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SilverInkblot — He doesn't write poetry anymore.
Published: 2013-05-18 02:43:36 +0000 UTC; Views: 5664; Favourites: 144; Downloads: 2
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He doesn’t write poetry anymore,even if he still collects it, reads it, saves it, treasures
faded verses from his wife the way connoisseurs
savor vinyl over metallic rainbows on disc.
I don’t mind not knowing, but I can’t stand not asking.
The record needle hits the groove wrong;
he stumbles over words that aren’t there,
rummaging for an answer he doesn’t really have.
He doesn’t write poetry anymore
and his confusion is strangely endearing.
But there’s a lyricism to his words that I love,
poetic lines inserted between the daily grind
of character names and who said what;
voiceless boys in white and draymen carting the dead to saltwater lakes,
elegiac undertones that haunt historians and forlorn painters.
He doesn’t write poetry anymore –
except when he does.
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Comments: 50
This is very interesting. A poem about a man who does not write poems anymore. At the start of the poem, you described how he collects and reads poems, but never writes them. I liked how you put some creativity into the second paragraph sounding like he was trying to write poems again but couldn't because he couldn't make any sense. As if time was catching up to him, making writing very difficult. And I love how you described how he made these poems back a long time ago bringing back the golden age. I really enjoyed that poem! It makes me want to get back into it.
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I was attempting to show that even though this person doesn't write poems anymore, he does write prose that often turns out very poetic. But your spin on it is very interesting as well 
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Ohhh. I get it now! But still good poem!
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Hello! You asked for a critique on this piece so i'll do the best i can, but bear in mind that i'm not as good at appreciating poetry as i should be.
First of all, i like the concept of the poem. I like poems that sort of tell a story and aren't super super ambiguous and abstract. I like how you don't give the guy a name, but then i went rummaging and discovered a mysterious man named "doc". Who is this person? I want the story. (i don't mean add it into the poem, i mean i want you to tell me now in a comment)
I thought the first stanza was a bit of a whirl. For me, the 2nd, 3rd and 4th lines were really quick and i still can't decide if i liked it or not. It sort of made it feel like there was a need for something, but i don't know what. The writer's need to know, maybe? I wasn't sure.
My favourite stanza was the 3rd stanza, but the last two lines felt like a bit of a push. The lines throughout the poem have different syllables in each, but this one in particular jumps from 13, 13, 9 and then goes 17, 18. Reaching the ends of those two lines was a bit of a push for me, i felt a little out of breath getting there when reading to the same rhythm as the rest -- yes, i read all poetry aloud. I'm not sure if this is what you were going for, if it is, great, but i'd have liked something a little easier.
Personally, if i'm honest, i'd have liked some more sound effects. Things like rhyme and alliteration, but not only those and not in the conventional rhymes at the ends of lines and alliterating words right next to each other. I think maybe if there was a little internal rhyme -- even just half rhyme -- it would be nice. I just like poems that have a lot of sound and make a lot of noise.
I liked the ending, how you drop cleanly from 10 syllables to 5, it sort of leaves a lingering feeling right at the end.
Well done, keep it up!
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I'll come back to who Doc is later
Maybe I could clarify what exactly the speaker wants to know/ ask?
I don't even think about syllables unless I'm writing in form 
If I'm bad at thinking about syllables, I'm really bad at thinking about rhyme. If I'm going to use it at all, it's got to be consistent, so it's not something I would add to this one.
As for who Doc is, the story proper is rather long, so I'll give you the abridged version: Doc is a magnificent professor I met two years ago who has since become a good friend to me. He has a lot of influence in my life, so I write about him a lot, both in my journals and in my writing. He's the only real person I've ever written about so much that I had to give him his own folder
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Yeah, you could clarify what they're asking 
Ah. Why do you only use rhyme consistently? My problem is that I always look for rhythm or sound effects but this piece has an uneven rhythm and not many sound effects so it doesn't stick with me. I like irregularly rhyme/half rhyme/false rhyme because it sticks with me, especially in a poem where things aren't perfect.
And ah, okay, I see
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I'm a sucker for a good metaphor, and the comparison to the vinyl and records really made me happy.
The first two paragraphs were my favorite. The third one for me felt a bit...off, but I'm not sure really how to describe it. (I'm the greatest at feedback.) The last two lines made me smile though. Overall, I really loved it. My favorite part of this poem was your tone.
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There's always that 'other way of doing it, i really like this
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yeah yeah, some people are weirdly poetic when they talk, i agree. it's not fair, but then again i'm the one who's so easily fascinated so i should just be grateful to these sorts of people. 
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It's actually when he writes prose that he's so poetic. His poetry (that I've read, which isn't much) is very conversational, but his prose is very lyrical. But I wrote this well before I'd ever read any of his poetry; I had to bug him a while to get him to slip me some
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Thank you. It's one of my personal favorites
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Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DailyLitDeviations in a news article that can be found here dailylitdeviations.deviantart.…
Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by 
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I absolutely adore this. Have you read the Great Gatsby? It reminds me of something like that
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I've read it multiple times for at least two different classes, though I can't fathom how you're getting a Great Gatsby vibe out of it 
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Yes, your writing style is very similar to Fitzgerald (based on what I've read in this poem)
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My pleasure, how have you been? Seems like we haven't chatted in quite a while. I've been a bit distracted as of late.
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I vary between pretty good and anxious to the point of uselessness
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That's quite a bit of variation right there. I hear you though. Life is quite the roller coaster sometimes.
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I don't always write poetry, but when I don't, I do.
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but of course, lauren darling
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I'll have to look up that quote for some more context; it's interesting
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It's from the movie Waking Life.
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This is just beautiful! I love how you used Flustered and built this lovely poem around it.
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Thank you
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Those tend to become the best poems, anyway, lol.
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You know, I have this theory that we are all writers of prose/poetry--writing the story of our lives as we live. That is what I was thinking of when I read your piece. And I can tell he is probably a good writer to have inspired someone else in this fashion.
Nice work.
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I like that theory
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Yes...the discombobulation factor. Watching it wash over someone.
lol. Seems to be good inspiration.
I blush very easily. And many times I bring it on myself, but I have never grown out of it and am pushing 40!! Totally embarrassing.
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