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shellmonster — 4 hours
Published: 2008-08-06 20:14:00 +0000 UTC; Views: 167; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 5
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Description
i was 22 when she arrivedkicking and fluttering inside
i was just married and naive
when he moved me
4 hours north
of family, friends, and my life
i used to dance
but that was
4 hours south
of new family, no friends, and no life
i used to be thin
but that was
4 hours south
of new family, no friends, and no life
i was 31 when i realized
there's a piece of me still missing
i left it behind
4 hours to the south
of new family, new friends, and new life
i want to dance
please take me
4 hours south
to old roads, old friends, and a new life
-aug 5 2008-
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Comments: 7
I like the meaning behind the words, it's not that bad. And well formatted.
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yeah, i try to, even with my open style, keep some sense of rhythm and flow. i just don't feel that the piece is REALLY finsihed. arg. im out of practice, lol. thanks for faving it, btw!
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You're welcome.
And don't worry, your writing is like a masterpiece against my scribbles
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o wow thanks! and stop expecting your work to be poo-poo'd! as you continue to write your work will only get better. but you have to be more confident about what you put down. the werewolf poem you posted that i just read is good! sure, it might need tweaking, but hell, most of mine need that too.
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It's really bad though. >:
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the werewolf one? not at all. i think youll find if you dont look at it for a while, and then come back to it, that witha bit of tweaking it will be a poem to be proud of. dont give up!
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