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Published: 2013-12-30 07:27:24 +0000 UTC; Views: 3236; Favourites: 97; Downloads: 28
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This year has been the hardest of my life to date. It has been filled with confusions, regrets, furies, shames, false hopes, jealousies, and, throughout it all, the creeping worms of self loathing. It has been a psychological torment that I could not, would not, walk away from, because the agony of love is as powerful as it is stubborn. It has been the ripping off of a bandage. It has been the drowning of an animal. Excruciating, frenzied, desperate, but nonetheless inevitable. Every day had been painful in big or small ways, every memory had been laced with unanswered questions and untraveled roads. Even still, they follow me like cobwebs caught on my clothes. There are still voices down those corridors that echo.
But I can hold my head up knowing that I fought harder than I have for anything. And even though this is not the way I wanted the story of my life to be written, I am filled with hope because my story isn't even close to being finished yet. Beyond that horizon is something new and something better. It's a new year. A fresh start. What wonders lay in wait for me over those hills? I'm not sure, but I am thrilled to find out.
To those of you who have in some way or other crossed paths with me during this tumultuous time, I give you my sincerest apologies. I know I have left many people bewildered and frustrated because of my erratic behavior, and I have kept myself emotionally distant because of the uncertainty that I had been dealing with. To those of you who ran for cover, I don't blame you. But to those of you who stuck around, you are my greatest friends and I love you all. You have been my biggest supports and my brightest lights during this rough journey, and I don't know what I'd do without you A happy new year for everyone!
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This is the first and probably only picture I have made/will make of Earth Angel flying. She has always been an earth pony in my mind, just with wings attached. She can fly (amateurishly), she just chooses not to. She dislikes flying, dislikes her wings, and usually refuses to use them out of sheer spite. Fluttershy may be content with hovering a few feet off the ground, Scootaloo may dream of one day performing daring feats in the sky like Rainbow Dash, but Earth Angel wishes she had just been born without wings at all. It's totally pointless for her since her talent involves dirt and things that grow from it. Plus she thinks it's an alien feeling. I mean think about, weird, itchy appendages sticking out of your shoulders? Molting? Wing boners? Gah! Creepy. No thank you, says Earth Angel. Not to mention, the less she flew, the more other pegasi made fun of her when she was younger, only further cementing the negative connotations of wings in her mind.
But every so often... Very rarely, when nobody is around, even EA gets an itch to spread those wings and take off. When she's feeling powerful, alive, and determined, she sets her sights on the horizon and loses herself in the clouds.
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Comments: 25
Shadowwolf In reply to PlotTwistthePegasus [2015-10-27 18:13:47 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much
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yamibanner In reply to Shadowwolf [2014-06-09 23:22:18 +0000 UTC]
Being a pegasus, she may as well do the regular pony thing, but still be able to manipulate clouds. That could be neat. Probably sleeps on a bed made of clouds.
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yamibanner In reply to Shadowwolf [2014-06-10 20:21:18 +0000 UTC]
Oh, well im sure she'd have something of the sort. Doubt she'd make her life excessively harder than it already is.
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Prongy [2014-01-12 02:21:53 +0000 UTC]
I don't know what you've been going through, but I totally feel for you on horrible years and hope for the new one. I've been homeless since February last year, staying wherever I can (currently with my aunt, who isn't a healthy person to be around quite honestly). Hoping to finally get a job after 60+ applications and months upon months of aggressive searching. And I've gone days at a time without food just so I can save money every month to pay board for my horse (huge other can o' worms there). But this new year looks better. I'm going to school starting this month. I'm hopefully getting a job because my boyfriend has connections (well...wouldn't say Noodles & Co. is my dream job, but it's something). I'm moving the horse to a cheaper and better location next week. Things will get better. I don't dwell on the negative anymore, because all it does is just bring more negativity. Instead I look forward to all the good and am grateful for what I do have and what I have yet to achieve, for that positivity will bring me those good things. Stay positive. You are amazing and you can pull through anything that is thrown in your path.
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Shadowwolf In reply to Prongy [2014-01-12 04:45:54 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much for the kind words! I'm glad to hear that you still have your horse. You have been in my thoughts lately after I read your journal on FA mentioning him. I was worried you would have to find a new home for him. Rehoming pets against your will is heartbreaking, and I hope things can work out and get better for you all soon.
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PaleHok [2013-12-31 04:08:36 +0000 UTC]
Totally with you on worst year to date, but 2014 is a new year with new promises, and you never know. It could just turn out to be the best year of your life (: I hope the tide changes for you this new year. One thing I hope to do is to write a note of something that made me happy frequently, put them in a jar throughout the year, and at the end of the year, open it up and reflect upon the good times. Even if I don't have the best year, it will remind me it wasn't all bad, and maybe something like that would be enjoyable for you too n___n
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Shadowwolf In reply to PaleHok [2013-12-31 08:34:02 +0000 UTC]
That's a wonderful idea, I like it a lot! I have just the jar for the job too (been sitting in my room for who knows how long...) I know you've been having a rough year too and my heart goes out to you. I hope you have a better 2014, I know you deserve it
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PaleHok In reply to Shadowwolf [2013-12-31 23:21:32 +0000 UTC]
Haha, I have yet to find a jar but I'll get a big one soon. I'm going to attempt to get the fiance in on it but whether he will or not is another story, lol.
Thanks ;; I'm sure it will be better for us both!
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MidnightGhostsHowl [2013-12-30 16:23:12 +0000 UTC]
Although I am sad to say I didn't keep up with you by talking to you personally during all this, I am aware of certain things going on, simply due to your facebook. I feel bad for not having done so, but I did want to let you know that I am happy that your outlook for the year to come is a positive one. It is the best to help your mental state about this, simply because it will allow for those times to become a mental reality. Think down, bad, sad, not worthwhile, that's what you get. Think positive, hope, smiles and comfort of loved ones, you will get that instead.
Just keep in mind that it takes a lot of courage in general to be able to acknowledge that something is seriously wrong, that you know things were really bad and that you wanted everyone to know it. It is the first step to recovering your self, both in mind and in spirit. I speak from experience as I have had the same thing this year. It took a lot for me to say certain things to my loved ones, even though I should have told them first. Keep your positive outlook going, it'll see you through. <3
As a final note, I love the simplicity of this image. Though mostly in shadows, you get the feeling of finality, of 'this has to happen now, look at my courage'. It sums up very well the reason for the drawing. Gorgeous work as always~ <3
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Shadowwolf In reply to MidnightGhostsHowl [2013-12-31 08:28:50 +0000 UTC]
It's true that we attract what we put out. So if we put out positive energy, we get positive feedback in return! It sounds simple, but I'm sure you know as well as I it's easier said than done And believe me, I learned a valuable lesson in expression/sharing of emotions this year. It wasn't until I started talking to my friends and family that I realized how bad things were, how much it was not okay, and that I needed to stand up for myself. Prior, I had been keeping everything inside, keeping myself in denial, and I felt like I was dying because of it. I'm glad that you found the strength to communicate this year too. It really makes all the different when you share the things that are hurting you with the people who care for you. May you have a happy new year this 2014!
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MidnightGhostsHowl In reply to Shadowwolf [2014-03-04 07:44:03 +0000 UTC]
Ack, I meant to reply to this so long ago but things have been so crazy >.< We both seemed to pretty much have the same year, in terms of realizing things, hmn? And I would be the first to agree that it's a big step for us both. I'm really happy as of late, with things that were changed, and I can see, despite the stuff your dog and other things, you seem to be keeping your chin up too. It's important! I know it ^^ Here's to a start of a pretty good year so far!
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Bear-hybrid [2013-12-30 15:10:50 +0000 UTC]
This is a really beautiful picture shaddie! I really hope you can continue forward to better things in 2014
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Shadowwolf In reply to Bear-hybrid [2013-12-30 20:45:55 +0000 UTC]
I can dooo eeeet! Thanks! may your 2014 be wonderous as well.
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GTX-Media [2013-12-30 08:06:44 +0000 UTC]
So much awesome, both in the description and in the image.
And I'm still here. We just don't seem to chat much.
Just think, there's always a point where it either "can't get any worse", or you reach a point where you "won't let it get worse". Thus, the future holds things much better, even if it technically stays the same as it is now, it will at least have a more positive outlook, right?
I don't know the story you have for Earth Angel... but I think I want to find out.
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Shadowwolf In reply to GTX-Media [2013-12-30 10:18:13 +0000 UTC]
Don't I know it! I hit rock bottom that's for sure, and there's nowhere else to go but up from here.
If I were better at writing I'd give her story some proper justice, but for now she lives only in art and in the descriptions of my art, and my mind xD
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saturnstrings [2013-12-30 07:32:19 +0000 UTC]
gosh this is beautiful omg ;o;<33
and remember to never give up because theres something inside you that made you keep trying despite all the things that ever happened<3
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