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Published: 2004-09-23 00:11:40 +0000 UTC; Views: 387; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 17
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Description
A stranger holds a withered roseIn such a place to match the death
And stirs its petals brown and dry
With every still and mocking breath
Red lips quiver, wet and dark
And brown eyes blink to dry a tear
And though he holds her by the hand
It's just as if he were not here
The sky is dead, the earth is grey
And she herself is but the rose
Held in his hand, so very sad
A beauty caught up in the throws
Her dress is dull, her skin is white
For color is no more, no more
And he who holds her, clad in black
She calls her lover nevermore
Betwixt the dirt and sky above
He sleeps beneath the coldest stone
And she who stands and holds his hand
Can never feel but for alone
Comments: 15
shadowpuppet13 In reply to Special-A380 [2004-09-30 19:52:15 +0000 UTC]
thanks! and i still owe you so much for, uh, you know what, lol, so i cant say die. damn. haha
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deadrose828 [2004-09-23 21:45:43 +0000 UTC]
awesome as usual I like that other one better though- um... 'love' i think... but i can't really compare they're all great ^^ I think it's that maybe I don't understand this one as well as the other.... silly writers and their superior intellect!
though
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shadowpuppet13 In reply to deadrose828 [2004-09-23 23:34:47 +0000 UTC]
lol its ok, you kind of have to know me really well to understand most of this. and have to be really familiar with all my stuff since i tend to use the same metaphors to represent certain things in all of my poems. but thanks for the comment, im glad you liked it
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wolf02 [2004-09-23 17:30:20 +0000 UTC]
While this is so much better then anything I can write, it just doesn't match up to your best poems. Well done though
9/10
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shadowpuppet13 In reply to wolf02 [2004-09-23 20:24:14 +0000 UTC]
aww, there goes you and your no self-esteem again!! haha, and really? you dont think so? well, i have been in kind of a slump recently, i dont know why...but hey this is good slump-work!! lol
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wolf02 In reply to shadowpuppet13 [2004-09-23 22:22:58 +0000 UTC]
hey I'm not saying mine is bad, I'm just saying yours is SO much better, lol. Yea it is great for a slump, lol
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shadowpuppet13 In reply to wolf02 [2004-09-23 23:36:02 +0000 UTC]
fine, whatever, mr. no self-esteem, lol i could argue and tell you yours is better but then we'd be here all day, haha
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wolf02 In reply to shadowpuppet13 [2004-09-24 11:51:42 +0000 UTC]
lol well then you'd be the one with low self-esteem lol
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Forsakend-Shadow [2004-09-23 04:50:01 +0000 UTC]
I like this, I like this alot Chloe. Your writting inspiration is slowly comming back, makes me excited. ::grins::
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shadowpuppet13 In reply to Forsakend-Shadow [2004-09-23 20:19:55 +0000 UTC]
yay, i have excited you, haha.
~Chloe (is peculiar)
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teriathanin [2004-09-23 00:14:49 +0000 UTC]
Very nice, good rhythm and and fantastic metaphor
my one criticism is a technical thing.
in line 12 it should be 'throes', not 'throws'.
damn word programs and their inability to read English, ne?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
shadowpuppet13 In reply to teriathanin [2004-09-23 00:21:05 +0000 UTC]
oh, bleh..
thanks though, for the comment. and im glad you like the metaphor!
~chloe (is quite fond of metaphors)
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