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Scilene — Thus far Unnamed Song Thing
Published: 2010-09-19 17:54:31 +0000 UTC; Views: 116; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 3
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Description I'd trade mystery for comfort in an instant
This facade isn't fooling anyone
This pain isn't the type to be eased easily, is it?
Forgive me if I'd rather that I died

I'm sorry I can't seem to get it right
And that I loathe myself so strongly in the worst way
Can you please forgive me for my weaknesses
And hold me so I can sleep tonight?

Maybe I was wrong about what I said before
I'm far too selfish to wanna let you go
I would gladly give it all up for you
But I don't believe it has to be that way

I'm sorry I can't seem to get it right
And that I loathe myself so strongly in the worst way
Can you please forgive me for my weaknesses
And hold me so I can sleep tonight?

Is it really all that wrong for me to need you?
I wish you wouldn't have had me go away
I start to wonder what all this was really for
And then I think that maybe you're afraid

I'm sorry I can't seem to get it right
And that I loathe myself so strongly in the worst way
Can you please forgive me for my weaknesses
And hold me so I can sleep tonight?
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Scilene - Time Travel
Comments: 7

logonomicon [2010-09-26 21:44:53 +0000 UTC]

This is pretty epic, my friend, and the rhythm, at least as I treat this as a poem, is as good as it gets.

Your word choice is typically good, though I think you might do well to choose more formal toned words at some places, for no reason other than that most of the piece uses that tone.

Either way though, something about this, perhaps the straightforwardness in it, really makes it stand out. Very well done.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Scilene In reply to logonomicon [2010-09-26 21:49:26 +0000 UTC]

Thanks a lot. I was worried that the straightforwardness made it suck, but I suppose that's the whole vulnerability thing that makes everyone oh-so uncomfortable.

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logonomicon In reply to Scilene [2010-09-27 00:57:47 +0000 UTC]

I don't see why this would make someone uncomfortable, if they were thinking about it. It's at least as upbeat as any alternative rock song out there.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Scilene In reply to logonomicon [2010-09-27 14:47:39 +0000 UTC]

Heh, maybe it's just that I'm no good with being straightforward and would rather hide away in a small enclosed space. lol

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

druid69 [2010-09-20 04:12:44 +0000 UTC]

I like it, though I think easily eased flows better than eased easily. I'm not really comfortable with using the same root word twice in a row in a song, perhaps easily ended or easily erased, although either substitution could be said to change the meaning if what you want to convey is that the pain can only ever be eased and not ended.

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Scilene In reply to druid69 [2010-09-20 12:40:18 +0000 UTC]

Oh, thanks. Yeah, the redundancy was intentional, my friend made a similar comment. I might keep it, not completely sure yet.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

druid69 In reply to Scilene [2010-09-20 13:10:32 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome. It can't be easily dismissed as being redundant simply because you're using the same base word ease. Easily is the adverb modifing the verb eased's occurance. Pain easily makes no sense by itself. Pain eased does. So it can't be redundant. Its a verb with a modifier. If you really want the meaning then by all means use the two words in conjunction. Its just that the past tense of ease closes a line being sung better than does easily. Eased easily is more of a tounge twister that will probablly not flow as well vocally as easily eased. Plus I think its going to be easier on an audience interpreting it.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0