternatively, he might have either been a ghost who never realized he had an existence that came before Delilah, making him idolize her as his creator  (or perhaps a non-violent entity she conjured, and in that case "imaginary friend" is only a half figure of speech meaning he does not properly exist in her world and he cannot effect her life in reality)

3) or, maybe she HAD breathed life into her imaginary friend (which is what I honestly interpreted).  The way she constantly held onto that pendent could have easily been written off as a sentimental necklace but from a fantasy perspective, it's easy to imagine that it's a hint that the girl might have possessed some power (perhaps from that necklace) that breathed life into a mere idea.  Perhaps he was an extension of her.


Either way though, I really loved this story.  No matter how I look at it, it is interesting and can be interpreted in several ways  (which is always nice of a story).

To give you my thoughts: 

Yes, I got the vibe of you trying to make Delilah seem like the imaginary friend, and I love how that was written.

She came across as rather young, but the way Brandon talked made him seem like an unusually well mannered, far more well-spoken boy than what would normally be expected of his age.  But he DID, none-the-less, come across as about 16 - 18, and the way he narrated how Delilah acted gave me the impression that she might have been his age in reality, but acted young due to trauma. 

I like how you added that the narrator isn't real and he lived on after she died.  Since I interpreted him as to coming to life and being an extension of her, it makes it extra tragic because she had to invent someone to not feel lonely, but since he came to life and she's now dead, he's alone.  Also, the way he described how Delilah was trying to protect his feelings, and how he didn't know he had any at first was a great touch.

I think yes, Brandon being a made up friend gave it an interesting twist ending and made it stand out among other stories. 

Finally, no, I think adding more details on Delilah's abusive father would be pointless (in my opinion).  You already added so much detail that painted a great picture of the horrors she faced, but then you left it open enough to give the reader more room to imagine all the other details.  Adding more wouldn't benefit the story and would just be extra details.


Anyways!!  Congratulations on the well deserved DD, and I look forward to reading more from you!  Have a lovely day!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SarcasticCupcake5 In reply to IzzyMarrie [2015-06-22 23:38:37 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much for the in depth feedback. ^^ I love that you had more than one vibe on Brandon's existence. Thanks!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

IzzyMarrie In reply to SarcasticCupcake5 [2015-06-22 23:42:43 +0000 UTC]

You're very much welcome.  I usually don't find enough time to read, but both the title and the very opening intrigued me, and so I just had to read it.  When I did, I couldn't keep my eyes off the screen and I fell in love instantly.  ^_^

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SarcasticCupcake5 In reply to IzzyMarrie [2015-06-22 23:45:04 +0000 UTC]

Thanks, so happy you liked it! ^^

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

IzzyMarrie In reply to SarcasticCupcake5 [2015-06-22 23:47:19 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome!~  ^_^

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Krys10Miles [2015-06-22 20:33:13 +0000 UTC]

Please write another story about what happens to Brandon, I would absolutely love it. And this was a fantastic short story by the way, you have a real talent, definitely keep up the good work!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SarcasticCupcake5 In reply to Krys10Miles [2015-06-22 20:34:27 +0000 UTC]

Oh thank you so much! ^^

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Krys10Miles In reply to SarcasticCupcake5 [2015-06-23 17:19:48 +0000 UTC]

No problem man!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Mawnoos [2015-06-22 20:30:19 +0000 UTC]

Really nice story. Very original in how it makes the imaginary friend the protagonist.
About that sequel thing: what exactly would an imaginary friend do once the "creator" isn't there? They've just lost their only way to interact with reality! You can't do anything with anything after that point!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SarcasticCupcake5 In reply to Mawnoos [2015-06-22 20:33:45 +0000 UTC]

Thank you.

And a couple of people had asked what he would do now. Maybe he could find away to be the imaginary friend of another kid. He still exists without her, perhaps he could do something more than sit in an empty treehouse. I still haven't decided how I like the idea. That's why I asked how other feel about that. ^^

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

PirateLotus-Stock [2015-06-22 19:54:03 +0000 UTC]

Nice work!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SarcasticCupcake5 In reply to PirateLotus-Stock [2015-06-22 20:04:11 +0000 UTC]

Thanks! 

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Celvas [2015-06-22 18:14:34 +0000 UTC]

First off, congratulations on the DD. I may not be able to answer all of your questions.

1. Yes. You managed this very well, especially because the twist is believable. After the fact it seems like "Of course, who of the two was in greater need of a friend?", and that's how it best works. You got me thinking that I could have known, but I only now and then had a slight suspicion in the back of my head, so slight that I didn't pay much attention to it and was surprised either way. Well crafted.

2. That's a tad more difficult. School kids, somewhere between 12 and 16.

3. Not pointless, I wouldn't say. Underlining the fact that she was both alone and lonely. Usually, people try to pretend they had no idea or that there had always been certain issues, blaming it all on the victim, when something as drastic as death comes to pass. Funerals like that like to line themselves with strangers. That's just personal experience, though, and has nothing much to do with the tone the lonely funeral sets. It's really difficult for me to read about that, because she really had no one except which she created with her own mind, struggling every day with the question whether Brandon would still be there, and being surprised that he was. I sometimes wonder if this is how my brother felt, in fact: completely alone.

4. Your story, your reality. You did a good job of it, and while we all try to think that imaginary friends have not existed to begin with, there is novelty in the idea that, once created, they won't simply "uncreate" because their creator has left. God has left humanity, and we're still here. That Brandon would keep existing without his creator is not so far-fetched as to break suspension of disbelief.

5. I believe I answered that in point 1.

6. No. If anything, the story could have done with more subtlety on part of her background. But that's splitting hairs, really. It's a worthwhile read.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SarcasticCupcake5 In reply to Celvas [2015-06-22 18:17:11 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much for the feedback!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Celvas In reply to SarcasticCupcake5 [2015-06-22 18:17:58 +0000 UTC]

Did you read it all? I accidentally commented before I was done.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1


| Next =>