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skyOrange β trance
Published: 2002-04-21 07:27:36 +0000 UTC; Views: 523; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 42
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Description
.beneath the pulsating
platinum light
and the drowning techno beat,
there i stirred and swayed
for the eyes of the spoonman
who wasn't even watching.
/trance/
ruth.jacob
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Comments: 44
*woah!!* lol interestingly amazingly wonderfully...short..yet..quite the charm!!
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it is quite amazing when so few words can present such overwhelming imagery and emotions. your words are creative, unique. the way you place them, as if they were finely crafted to perfection. a lovely piece. i'll be adding you to my devwatch.
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For me, this opens memories...some good and some bad, but all are in the same time frame and atmosphere of this setting.
I can see many meanings in this, many scenereos, many wants and needs and cravings, individualizing themsleves with corresponding interpretation.
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i like short poems... not too tough to read, yet if well written (such as this) able to tell a full, powerful story in so few words.
im sorry the spoonman didn't see you, hopefully it was fun anyway
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I am trying to understand where you are coming from here.
To me it talks of those times when you are dancing in a club, with people just staring, almost looking straight through you, not interetsed in the person. I guess I would call it the 'meat market' syndrome.
Anyway, thats the image I conjured up.
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rather short, but totally in the spirit of trance... I think. It conveys the picture pretty well.
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ahhh yeah... you're awesome use of unexpected words. i like this one.
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interesting poem
i love the beginning
nice choice of words
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wow! that gives a perfect picture in my head, beautiful work!
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Help fight cancer with deviantART: [link]
[link]
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Very tight. An instant image of music, light, and emotion. Taps into the techno-associations stored in the backroom of my brain. Brevity works well here.
~aesta
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[link] | [link]
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really awesome. i saw my self how you described you there. and i love short pieces. and thank you SO much for giving me my first DD! i hate that my computer was dead during that week, but im still happy, THANK YOU SO MUCH!
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its strange how much a few little words can say...this is a wonderful poem for many different reasons...it seems to paint a perfect image in the mind and while reading i could picture it all...the light, the music...it all came in mind...the way that it flowed was also a great thing...it seemed to roll perfectly right off of the tounge and into the air only to be breathed in again...its a beautiful poem
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And the bongos are replaced with 'nce, 'nce, 'nce, 'nce 'nce, 'nce, 'nce, 'nce.
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needing less creative lockdown::: [link]
poxet industriesΒ©
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I like how you captured a moment so nicely in just a few lines. For why do we dance...
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-Halx
It is not easy being sticky.
[link]
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well, as a fellow worshipper of trance music and what it can do to the human soul...a beautiful poem that captures the intensity of the whole situation quite well. And yes, in agreeance with the general sentiment, it is short and sweet, which makes it powerful.
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Wow i feel like Im tripping. that was sooo cool. On a serious note i think that short work rocks despite none of my work being short.... Im off to write a short piece of work now.
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Where light falls there is suffering
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Really puts across a lot...... with so few words.
I think that's incredible !
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absolutely lyrical... those verses flow with a silken and hypnotic beat wuth....
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lie down with fire...
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kewl..... so small, yet so big. PLUR
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Peas!
Des
____________
Arc Arsenal - Video Treatment: [link]
These Hands: [link]
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direct and succint
who is this spoonman?
i think ive met him somwhere....................
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parl no parl
bad parl!
bad parl!
[link]
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definitely packs a moment into a few short lines and communicates the feeling, i like it
~jillian~
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just a brief moment.... (and having been to a few raves, i can really picture this one....) short and to the point....
.:spunj13:.
. todays poetic deviation .
. featured poem .
. asylumpublications .
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how come it gives me the impression that the spoonman is a vampire indirectly seducing you.
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[link]
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i like how this doesn't attempt to attach emotion to the action, the feeling could be so many things.. both the intention and the response.
it is just simply itself, a seed to be planted in the mind and grow.
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prick an ivory finger
see the crimson match the rose
if you watch it from to close
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The entire poem has a beat to it, leaves a fascinating image in a persons mind...lovely work
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-All that we see or seem, Is but a dream within a dream.
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i wierd that after reading all of the comments above i really don't have anything intelligent to say.
all i can say is that this reminds me of the older poems that you had posted, in which i found myself to be amazed yet lost because of no background of what you were saying.
the words are really lovely, but i guess i cannot fully appreciate this beause i think half the story/emotion/image is inside your head, and i find that my imagination cannot compete with your amazing poetry
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-rajiv
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i LOVE the imagery. i can imagine myself in that kinda atmosphere & situation (well of course i'd be looking for the eyes of the spoonwoman...
), and i just... like it (the feeling).
nice work, ruth... very nice work
i think i'll add this to my favorites...
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In it's brevity lies it's strength. This is truly a well written work.
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how many times i have been absolutley mesmerized by an artist who was completely oblivious to me. this is a great little poem. unique and not a word too long. perfect
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Alison Weis, Assassin Photographer
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ah, but is it worth being noticed by someone who does not deserve your notice? ha! nice work ruthie.
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sink / implode:
[link]
-flow-
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my spoonman is the guy who sells me smack......
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Mari would know, wouldn't she, and she would make some private joke about the "spoonman" and we would all laugh and be stirred, at the same time, by the feeling of longing in your poem as you swayed beneath the pulsating platinum light, and finally we would all be amazed in your ability to say this with words which made us sway with you to the drowning techno beat. This is so expressive, Ruth.
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j y
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love it, even.
Very trippy feel, and I like the "spoonman"
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i think i get the "spoonman" reference. for me!
this is a great poem. it would take me about ten times as many lines to make that world.
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Rockin' :j
Short poems're often the best methinks.. 'coz they focus more and there's no extra.. summick.. y'know what I mean
But I love it.. kinda tells a whole loada others stories as well as just this one.. like about everybody else there who woulda been listening and the focus on the ordinary people that other people often miss..
*blink*
Do I keep readin' into these too much?
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timely. i've started listening to some trance songs this week. i like the poem ruth
submit more please
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i am a match-stick
red tip under my feet
[link]
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Very cool. Love the work choice
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Who is it that says most? Which can say more than this rich praise, that you alone are you?
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a coloured radiance coming over platinum
outlining the swaying, and the moonspan
will murmur its current to your being
with the night ahead, just feeling.
"trance" is lovely, ruth. i like it with my eyes closed
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That's a strange poem, especially on the spoonman bit, which I don't quite get, other than maybe it's someone you are interested in. But I still like it though.
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Roses are red, violets are blue, I am a schizophrenic, and so am I
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after months and months of isolation, my friends finally annoyed the hell out of unto saying yes to going out with them. and now, twenty minutes after i get back home, i read your poem - and so how appropriate and timely.
no "spoonman" for me though. didn't even look for one. i'm not ready to hook-up with any drama quite yet.
anyway, let me stop talking about my personal life and start reviewing your poem
yeah, it is short, wonderfully short, and that indeed is part of the beauty of this poem. simplicity flows from one line to another and powerfully tells the story in six lines. i love the movements in this poetry and the corresponding emotional state that goes with them.
my "spoonman" is now my bed, whose been watching and waiting... and so i'll lay...
take care.
+g
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love the words ruth.
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.: :.
nuf said
[link]
We are what we do, and the more we do it, the more we become it. The only way out is to change our lives or to change our expectations for our lives. And if we lower our expectations we are killing our dreams, and a man without dreams is already half dead.
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It's entirely trippy. You put a lot of interesting sights into such a short piece
Mmm.. short and sweet
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