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                             Chapter Twenty-Six: Facing the Specter

It wasn't that he was scared of the meditation; no he was scared of who was there.  Ever since that one night in the hospital when he had drunk himself into oblivion it had been with him; watching and waiting a specter with riddles

Fill the portrait it would say, taunting him

He was afraid to look, afraid that no matter how much he wanted to believe it, Demeter was not the one.  He had thought that about Elia, look where that got him; alone, well maybe not alone but it sure as hell felt like it.  He sat down after lighting a few sticks of incense and dimming the lights having put on some light classical music; he closed his eyes and began to breath.  It wasn't too long before he started to drift; this part wasn't strange as much as comfortable he felt a buzzing as his body let go, then it zoomed back in and he was standing in a field, only this time the field contained a house.  It looked like his but very skewed, the angles were all wrong.  He walked towards it not sure what the house held at all, he walked in and it was like looking at a different place he knew what it was but not how it got there.  As he walked Caleb glanced at a mirror and what he beheld made him flinch; this was a more weathered man, a man of twenty two but who had seen more than he could've ever imagined.

Sure enough he had turned away from this mirror and saw the specter standing in front of him with a self satisfied smile on his face:

"Who are you?" Caleb asked

"I am variations, I am predictions" the specter answered

"Fuck this game" he said and he walked passed him into the hall that he knew he should walk past

'Fine, I am your doubt, I am your shadow; I am in more than one way you"

"That is impossible, I am me"

The specter sighed, "You sit on a spectral plain and expect the things that are possible to unfold?  Surely you aren't that stupid Caleb Brown"

He felt a tug deep inside himself, as if someone had just ripped out a part of himself, "What the hell was that?"

"Names hold power hear, your story is told by your name; your story is in your name"

"I'm sure that's the case" Caleb said lightly having been standing in the hall that he was supposed to be in for a few minutes, but that few minutes had stretched out like an hour and yet no time at all. Whatever this was he was sure that it didn't hold rules in the same regard as reality. He turned to face the pictures; he didn't know all of their names, nor could he remember all of them being romantically linked to him but he was sure each and everyone held a story.  If he could've he would have stayed and studied all of them in detail; but that wasn't why he was here, he ran his fingers along the wall and heard the whispers of the past

I love you, you will always be mine, you are mine don't you see?  I can't handle this, you're pushing me I've found someone new.  I release you.

His fingers left behind a streak of blood, and he looked at it curiously; he continued to walk until he landed on what he was looking for, the empty picture frame, it had filled in, but the face was still obscured and the more he tried to clear it in his mind the harder it got to see it he finally gave it up and looked at his shadow

"What is this?"

"It is how you manifest the astral plain you need"

"What do you mean?"

"Let's say you're dealing with lust; the lust of a past love and you're having a hard time coming to grips with it.  I might have come to you in a club, even started out as the one you were thinking of played tricks and games with you that way.  But that isn't what you need Caleb; you aren't dealing with lust as much as you're dealing with abandonment.", the specter stretched his hand out "each one of these girls, left you, pushed your or let you go when what you really wanted was someone to see you and not what everyone else sees"

Caleb nodded only half understanding; he couldn't grasp it, but he wasn't sure he was supposed to grasp it yet.  As he turned back around the picture still taunted him "Who is that?" he said pointing to the picture

"It is a goddess"

"Demeter?"

"I do not know their names Caleb, I only know what you need to hear" he sighed "but there is one that is ready to be closed."

A child's specter stepped out from behind his shadow "Hello Brother"

Caleb nearly lost it, she was clothed and white and bathed in a light just as bright.  There was no mistaking her, she had the same fair skin and blond hair as she had when she died, and it was Jayne.  His sister looked like how he remembered but was more mature than what he had imagined

"Jayne, I'm so sorry" he said choking back tears

"Brother it is not your fault; anybody could have made the mistake you did, you owned up to your mistake though and took mothers berating like a man.  Do not hate her for this, she just doesn't know how else to handle it; she has no one to blame so she blames the easiest thing, you"

Caleb nodded in an almost understanding way; he couldn't understand his shadow's ramblings but his sisters he did.  It had been a long time since she died, he was young and in no way to blame but still he held a lot of guilt over that.  It was because that was what his mother wanted him to believe, it had driven a wedge between him and his mother that never fully healed.

"I understand sister" he knelt on the ground in the dirty house hugging her close
The specter of a little girl hugged him back and that was when his eyes opened; he still sat in the middle of the room eerily calmed by what just happened, he knew somewhere deep inside that yes his sister had forgiven him even, hell she didn't even think he was at fault the pictures in the hall were just a small piece of his life he needn't worry about things like that he should just let things go and form as the will eventually.

He had just stood up when he noticed a figure in the door way; it was Demeter home early from her trip he couldn't help it, he walked over and hugged her tight. She returned the affection and then asked

"So pet, are you ready for training or are you even worthy?"

Description
                             Chapter Twenty-Six: Facing the Specter

It wasn't that he was scared of the meditation; no he was scared of who was there.  Ever since that one night in the hospital when he had drunk himself into oblivion it had been with him; watching and waiting a specter with riddles

Fill the portrait it would say, taunting him

He was afraid to look, afraid that no matter how much he wanted to believe it, Demeter was not the one.  He had thought that about Elia, look where that got him; alone, well maybe not alone but it sure as hell felt like it.  He sat down after lighting a few sticks of incense and dimming the lights having put on some light classical music; he closed his eyes and began to breath.  It wasn't too long before he started to drift; this part wasn't strange as much as comfortable he felt a buzzing as his body let go, then it zoomed back in and he was standing in a field, only this time the field contained a house.  It looked like his but very skewed, the angles were all wrong.  He walked towards it not sure what the house held at all, he walked in and it was like looking at a different place he knew what it was but not how it got there.  As he walked Caleb glanced at a mirror and what he beheld made him flinch; this was a more weathered man, a man of twenty two but who had seen more than he could've ever imagined.

Sure enough he had turned away from this mirror and saw the specter standing in front of him with a self satisfied smile on his face:

"Who are you?" Caleb asked

"I am variations, I am predictions" the specter answered

"Fuck this game" he said and he walked passed him into the hall that he knew he should walk past

'Fine, I am your doubt, I am your shadow; I am in more than one way you"

"That is impossible, I am me"

The specter sighed, "You sit on a spectral plain and expect the things that are possible to unfold?  Surely you aren't that stupid Caleb Brown"

He felt a tug deep inside himself, as if someone had just ripped out a part of himself, "What the hell was that?"

"Names hold power hear, your story is told by your name; your story is in your name"

"I'm sure that's the case" Caleb said lightly having been standing in the hall that he was supposed to be in for a few minutes, but that few minutes had stretched out like an hour and yet no time at all. Whatever this was he was sure that it didn't hold rules in the same regard as reality. He turned to face the pictures; he didn't know all of their names, nor could he remember all of them being romantically linked to him but he was sure each and everyone held a story.  If he could've he would have stayed and studied all of them in detail; but that wasn't why he was here, he ran his fingers along the wall and heard the whispers of the past

I love you, you will always be mine, you are mine don't you see?  I can't handle this, you're pushing me I've found someone new.  I release you.

His fingers left behind a streak of blood, and he looked at it curiously; he continued to walk until he landed on what he was looking for, the empty picture frame, it had filled in, but the face was still obscured and the more he tried to clear it in his mind the harder it got to see it he finally gave it up and looked at his shadow

"What is this?"

"It is how you manifest the astral plain you need"

"What do you mean?"

"Let's say you're dealing with lust; the lust of a past love and you're having a hard time coming to grips with it.  I might have come to you in a club, even started out as the one you were thinking of played tricks and games with you that way.  But that isn't what you need Caleb; you aren't dealing with lust as much as you're dealing with abandonment.", the specter stretched his hand out "each one of these girls, left you, pushed your or let you go when what you really wanted was someone to see you and not what everyone else sees"

Caleb nodded only half understanding; he couldn't grasp it, but he wasn't sure he was supposed to grasp it yet.  As he turned back around the picture still taunted him "Who is that?" he said pointing to the picture

"It is a goddess"

"Demeter?"

"I do not know their names Caleb, I only know what you need to hear" he sighed "but there is one that is ready to be closed."

A child's specter stepped out from behind his shadow "Hello Brother"

Caleb nearly lost it, she was clothed and white and bathed in a light just as bright.  There was no mistaking her, she had the same fair skin and blond hair as she had when she died, and it was Jayne.  His sister looked like how he remembered but was more mature than what he had imagined

"Jayne, I'm so sorry" he said choking back tears

"Brother it is not your fault; anybody could have made the mistake you did, you owned up to your mistake though and took mothers berating like a man.  Do not hate her for this, she just doesn't know how else to handle it; she has no one to blame so she blames the easiest thing, you"

Caleb nodded in an almost understanding way; he couldn't understand his shadow's ramblings but his sisters he did.  It had been a long time since she died, he was young and in no way to blame but still he held a lot of guilt over that.  It was because that was what his mother wanted him to believe, it had driven a wedge between him and his mother that never fully healed.

"I understand sister" he knelt on the ground in the dirty house hugging her close
The specter of a little girl hugged him back and that was when his eyes opened; he still sat in the middle of the room eerily calmed by what just happened, he knew somewhere deep inside that yes his sister had forgiven him even, hell she didn't even think he was at fault the pictures in the hall were just a small piece of his life he needn't worry about things like that he should just let things go and form as the will eventually.

He had just stood up when he noticed a figure in the door way; it was Demeter home early from her trip he couldn't help it, he walked over and hugged her tight. She returned the affection and then asked

"So pet, are you ready for training or are you even worthy?"